The Dark K

I watched The Dark Knight with some friends today, was it fate or was it like Mr. Dent put it "chance", the only true morality and justice in our cruel world? Apparently some people, like my friend JW (no, not the PK, but actually the 'PK' really like this movie too, hehe ya again NOT the taboo PK :P) really like this movie although I didn't really feel it was anything particularly special. I can't sleep, so it's time to vent!

I guess compared to the first one it had a much better plot and I got a bit more out of it the second time around. The clues fell in a bit better, also maybe since I wasn't starving like when I watched it the first time with friends, I was better able to concentrate and not keeping on being like JY "I'M HUNGRY" :P Haha, memories...

Memories is also why I didn't retain much the first time, because I wanted to block it out... because I unfortunately can't enjoy it the same way others can... it's one of those it's only funny when it's not happening to you situations... although maybe it gives me a better empathetic understanding of the plot too on the other hand....

So this is how it all fits in, I AM BATMAN! Well I don't fight crime, although a part of me wonders if that is what God designed me to do with my superb driving skills and my fit body having being designed with a good metabolism... But in a sense, I do fight injustice in my own way, through my commitment to God and his great commission and his call to "feed His lambs"... Just like Batman in the movie, I know now after 7 years of nudging from Him and praying for it that serving Him in this capacity is much more than just a desire or a trend, but like the line from the movie, "you're never going to stop needing Batman" and I feel God is never going to stop needing me, but it is also up to me to allow myself to continue to be used by God...

The other thing is the story line seems to parallel so much with my life! Down to the T almost, if you have been keeping up with my blog... and I'll elaborate... Hehe, "will you be needing the bAtmobile (AKA Accord :P) sir?" "In the middle of the day Alfred (mom)"? "The MR2 then (I don't actually have this car yet, but might get one depending on what happens)... much more subtle..." The other thing is, as I pointed out to my mom the other day, it's not just the time factor, but going to seminaries part time (not being able to afford full-time at the moment) while working is giving up on marriage in more ways than just "not having time to date"... I feel I too had to make a choice... and like Batman, it was either my vocation or the girL, maybe it was just all just a temptation and the CC speaker was right, but maybe it's more... the movie just left me with so many unanswered questions that I may be up for a while thinking about it... I may just have to bury it again and "run away" some more like Batman does in the end of the movie...

Similiar to when I quoted from TDK (The Dark Knight) on Facebook (FB) recently, except there is a TWIST as I am not refering to my "real life" equivalent of "The Joker" in that quote on FB.... Some of you may know what that twist is, but I don't normally go public with sensitive things like this... I'm finally getting exhausted so I hope it overwhelms my sleeplessness... but I kinda don't wanna just leave this blog hanging so I'll try to be brief... I'm going to quote from another movie that if you know it, you will understand my analogy and viewpoint a bit better... "I used to think he was the better man... I know now he's not, just got more money..." I am reminded of how close she and I used to be, she really is as Batman puts it, "one of my oldest friends"... we grew apart when she started dating her new squeeze, now fiancee and has become a totally different person now, as our other really close mutual friend in the past puts it more err... "doggy"... and I think that's why they aren't friends anymore... Because unlike myself, he never had any romantic attachments to her, so he doesn't have the same motivation as I did in the past to try to remain friends with her.

The money thing relates to how much she seems concerned about not having $ to marry "NOW" as weddings sometimes costs $ as people tell me, Especially depending on what you need to do...And not being "too old" like the biblical Sarai when she gets married to have childern, etc... Well I think there's maybe a vanity component to it too... Futhermore sending kids to University, etc... she talked about and seem very concerned about how she will finance such things when she is married... planning WELL ahead considering it hasn't even happened yet.... She was at once pretty concerned about her image in the eyes of my mom and in the past also mentioned to me if I was sure entering the Pastorate was God's plan for me and seemed to question it more than other people might... Always bugging me to get a credit card ASAP so that I can build my credit rating in case I need to finance a car/house in the future... Needless to say, she's finacially concious and I think us being so close in the past a part of that has rubbed off on me too not having the faith to plunge into seminaries full-time even though I feel my calling has become clear now... And even being an Engineer for the time being, even if I was able to make the kind of salaries Engineers made "back in the good old days" I still can't compete with the financial abundance of the field her fiancee is in now even if it were as affluent to be an Engineer now as it was then... it's funny cause it reminds me of how hard I have it at work sometimes and the story of someone at D-Link telling me before about a former Engineer not being able to deal with the stress and becoming a bus driver for the TTC instead because it's about the same amount of money LOL.... But I do it and go through all this labour because it is the position/field God has blessed me with for the time being and I know maybe God wants to be hard on me now because as I heard, being a Pastor is even harder, a lot harder than I think... And to clarify things for non-Christians who might be confused, Pastors make as much on average as a rookie teacher at most and STAY at that salary if not less depending on where they are serving... Like the line from another movie (paraphased a little perhaps) "He is hard on me, because He believes in me..." But a part of me wishes if the primary/only reason why she and I can't be together is because in every other aspect I am as my mom said "an overall good catch and I can't understand why you have trouble finding a girlfriend..." and always saying with my level of commitment I ought to be able to make a good husband someday... As much as we argue with our personalities being so polar, I love you mom...but I don't think anyone, not even you, can understand just how hard it is for me to lose her, it would be much better off if it was like TDK right now and she died... Actually ironic coincidence is the two of them were in a car accident together not too long ago and the car was completely totalled but God redeemed their lives out of it... I guess it has to be this way, or the analogy wouldn't be complete LOL... and the letter was burned perhaps... but in my situation it has been read, so a part of me feels did I simply just give up? Is that why I delayed going to seminaries? Is that what Alfred wanted to avoid and that is why he didn't like Bruce Wayne (Batman's day job identity) read it so he wouldn't give up home and give up fighting to protect what he believes in?

Now that I think about the plot a bit more I think that "Two-face" AKA HD isn't the only one that broke out in insanity after the death of RacheL, but also Batman took out his frustration and insanity in a different way, just that his circumstances were different, he had an anomynous identity, the ability to take on Joker and also the means to fund such an endevour through his questionably pratice in the R&D department in the scene near the end where as Harvey Dent when he became Two-Face, didn't have that luxury, the could see both his day-job alterego and what he had become both at the same time, he was no match for the Joker as scene from the hospital bed scene and he wasn't rich and didn't even have anybody to back him up, he had to go after those responsible for his pain in the way he knew how and was cable of while Batman on the other hand was able to fight with the Joker face to (masked)face....

Now I must run to bed as illness later may "hunt me down"...