I ought to praise You like I should....

Hehe I still remember when SH compiled that song we had for our famous Apostles "dance" and he excerpted that line to add to the song.

Due to the fact it was just the two of us at fellowship, I recently had a fruitful conversation with a friend of mine about the intricacies of faith and salvation. Turns out he only had very surface knowledge from what others in the church have been able to tell him. But myself, having been through numerous Sunday School classes and now studying some of these topics in even more depth at *seminary* was able to provide him with much more through answers. I really want to PRAISE and thank God that He has been providing me with so many opportunities to apply and use what I learn even though it's only my first credit/class~!

I am also very inspired by seeing some possible foreshadowing of the Good that God can do from some of my past experiences. Although not to imply this is what IS going to happen, but rather God it "would be nice". One of my RHCBC friends CK is currently serving in Asia right now and I remember his love of spiritual books in the past and how "well read" he is. Now recently one of my other friends has developed a passion for spiritual books too and I hope one day God will use him in big ways as well :) And my friend with the inquisitive mind I was talking to recently reminds me a lot of myself when I was his age, always had questions... And I only hope I can do for him what PJ (or should I say MJ, LOL I know I use a lot of Spiderman analogies, but I mean like Missionary-J) used to do for me and help to answer and address these questions. Who knows? Maybe one day God will use that to call one more shepherd into His fold? :)

On a side note... "the hero in me" story continues and I know you might think it's silly, but with all the increased travel I had to do recently I really praise God for the lower gas prices and I really think to myself He is in some way blessing me that way. And even when I met up with my friend I thought/teased myself, I have to make it out tonight, the whole world is counting on me for the gas prices... AND low and behold they did go down 2 cents the very same night!

Does the hero still live in me?

CUT TO:
WESTLEY IN THE MACHINE,
but it's not on. Count Rugen is adding more notes to his book. He looks up as the Prince suddenly comes down the steps, raging.
HUMPERDINCK
(at Westley)
You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.
And with that he whirls, turns on The Machine, grabs the lever and --
CUT TO:
COUNT RUGEN
calling out --
RUGEN
Not to fifty!!!
But it's too late as we --
CUT TO:
PRINCE HUMPERDINCK,
shoving the lever all the way up and
CUT TO:
WESTLEY'S FACE.
And there has never been such pain. The pain grows and grows and with it now, something else has started
THE DEATH SCREAM. As The Death Scream starts to rise --
CUT TO:
OUTSIDE THE PIT OF DESPAIR
as the SOUND moves along, LOUDER AND LOUDER, and --
CUT TO:
YELLIN AND HIS SIXTY BRUTES.
And they bear it, and a few of the Brutes turn to each other in fear, and as the scream builds --
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP IN HER ROOM.
She hears the SOUND, doesn't know what it is, but her arms involuntarily go around her body to try to control the trembling, and the scream, still builds and --
CUT TO:
ESTABLISHING SHOT ACROSS THE RIVER.
There are many PEOPLE -- it is the day of the country's 500th Anniversary -- but all the People stop as the sound hits them. A few CHILDREN pale, bolt toward their PARENTS and --
CUT TO:
INIGO AND FEZZIK,
trying to make their way through the jammed marketplace, which suddenly quiets as the fading sound comes through.
INIGO
(instantly)
FEZZIK, FEZZIK, listen, do you hear? -- That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Rugen slaughtered my father. The Man in Black makes it now.
FEZZIK
The Man in Black?
INIGO
His true love is marrying another tonight, so who else has cause for Ultimate Suffering?
(trying to push through)
Excuse me --
It's too crowded.

According to this scene of The Princess Bride exerpted from http://www.godamongdirectors.com/scripts/princess.shtml I know what it's like to undergo "Ultimate Suffering". And possibly for a much longer time than Welsey had to go through it too. Part of me is still trying to find an answer for why God wants/wanted me to have to go losing the only woman I truly loved and if not to leave my home church, then what could be the other reasons? I recall when I talked with one of the speakers at CC before, he suggested this challenge which is also making me reconsider enrolling/finishing seminary because of not knowing how to serve God admist my stuggles with couples is probably one of Satan's obstacles to try to stop me. So does that make her right then? When she suggested my love for her could only come from Satan since she's engaged to another man?

If a picture speaks a 1000 words, how many does a video clip?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTHQza3nghc&feature=related

Every year when I step out onto the softball diamond I always hope to myself that this year will be the year I can take home the championship, but year after year it never happens.... Sometimes I feel like God is intentionally keeping this desire from being fulfilled because I always tell myself I want to win at least once before I think about retiring... I was also disappointed at the fact that this year I had to coach an older team and I feel like my co-captain and I were likely the among the best coaches in the league yet on average we had maybe 5 people show up to pratice and it's always only the 3 core players showing up to most of the practices with some variation on the rest. So go figure no suprise that the team with probably the best turnout in pratices (from what I observed dropping by one of their pratices) ended up taking the championship. But still I "kept picturing I would be able to take the championship this year, but it didn't happen man... "

It's very easy in a Christian's walk to want to "give up" at times, especially when one sticks with it but doesn't always see the results. Certainly that was the case with my softball season, even if my team was 2nd in our division in the round robin eliminations, I AGAIN lost in the first round, haha, that is why I can so emphasize with the Leafs... or maybe as my sister in Christ friend WC put it "I have the first round curse" (apparently it's contagious, I must have given it to her 3 years ago before my year with Apostles :P)

But I have an alternative reasoning for why after so long I couldn't move on from my feelings for my close friend who was involved and is now engaged to another man... and that is maybe God is trying to train me, maybe He did it to "give us (me) strength, makes us (me) noble and finally allows us to die with pride...even though sometimes we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most, even our dreams...."

It's ironic how many real life analogies I have with Spiderman, when I find myself amazing skilled (probably from pratice) at using that rock climbing tread-mill contraption at my company's gym and I think about the "maybe you're not meant to be Spiderman climbing those walls" scene and also the fact that I had my eye sight restored this year and had to switch to wearing NON-PRESCRIPTION glasses to protect my eyes from UV on a cloudy day, otherwise my vision would be blurry if I wore prescription glasses like Peter Parker did without his Spidey powers...

Particularly, I have to think about how I need to spend my money in the comming year and I have to choose between my dream car and saving it for other things such as tuition... "Sometimes we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most, even our dreams...."

So since God has already allowed me to endure "Ultimate Suffering"... maybe I AM READY to give my all for Him now! :D No more being half-committed to Him in some of my decisions, it's all Jesus, ALL THE WAY... You are the way, the truth and the life, we life by faith and not by sight, for you...