Eight crazy nights...

Well for me it's more like "eight crazy months" maybe.

I was watching this movie on CityTV the other day by Adam Sandler that was a good movie. A.S. movies always make me feel better about myself, but lately I've found them hard to enjoy cause I can't even seem to stand romance scenes on TV anymore. It saddens me to think how cold and heartless I've become after thingS went bad between us, but maybe that's God's way of helping me get over it. At least I hope it's God... cause right now I feel like I don't give a ____ that She doesn't want to talk to me, it's her problem, not mine, sad to say, you can even say I "hate" her.

So what went wrong? This is what the movie I saw "Eight Crazy Nights" is about. It's about this boy or in my case, "boy" Christian (spiritual age, but now I'm like spiritually 8) who used to be a really good kid and all, your model, church poster child if you wanna call him. But the faith in the movie is Jewish, it's about the 8 days/nights of Hanukkah (excuse zee spelling). Anyhow, point is, he was a good kid turned into a very bad adult that didn't care about anybody else's feelings, spent his life drinking and partying and being dead drunk most of the time got himself into a lot of trouble. Ironically I forgot to catch the movie so I missed the beginning, I only saw it starting from when he was already bad with some flashbacks and then when he repented. Oh and also there's some divine intervention involved and God/Jehovah (Jewish faith) leads him into repentance. Watch it, it's a good movie, but I rather not spell it all here, I rather talk about how it affected my life.

Here are some lyrics from the song in the movie:

Davey: It all seemed so long ago
Jennifer: Young and happy don't you know
Davey: Down by the creek I would show
fireflies to that girl.
Jennifer: But that was back when he was nice
Davey: Before my warm heart turned to ice
Whitey: My sister's wig once had lice
Jennifer: But that was long ago
Davey: The schoolyard's where we were,
the first time I kissed her.
Jennifer: He thought he got some toungue
Davey: But it was only retainer
Whitey: Eleanore's bra is a trainer
Davey: Well over theres my family home
Jennifer: And the woods we used to roam
Whitey: The only time I had sex was on the phone
Phone sex lady: But that was long ago
Davey: I carved our names upon that tree
Jennifer: I loved him and he loved me
Man: My darling wife was once a he
Man's 'darling' wife: But that was long ago
Jennifer: He'd always whisper in my ear
Davey: But then I started drinkin' beer
Whitey: My jewels got licked by six frisky
deer
*Deers giggle*
Jennifer: Now he's just a loner and a lier
Davey: And my trailor's caught on fire
fire!?

(the main character is Davey, the one I'm relating myself to)

Sometimes I wonder if I've become unlovable because I've been rejected too much or I am rejected too much because I'm now unlovable. I must have been rejected 10 times straight in a row now, yes I think it is up to #10 now. I don't even count anymore. And this doesn't include girls who for some stupid reason ignore me cause they think I'm interested in them in that way but when really I'm not. This is just 10 girls that I actually were pursuing that have rejected me explicitly.

"You know I read something in the reader's digest that those who cry when they are hurting are actually stronger than those that hold it inside."

"Unlovable", unlovable, oh why do I fight it?

Intro song:

Only Hope
Lyrics by: Switchfoot/Mandy Moore (http://www.switchfoot.com)

There's a song that's inside of my soul.
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold.
But you sing to me over and over and over again.

So, I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

Sing to me the song of the stars.
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now, you're my only hope.

I give you my destiny.
I'm giving you all of me.
I want your symphony, singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

Ok so how all this relates to my own life, well going to get to that! But it's late and I need to work tommorow so LOL another UNFINISHED entry, I'm not really into finishing blog entries one bit!

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FINISH THE ENTRY??? (Current date is now January 6th, 2005)

Actually I have decided NOT to finish the blog entry. And it's not just I'm too lazy or busy with other stuff. I'm not going to share about how this movie touched my life for several reasons.

1. I really don't want to have to think about it anymore. Going to post more about this in a more recent entry.
2. It may violate certain promiSes I made to keep things confidential if certain people read it.
3. I kinda delayed this entry too long :P And since I've been trying to surpress certain memorieS, I really won't be able to share exactly what I was feeling on this day anyhow.