Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes Yes Lord...

YES man and Christmas blessings...

I wanted to capitalize ALL letters in that "YES" as to not make things so obvious... Hehe, it reminds me of our Apostles' cheer too ;) I hope all these EXTRA blessings this particular Christmas are a result of my submission to Him. First the lack of choices in full of action (as it is part of assisting in keeping my eyes sharp after my Ortho-C, 'CORRECTING' contacts :) ) wanting to pick a movie to relax, I ended up watching "YES MAN"... AND IT WAS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!

There is a bit of bad news, but maybe it's just my interpretation, perhaps it really is GOOD NEWS afterall... My cAr is having some issues still and the other car I was planning to switch over to a hold-me-over turns out to be a scam even though I was thinking it might be legit as he might be having trouble selling it without a radio and ABS sensors which I was planning to strip from my car since it's easier labour wise and I just got at least two new sensors last year and they are expensive...Oh well, guess I'm stuck with my cAr for the short run as I weighed the alternatives and because of insurance and everything and the market for used cars being so bad right now (not that it really affects me as much if the car is not as valuable)... but the cAr is reliable, it never has failed to start on me for over 4 years even though it's older than some other cars that have failed to start on people... And it has only been a safety issue maybe TWICE in the 7 years I've driven it and the first time wasn't even really the car's fault when I had to swerve in an emergency to avoid another dumb driver who cut me off (even though there were no other cars around except me, don't assume just cause the weather nobody's comming buddy... plus I drive a dark coloured car that sticks out like a sore thumb when the road's covered with snow) and I drifted into the guardrail as the QEW, going downhill also has no shouder lane and maybe I happen to be going over one of those pavement inperfections at the time...

Going along those lines, being a Christian for so long, I tend to wanna side to the "positive" outlook on life... I know that it may not seem SO "positive" initially, but hear me out on what I mean, even if you're not Christian and am a bit confused initially... Maybe as I mentioned in my other entry which I guess I will post back up... it is good I have to keep the car as I believe I have been losing some sleep over it lately, admist all the other things that could be causing me to lose sleep lately, I at least can keep one good thing in my life, and one thing that I love, and that may end up being my bAby Accord... zoom zoom... she's not much to most people, somewhat old... not very powerful... but still lighter than the 5th Generation Prelude and more powerful than a Civic :) Plus one of the best FF cars ever made, former rally car and handles like a dream in the snow apparently now that I've added winter tires because my all seasons after 4 years and over 75,000kms are starting to get somewhat worn...

A part of me wonders if maybe this is for the best, afterall, I hear the comming year is a good year for the used car market and as well new car prices are lower which is the reason for the drop on used cars too I was told. Plus I have been considering test driving the Accord Hybrid to see if I like it. The good news at least is it doesn't share the same smiled face tail/trunk lights combo as the other Accords of that day (don't like those).

I have been given a few suggestions on what to do with the whole car situation, for the time being, I'm gonna keep using it and see if maybe I can get some used body panels (if in good condition) from a junkyard next year as I heard they aren't open during the winter months.

One of the main themes of YES MAN (hehe I'll try to keep the spoilers to a minimum) is that we ought to say YES to life and embrace the opportunities that come our way. I started this entry last week but I can't remember everything I wanted to mention here... I am reminded also of the sermon at Urbana 2006 where the lady was saying we ought to say "YES" to God and somewhere along the line, our yes turned into "maybe" and then "we settled"... "And where we settle is where we'll die... I'm telling you don't settle..." Aside from the one I mentioned in my Dark K entry, there was a girl in the past I did not really act like "yes man" with and didn't really seize the opportunity to pursue marriage with her. Although perhaps the opportunity never really existed, but a part of me feels because she knew the other girl that she felt the two of us would never work out or perhaps shouldn't...

But I am willing to say "yes" now, to be open to the possibility of opening myself wholeheartedely to her if she'll still have me... I just pray I'm not too late...Perhaps she never was interested in a romance and still isn't... So much time has passed since we were last friends who talked regularly, the only thing I really want is for a chance to get to know her again...

The Dark K

I watched The Dark Knight with some friends today, was it fate or was it like Mr. Dent put it "chance", the only true morality and justice in our cruel world? Apparently some people, like my friend JW (no, not the PK, but actually the 'PK' really like this movie too, hehe ya again NOT the taboo PK :P) really like this movie although I didn't really feel it was anything particularly special. I can't sleep, so it's time to vent!

I guess compared to the first one it had a much better plot and I got a bit more out of it the second time around. The clues fell in a bit better, also maybe since I wasn't starving like when I watched it the first time with friends, I was better able to concentrate and not keeping on being like JY "I'M HUNGRY" :P Haha, memories...

Memories is also why I didn't retain much the first time, because I wanted to block it out... because I unfortunately can't enjoy it the same way others can... it's one of those it's only funny when it's not happening to you situations... although maybe it gives me a better empathetic understanding of the plot too on the other hand....

So this is how it all fits in, I AM BATMAN! Well I don't fight crime, although a part of me wonders if that is what God designed me to do with my superb driving skills and my fit body having being designed with a good metabolism... But in a sense, I do fight injustice in my own way, through my commitment to God and his great commission and his call to "feed His lambs"... Just like Batman in the movie, I know now after 7 years of nudging from Him and praying for it that serving Him in this capacity is much more than just a desire or a trend, but like the line from the movie, "you're never going to stop needing Batman" and I feel God is never going to stop needing me, but it is also up to me to allow myself to continue to be used by God...

The other thing is the story line seems to parallel so much with my life! Down to the T almost, if you have been keeping up with my blog... and I'll elaborate... Hehe, "will you be needing the bAtmobile (AKA Accord :P) sir?" "In the middle of the day Alfred (mom)"? "The MR2 then (I don't actually have this car yet, but might get one depending on what happens)... much more subtle..." The other thing is, as I pointed out to my mom the other day, it's not just the time factor, but going to seminaries part time (not being able to afford full-time at the moment) while working is giving up on marriage in more ways than just "not having time to date"... I feel I too had to make a choice... and like Batman, it was either my vocation or the girL, maybe it was just all just a temptation and the CC speaker was right, but maybe it's more... the movie just left me with so many unanswered questions that I may be up for a while thinking about it... I may just have to bury it again and "run away" some more like Batman does in the end of the movie...

Similiar to when I quoted from TDK (The Dark Knight) on Facebook (FB) recently, except there is a TWIST as I am not refering to my "real life" equivalent of "The Joker" in that quote on FB.... Some of you may know what that twist is, but I don't normally go public with sensitive things like this... I'm finally getting exhausted so I hope it overwhelms my sleeplessness... but I kinda don't wanna just leave this blog hanging so I'll try to be brief... I'm going to quote from another movie that if you know it, you will understand my analogy and viewpoint a bit better... "I used to think he was the better man... I know now he's not, just got more money..." I am reminded of how close she and I used to be, she really is as Batman puts it, "one of my oldest friends"... we grew apart when she started dating her new squeeze, now fiancee and has become a totally different person now, as our other really close mutual friend in the past puts it more err... "doggy"... and I think that's why they aren't friends anymore... Because unlike myself, he never had any romantic attachments to her, so he doesn't have the same motivation as I did in the past to try to remain friends with her.

The money thing relates to how much she seems concerned about not having $ to marry "NOW" as weddings sometimes costs $ as people tell me, Especially depending on what you need to do...And not being "too old" like the biblical Sarai when she gets married to have childern, etc... Well I think there's maybe a vanity component to it too... Futhermore sending kids to University, etc... she talked about and seem very concerned about how she will finance such things when she is married... planning WELL ahead considering it hasn't even happened yet.... She was at once pretty concerned about her image in the eyes of my mom and in the past also mentioned to me if I was sure entering the Pastorate was God's plan for me and seemed to question it more than other people might... Always bugging me to get a credit card ASAP so that I can build my credit rating in case I need to finance a car/house in the future... Needless to say, she's finacially concious and I think us being so close in the past a part of that has rubbed off on me too not having the faith to plunge into seminaries full-time even though I feel my calling has become clear now... And even being an Engineer for the time being, even if I was able to make the kind of salaries Engineers made "back in the good old days" I still can't compete with the financial abundance of the field her fiancee is in now even if it were as affluent to be an Engineer now as it was then... it's funny cause it reminds me of how hard I have it at work sometimes and the story of someone at D-Link telling me before about a former Engineer not being able to deal with the stress and becoming a bus driver for the TTC instead because it's about the same amount of money LOL.... But I do it and go through all this labour because it is the position/field God has blessed me with for the time being and I know maybe God wants to be hard on me now because as I heard, being a Pastor is even harder, a lot harder than I think... And to clarify things for non-Christians who might be confused, Pastors make as much on average as a rookie teacher at most and STAY at that salary if not less depending on where they are serving... Like the line from another movie (paraphased a little perhaps) "He is hard on me, because He believes in me..." But a part of me wishes if the primary/only reason why she and I can't be together is because in every other aspect I am as my mom said "an overall good catch and I can't understand why you have trouble finding a girlfriend..." and always saying with my level of commitment I ought to be able to make a good husband someday... As much as we argue with our personalities being so polar, I love you mom...but I don't think anyone, not even you, can understand just how hard it is for me to lose her, it would be much better off if it was like TDK right now and she died... Actually ironic coincidence is the two of them were in a car accident together not too long ago and the car was completely totalled but God redeemed their lives out of it... I guess it has to be this way, or the analogy wouldn't be complete LOL... and the letter was burned perhaps... but in my situation it has been read, so a part of me feels did I simply just give up? Is that why I delayed going to seminaries? Is that what Alfred wanted to avoid and that is why he didn't like Bruce Wayne (Batman's day job identity) read it so he wouldn't give up home and give up fighting to protect what he believes in?

Now that I think about the plot a bit more I think that "Two-face" AKA HD isn't the only one that broke out in insanity after the death of RacheL, but also Batman took out his frustration and insanity in a different way, just that his circumstances were different, he had an anomynous identity, the ability to take on Joker and also the means to fund such an endevour through his questionably pratice in the R&D department in the scene near the end where as Harvey Dent when he became Two-Face, didn't have that luxury, the could see both his day-job alterego and what he had become both at the same time, he was no match for the Joker as scene from the hospital bed scene and he wasn't rich and didn't even have anybody to back him up, he had to go after those responsible for his pain in the way he knew how and was cable of while Batman on the other hand was able to fight with the Joker face to (masked)face....

Now I must run to bed as illness later may "hunt me down"...

"You can't believe what fell... all your dreAms, ummph..."

HMM I SHOULD WARN YOU THE LINK TO THE YOUTUBE HAS PROFANITY...

Haha, I love this scene though. The movie is pretty good too. Ok, so how does it related to my blog entry... well my cAr is sorta one of my dream cars and if I can't afford something I like better, I was planning to drive it for some time to come...

BUT "I can't BELIEVE what fell..." I guess I was lucky I was out so late at night and wasn't that many cars out on the highway when my bumper on the left side decided to become a plow and spin me across 3 lanes as if the highway had an intersection. Driving in extreme snow like this that they haven't been able to clear yet is always a gamble anyway... And I assumed taking it fairly cautiously with a former rally championship car (ok ok it came in 2nd to the Impreza, but not bad for a FF car) with some of the best set of winter tires money can buy on only it's second season that I should be playing my cards right...Guess I didn't count on that Ace... and that all of a sudden on a night like this it could shovel up that much snow that fast....But the bumper was loose still and there is a bit of damage to some related components... I was wondering if someone hit me, but hard to tell since I had a minor fender bender with a pole a few years back when my windows fogged and I figure I backed into that spot at least a few thousand times... Anyhow the sheet metal that held the bolt was bent too and it was rusty so I figure it is because I assumed that side would survive when the other side I held up with something else already besides the original metal... cause it's the less rusty side...

At first I wasn't too sure how extensive the damage was till I started to try to work on it. Afterall I still have work the next day, sucks that when one is on contract you can't take any paid days off for whatever reason whatsover... Turns out I don't have to take it into the body shop afterall, cause I was thinking if I can't fix it myself and since the heater in the car has decided to fail YET AGAIN... then even getting parts can cost me regardless of whether I can fix the heater and/or more personally... so I debated whether I would have to give up on the other love of my life in the same year... OUCH as if I didn't go through enough as it is already.... Took me a few hours to patch it though and I still need to do a bit more to ensure it's secure and maybe do what my friend did with his "wife ___ (model of my car, except his is the generation older)" and drill another bolt diagonally into a less rusted part of the car....

Never underestimate rust like I told my friend on MSN and my mom kept on thinking rust proofing is not important when I noticed the car starting to rust a few years ago and nagged my mom about how we should take better care of the car and as my cousin and other experts put it, it DEFINETELY includes rust proofing...

Well I guess I didn't leave the table empty handed after all and am not totally cleaned out... managed to avoid crashing the car and I'm ok... I'm surprised I lived, but a part of me is disappointed that I am going to go on living... means I have to carry on my miserable single existence :/