Dear Christian Girl...

If I were younger, I wouldn't have access to this words, please forgive me for being "old"! [I can identify the source of the words below on request, is not my intention to plagiarize...]
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Dear Christian Boy,
You are such an incredible Godly boy. I'm so glad you go to your accountability groups. I am so happy to know you are trying *to* so hard to be pure for me. I'm so amazed that you are saving yourself for me. And I really I'm overwhelmed that you are learning to look at my heart and see my soul. I'm so glad you want to wait to kiss me. I know you respect me so much that you want to make certain that you know all about me before we give any of ourselves to one another. I am so blessed.

But Christian boy. I have to confess. I'm not all I appear to be. I too go to accountability groups. But I don't tell you because I'm embarrassed. You don't know that I struggle too. I try so hard to be pure for you, but some days I just can't. And I haven't saved myself for you. My past is coloured and you wouldn't be my first. I try to love your soul and heart, and I do. But sometimes I look at you and love--lust for--what I see. Sometimes I don't think so much about how incredibly caring you are, but how much I really ache for you. I don't want to wait to kiss you. I just want to kiss you and I want more than that. I am so guilty.

Christian boy, I don't understand how I can be a woman and be satisfied with the affection of a thirteen year old boy on a first date. I don't understand how the women I see around me are so passionate and forward in their relationships with men, and yet I am told to wait. I must wait for you to come to me, for you to initiate anything, for you to propose, for you to marry me so I can feel the feelings that the Church tells me I don't have. Yes I do struggle with self esteem and some days I lack the confidence to look you in the eye. But I struggle with more than that. I am so confused.

You see, Christian boy, I don't want to neglect what God tells me about marriage and sex. I don't want to fall to sin. I just want to be honest. I want you to understand I am a woman, fully and wholly. I want you to understand that I struggle as you do. I don't want to be embarrassed by that anymore. I don't want it to be taboo anymore. I want to talk about it with other women, with you, and know that there is not judgment but acceptance. I am so scared.

Christian boy, I'm so scared that when you know about my past, know all that I feel and struggle with, when you know who I am you won't want me. Can you just tell me it's ok? Please.

Love, Christian Girl --------------