YES man and Christmas blessings...
I wanted to capitalize ALL letters in that "YES" as to not make things so obvious... Hehe, it reminds me of our Apostles' cheer too ;) I hope all these EXTRA blessings this particular Christmas are a result of my submission to Him. First the lack of choices in full of action (as it is part of assisting in keeping my eyes sharp after my Ortho-C, 'CORRECTING' contacts :) ) wanting to pick a movie to relax, I ended up watching "YES MAN"... AND IT WAS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!
There is a bit of bad news, but maybe it's just my interpretation, perhaps it really is GOOD NEWS afterall... My cAr is having some issues still and the other car I was planning to switch over to a hold-me-over turns out to be a scam even though I was thinking it might be legit as he might be having trouble selling it without a radio and ABS sensors which I was planning to strip from my car since it's easier labour wise and I just got at least two new sensors last year and they are expensive...Oh well, guess I'm stuck with my cAr for the short run as I weighed the alternatives and because of insurance and everything and the market for used cars being so bad right now (not that it really affects me as much if the car is not as valuable)... but the cAr is reliable, it never has failed to start on me for over 4 years even though it's older than some other cars that have failed to start on people... And it has only been a safety issue maybe TWICE in the 7 years I've driven it and the first time wasn't even really the car's fault when I had to swerve in an emergency to avoid another dumb driver who cut me off (even though there were no other cars around except me, don't assume just cause the weather nobody's comming buddy... plus I drive a dark coloured car that sticks out like a sore thumb when the road's covered with snow) and I drifted into the guardrail as the QEW, going downhill also has no shouder lane and maybe I happen to be going over one of those pavement inperfections at the time...
Going along those lines, being a Christian for so long, I tend to wanna side to the "positive" outlook on life... I know that it may not seem SO "positive" initially, but hear me out on what I mean, even if you're not Christian and am a bit confused initially... Maybe as I mentioned in my other entry which I guess I will post back up... it is good I have to keep the car as I believe I have been losing some sleep over it lately, admist all the other things that could be causing me to lose sleep lately, I at least can keep one good thing in my life, and one thing that I love, and that may end up being my bAby Accord... zoom zoom... she's not much to most people, somewhat old... not very powerful... but still lighter than the 5th Generation Prelude and more powerful than a Civic :) Plus one of the best FF cars ever made, former rally car and handles like a dream in the snow apparently now that I've added winter tires because my all seasons after 4 years and over 75,000kms are starting to get somewhat worn...
A part of me wonders if maybe this is for the best, afterall, I hear the comming year is a good year for the used car market and as well new car prices are lower which is the reason for the drop on used cars too I was told. Plus I have been considering test driving the Accord Hybrid to see if I like it. The good news at least is it doesn't share the same smiled face tail/trunk lights combo as the other Accords of that day (don't like those).
I have been given a few suggestions on what to do with the whole car situation, for the time being, I'm gonna keep using it and see if maybe I can get some used body panels (if in good condition) from a junkyard next year as I heard they aren't open during the winter months.
One of the main themes of YES MAN (hehe I'll try to keep the spoilers to a minimum) is that we ought to say YES to life and embrace the opportunities that come our way. I started this entry last week but I can't remember everything I wanted to mention here... I am reminded also of the sermon at Urbana 2006 where the lady was saying we ought to say "YES" to God and somewhere along the line, our yes turned into "maybe" and then "we settled"... "And where we settle is where we'll die... I'm telling you don't settle..." Aside from the one I mentioned in my Dark K entry, there was a girl in the past I did not really act like "yes man" with and didn't really seize the opportunity to pursue marriage with her. Although perhaps the opportunity never really existed, but a part of me feels because she knew the other girl that she felt the two of us would never work out or perhaps shouldn't...
But I am willing to say "yes" now, to be open to the possibility of opening myself wholeheartedely to her if she'll still have me... I just pray I'm not too late...Perhaps she never was interested in a romance and still isn't... So much time has passed since we were last friends who talked regularly, the only thing I really want is for a chance to get to know her again...
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The Dark K
I watched The Dark Knight with some friends today, was it fate or was it like Mr. Dent put it "chance", the only true morality and justice in our cruel world? Apparently some people, like my friend JW (no, not the PK, but actually the 'PK' really like this movie too, hehe ya again NOT the taboo PK :P) really like this movie although I didn't really feel it was anything particularly special. I can't sleep, so it's time to vent!
I guess compared to the first one it had a much better plot and I got a bit more out of it the second time around. The clues fell in a bit better, also maybe since I wasn't starving like when I watched it the first time with friends, I was better able to concentrate and not keeping on being like JY "I'M HUNGRY" :P Haha, memories...
Memories is also why I didn't retain much the first time, because I wanted to block it out... because I unfortunately can't enjoy it the same way others can... it's one of those it's only funny when it's not happening to you situations... although maybe it gives me a better empathetic understanding of the plot too on the other hand....
So this is how it all fits in, I AM BATMAN! Well I don't fight crime, although a part of me wonders if that is what God designed me to do with my superb driving skills and my fit body having being designed with a good metabolism... But in a sense, I do fight injustice in my own way, through my commitment to God and his great commission and his call to "feed His lambs"... Just like Batman in the movie, I know now after 7 years of nudging from Him and praying for it that serving Him in this capacity is much more than just a desire or a trend, but like the line from the movie, "you're never going to stop needing Batman" and I feel God is never going to stop needing me, but it is also up to me to allow myself to continue to be used by God...
The other thing is the story line seems to parallel so much with my life! Down to the T almost, if you have been keeping up with my blog... and I'll elaborate... Hehe, "will you be needing the bAtmobile (AKA Accord :P) sir?" "In the middle of the day Alfred (mom)"? "The MR2 then (I don't actually have this car yet, but might get one depending on what happens)... much more subtle..." The other thing is, as I pointed out to my mom the other day, it's not just the time factor, but going to seminaries part time (not being able to afford full-time at the moment) while working is giving up on marriage in more ways than just "not having time to date"... I feel I too had to make a choice... and like Batman, it was either my vocation or the girL, maybe it was just all just a temptation and the CC speaker was right, but maybe it's more... the movie just left me with so many unanswered questions that I may be up for a while thinking about it... I may just have to bury it again and "run away" some more like Batman does in the end of the movie...
Similiar to when I quoted from TDK (The Dark Knight) on Facebook (FB) recently, except there is a TWIST as I am not refering to my "real life" equivalent of "The Joker" in that quote on FB.... Some of you may know what that twist is, but I don't normally go public with sensitive things like this... I'm finally getting exhausted so I hope it overwhelms my sleeplessness... but I kinda don't wanna just leave this blog hanging so I'll try to be brief... I'm going to quote from another movie that if you know it, you will understand my analogy and viewpoint a bit better... "I used to think he was the better man... I know now he's not, just got more money..." I am reminded of how close she and I used to be, she really is as Batman puts it, "one of my oldest friends"... we grew apart when she started dating her new squeeze, now fiancee and has become a totally different person now, as our other really close mutual friend in the past puts it more err... "doggy"... and I think that's why they aren't friends anymore... Because unlike myself, he never had any romantic attachments to her, so he doesn't have the same motivation as I did in the past to try to remain friends with her.
The money thing relates to how much she seems concerned about not having $ to marry "NOW" as weddings sometimes costs $ as people tell me, Especially depending on what you need to do...And not being "too old" like the biblical Sarai when she gets married to have childern, etc... Well I think there's maybe a vanity component to it too... Futhermore sending kids to University, etc... she talked about and seem very concerned about how she will finance such things when she is married... planning WELL ahead considering it hasn't even happened yet.... She was at once pretty concerned about her image in the eyes of my mom and in the past also mentioned to me if I was sure entering the Pastorate was God's plan for me and seemed to question it more than other people might... Always bugging me to get a credit card ASAP so that I can build my credit rating in case I need to finance a car/house in the future... Needless to say, she's finacially concious and I think us being so close in the past a part of that has rubbed off on me too not having the faith to plunge into seminaries full-time even though I feel my calling has become clear now... And even being an Engineer for the time being, even if I was able to make the kind of salaries Engineers made "back in the good old days" I still can't compete with the financial abundance of the field her fiancee is in now even if it were as affluent to be an Engineer now as it was then... it's funny cause it reminds me of how hard I have it at work sometimes and the story of someone at D-Link telling me before about a former Engineer not being able to deal with the stress and becoming a bus driver for the TTC instead because it's about the same amount of money LOL.... But I do it and go through all this labour because it is the position/field God has blessed me with for the time being and I know maybe God wants to be hard on me now because as I heard, being a Pastor is even harder, a lot harder than I think... And to clarify things for non-Christians who might be confused, Pastors make as much on average as a rookie teacher at most and STAY at that salary if not less depending on where they are serving... Like the line from another movie (paraphased a little perhaps) "He is hard on me, because He believes in me..." But a part of me wishes if the primary/only reason why she and I can't be together is because in every other aspect I am as my mom said "an overall good catch and I can't understand why you have trouble finding a girlfriend..." and always saying with my level of commitment I ought to be able to make a good husband someday... As much as we argue with our personalities being so polar, I love you mom...but I don't think anyone, not even you, can understand just how hard it is for me to lose her, it would be much better off if it was like TDK right now and she died... Actually ironic coincidence is the two of them were in a car accident together not too long ago and the car was completely totalled but God redeemed their lives out of it... I guess it has to be this way, or the analogy wouldn't be complete LOL... and the letter was burned perhaps... but in my situation it has been read, so a part of me feels did I simply just give up? Is that why I delayed going to seminaries? Is that what Alfred wanted to avoid and that is why he didn't like Bruce Wayne (Batman's day job identity) read it so he wouldn't give up home and give up fighting to protect what he believes in?
Now that I think about the plot a bit more I think that "Two-face" AKA HD isn't the only one that broke out in insanity after the death of RacheL, but also Batman took out his frustration and insanity in a different way, just that his circumstances were different, he had an anomynous identity, the ability to take on Joker and also the means to fund such an endevour through his questionably pratice in the R&D department in the scene near the end where as Harvey Dent when he became Two-Face, didn't have that luxury, the could see both his day-job alterego and what he had become both at the same time, he was no match for the Joker as scene from the hospital bed scene and he wasn't rich and didn't even have anybody to back him up, he had to go after those responsible for his pain in the way he knew how and was cable of while Batman on the other hand was able to fight with the Joker face to (masked)face....
Now I must run to bed as illness later may "hunt me down"...
I guess compared to the first one it had a much better plot and I got a bit more out of it the second time around. The clues fell in a bit better, also maybe since I wasn't starving like when I watched it the first time with friends, I was better able to concentrate and not keeping on being like JY "I'M HUNGRY" :P Haha, memories...
Memories is also why I didn't retain much the first time, because I wanted to block it out... because I unfortunately can't enjoy it the same way others can... it's one of those it's only funny when it's not happening to you situations... although maybe it gives me a better empathetic understanding of the plot too on the other hand....
So this is how it all fits in, I AM BATMAN! Well I don't fight crime, although a part of me wonders if that is what God designed me to do with my superb driving skills and my fit body having being designed with a good metabolism... But in a sense, I do fight injustice in my own way, through my commitment to God and his great commission and his call to "feed His lambs"... Just like Batman in the movie, I know now after 7 years of nudging from Him and praying for it that serving Him in this capacity is much more than just a desire or a trend, but like the line from the movie, "you're never going to stop needing Batman" and I feel God is never going to stop needing me, but it is also up to me to allow myself to continue to be used by God...
The other thing is the story line seems to parallel so much with my life! Down to the T almost, if you have been keeping up with my blog... and I'll elaborate... Hehe, "will you be needing the bAtmobile (AKA Accord :P) sir?" "In the middle of the day Alfred (mom)"? "The MR2 then (I don't actually have this car yet, but might get one depending on what happens)... much more subtle..." The other thing is, as I pointed out to my mom the other day, it's not just the time factor, but going to seminaries part time (not being able to afford full-time at the moment) while working is giving up on marriage in more ways than just "not having time to date"... I feel I too had to make a choice... and like Batman, it was either my vocation or the girL, maybe it was just all just a temptation and the CC speaker was right, but maybe it's more... the movie just left me with so many unanswered questions that I may be up for a while thinking about it... I may just have to bury it again and "run away" some more like Batman does in the end of the movie...
Similiar to when I quoted from TDK (The Dark Knight) on Facebook (FB) recently, except there is a TWIST as I am not refering to my "real life" equivalent of "The Joker" in that quote on FB.... Some of you may know what that twist is, but I don't normally go public with sensitive things like this... I'm finally getting exhausted so I hope it overwhelms my sleeplessness... but I kinda don't wanna just leave this blog hanging so I'll try to be brief... I'm going to quote from another movie that if you know it, you will understand my analogy and viewpoint a bit better... "I used to think he was the better man... I know now he's not, just got more money..." I am reminded of how close she and I used to be, she really is as Batman puts it, "one of my oldest friends"... we grew apart when she started dating her new squeeze, now fiancee and has become a totally different person now, as our other really close mutual friend in the past puts it more err... "doggy"... and I think that's why they aren't friends anymore... Because unlike myself, he never had any romantic attachments to her, so he doesn't have the same motivation as I did in the past to try to remain friends with her.
The money thing relates to how much she seems concerned about not having $ to marry "NOW" as weddings sometimes costs $ as people tell me, Especially depending on what you need to do...And not being "too old" like the biblical Sarai when she gets married to have childern, etc... Well I think there's maybe a vanity component to it too... Futhermore sending kids to University, etc... she talked about and seem very concerned about how she will finance such things when she is married... planning WELL ahead considering it hasn't even happened yet.... She was at once pretty concerned about her image in the eyes of my mom and in the past also mentioned to me if I was sure entering the Pastorate was God's plan for me and seemed to question it more than other people might... Always bugging me to get a credit card ASAP so that I can build my credit rating in case I need to finance a car/house in the future... Needless to say, she's finacially concious and I think us being so close in the past a part of that has rubbed off on me too not having the faith to plunge into seminaries full-time even though I feel my calling has become clear now... And even being an Engineer for the time being, even if I was able to make the kind of salaries Engineers made "back in the good old days" I still can't compete with the financial abundance of the field her fiancee is in now even if it were as affluent to be an Engineer now as it was then... it's funny cause it reminds me of how hard I have it at work sometimes and the story of someone at D-Link telling me before about a former Engineer not being able to deal with the stress and becoming a bus driver for the TTC instead because it's about the same amount of money LOL.... But I do it and go through all this labour because it is the position/field God has blessed me with for the time being and I know maybe God wants to be hard on me now because as I heard, being a Pastor is even harder, a lot harder than I think... And to clarify things for non-Christians who might be confused, Pastors make as much on average as a rookie teacher at most and STAY at that salary if not less depending on where they are serving... Like the line from another movie (paraphased a little perhaps) "He is hard on me, because He believes in me..." But a part of me wishes if the primary/only reason why she and I can't be together is because in every other aspect I am as my mom said "an overall good catch and I can't understand why you have trouble finding a girlfriend..." and always saying with my level of commitment I ought to be able to make a good husband someday... As much as we argue with our personalities being so polar, I love you mom...but I don't think anyone, not even you, can understand just how hard it is for me to lose her, it would be much better off if it was like TDK right now and she died... Actually ironic coincidence is the two of them were in a car accident together not too long ago and the car was completely totalled but God redeemed their lives out of it... I guess it has to be this way, or the analogy wouldn't be complete LOL... and the letter was burned perhaps... but in my situation it has been read, so a part of me feels did I simply just give up? Is that why I delayed going to seminaries? Is that what Alfred wanted to avoid and that is why he didn't like Bruce Wayne (Batman's day job identity) read it so he wouldn't give up home and give up fighting to protect what he believes in?
Now that I think about the plot a bit more I think that "Two-face" AKA HD isn't the only one that broke out in insanity after the death of RacheL, but also Batman took out his frustration and insanity in a different way, just that his circumstances were different, he had an anomynous identity, the ability to take on Joker and also the means to fund such an endevour through his questionably pratice in the R&D department in the scene near the end where as Harvey Dent when he became Two-Face, didn't have that luxury, the could see both his day-job alterego and what he had become both at the same time, he was no match for the Joker as scene from the hospital bed scene and he wasn't rich and didn't even have anybody to back him up, he had to go after those responsible for his pain in the way he knew how and was cable of while Batman on the other hand was able to fight with the Joker face to (masked)face....
Now I must run to bed as illness later may "hunt me down"...
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
"You can't believe what fell... all your dreAms, ummph..."
HMM I SHOULD WARN YOU THE LINK TO THE YOUTUBE HAS PROFANITY...
Haha, I love this scene though. The movie is pretty good too. Ok, so how does it related to my blog entry... well my cAr is sorta one of my dream cars and if I can't afford something I like better, I was planning to drive it for some time to come...
BUT "I can't BELIEVE what fell..." I guess I was lucky I was out so late at night and wasn't that many cars out on the highway when my bumper on the left side decided to become a plow and spin me across 3 lanes as if the highway had an intersection. Driving in extreme snow like this that they haven't been able to clear yet is always a gamble anyway... And I assumed taking it fairly cautiously with a former rally championship car (ok ok it came in 2nd to the Impreza, but not bad for a FF car) with some of the best set of winter tires money can buy on only it's second season that I should be playing my cards right...Guess I didn't count on that Ace... and that all of a sudden on a night like this it could shovel up that much snow that fast....But the bumper was loose still and there is a bit of damage to some related components... I was wondering if someone hit me, but hard to tell since I had a minor fender bender with a pole a few years back when my windows fogged and I figure I backed into that spot at least a few thousand times... Anyhow the sheet metal that held the bolt was bent too and it was rusty so I figure it is because I assumed that side would survive when the other side I held up with something else already besides the original metal... cause it's the less rusty side...
At first I wasn't too sure how extensive the damage was till I started to try to work on it. Afterall I still have work the next day, sucks that when one is on contract you can't take any paid days off for whatever reason whatsover... Turns out I don't have to take it into the body shop afterall, cause I was thinking if I can't fix it myself and since the heater in the car has decided to fail YET AGAIN... then even getting parts can cost me regardless of whether I can fix the heater and/or more personally... so I debated whether I would have to give up on the other love of my life in the same year... OUCH as if I didn't go through enough as it is already.... Took me a few hours to patch it though and I still need to do a bit more to ensure it's secure and maybe do what my friend did with his "wife ___ (model of my car, except his is the generation older)" and drill another bolt diagonally into a less rusted part of the car....
Never underestimate rust like I told my friend on MSN and my mom kept on thinking rust proofing is not important when I noticed the car starting to rust a few years ago and nagged my mom about how we should take better care of the car and as my cousin and other experts put it, it DEFINETELY includes rust proofing...
Well I guess I didn't leave the table empty handed after all and am not totally cleaned out... managed to avoid crashing the car and I'm ok... I'm surprised I lived, but a part of me is disappointed that I am going to go on living... means I have to carry on my miserable single existence :/
Haha, I love this scene though. The movie is pretty good too. Ok, so how does it related to my blog entry... well my cAr is sorta one of my dream cars and if I can't afford something I like better, I was planning to drive it for some time to come...
BUT "I can't BELIEVE what fell..." I guess I was lucky I was out so late at night and wasn't that many cars out on the highway when my bumper on the left side decided to become a plow and spin me across 3 lanes as if the highway had an intersection. Driving in extreme snow like this that they haven't been able to clear yet is always a gamble anyway... And I assumed taking it fairly cautiously with a former rally championship car (ok ok it came in 2nd to the Impreza, but not bad for a FF car) with some of the best set of winter tires money can buy on only it's second season that I should be playing my cards right...Guess I didn't count on that Ace... and that all of a sudden on a night like this it could shovel up that much snow that fast....But the bumper was loose still and there is a bit of damage to some related components... I was wondering if someone hit me, but hard to tell since I had a minor fender bender with a pole a few years back when my windows fogged and I figure I backed into that spot at least a few thousand times... Anyhow the sheet metal that held the bolt was bent too and it was rusty so I figure it is because I assumed that side would survive when the other side I held up with something else already besides the original metal... cause it's the less rusty side...
At first I wasn't too sure how extensive the damage was till I started to try to work on it. Afterall I still have work the next day, sucks that when one is on contract you can't take any paid days off for whatever reason whatsover... Turns out I don't have to take it into the body shop afterall, cause I was thinking if I can't fix it myself and since the heater in the car has decided to fail YET AGAIN... then even getting parts can cost me regardless of whether I can fix the heater and/or more personally... so I debated whether I would have to give up on the other love of my life in the same year... OUCH as if I didn't go through enough as it is already.... Took me a few hours to patch it though and I still need to do a bit more to ensure it's secure and maybe do what my friend did with his "wife ___ (model of my car, except his is the generation older)" and drill another bolt diagonally into a less rusted part of the car....
Never underestimate rust like I told my friend on MSN and my mom kept on thinking rust proofing is not important when I noticed the car starting to rust a few years ago and nagged my mom about how we should take better care of the car and as my cousin and other experts put it, it DEFINETELY includes rust proofing...
Well I guess I didn't leave the table empty handed after all and am not totally cleaned out... managed to avoid crashing the car and I'm ok... I'm surprised I lived, but a part of me is disappointed that I am going to go on living... means I have to carry on my miserable single existence :/
Saturday, November 29, 2008
I ought to praise You like I should....
Hehe I still remember when SH compiled that song we had for our famous Apostles "dance" and he excerpted that line to add to the song.
Due to the fact it was just the two of us at fellowship, I recently had a fruitful conversation with a friend of mine about the intricacies of faith and salvation. Turns out he only had very surface knowledge from what others in the church have been able to tell him. But myself, having been through numerous Sunday School classes and now studying some of these topics in even more depth at *seminary* was able to provide him with much more through answers. I really want to PRAISE and thank God that He has been providing me with so many opportunities to apply and use what I learn even though it's only my first credit/class~!
I am also very inspired by seeing some possible foreshadowing of the Good that God can do from some of my past experiences. Although not to imply this is what IS going to happen, but rather God it "would be nice". One of my RHCBC friends CK is currently serving in Asia right now and I remember his love of spiritual books in the past and how "well read" he is. Now recently one of my other friends has developed a passion for spiritual books too and I hope one day God will use him in big ways as well :) And my friend with the inquisitive mind I was talking to recently reminds me a lot of myself when I was his age, always had questions... And I only hope I can do for him what PJ (or should I say MJ, LOL I know I use a lot of Spiderman analogies, but I mean like Missionary-J) used to do for me and help to answer and address these questions. Who knows? Maybe one day God will use that to call one more shepherd into His fold? :)
On a side note... "the hero in me" story continues and I know you might think it's silly, but with all the increased travel I had to do recently I really praise God for the lower gas prices and I really think to myself He is in some way blessing me that way. And even when I met up with my friend I thought/teased myself, I have to make it out tonight, the whole world is counting on me for the gas prices... AND low and behold they did go down 2 cents the very same night!
Due to the fact it was just the two of us at fellowship, I recently had a fruitful conversation with a friend of mine about the intricacies of faith and salvation. Turns out he only had very surface knowledge from what others in the church have been able to tell him. But myself, having been through numerous Sunday School classes and now studying some of these topics in even more depth at *seminary* was able to provide him with much more through answers. I really want to PRAISE and thank God that He has been providing me with so many opportunities to apply and use what I learn even though it's only my first credit/class~!
I am also very inspired by seeing some possible foreshadowing of the Good that God can do from some of my past experiences. Although not to imply this is what IS going to happen, but rather God it "would be nice". One of my RHCBC friends CK is currently serving in Asia right now and I remember his love of spiritual books in the past and how "well read" he is. Now recently one of my other friends has developed a passion for spiritual books too and I hope one day God will use him in big ways as well :) And my friend with the inquisitive mind I was talking to recently reminds me a lot of myself when I was his age, always had questions... And I only hope I can do for him what PJ (or should I say MJ, LOL I know I use a lot of Spiderman analogies, but I mean like Missionary-J) used to do for me and help to answer and address these questions. Who knows? Maybe one day God will use that to call one more shepherd into His fold? :)
On a side note... "the hero in me" story continues and I know you might think it's silly, but with all the increased travel I had to do recently I really praise God for the lower gas prices and I really think to myself He is in some way blessing me that way. And even when I met up with my friend I thought/teased myself, I have to make it out tonight, the whole world is counting on me for the gas prices... AND low and behold they did go down 2 cents the very same night!
Friday, November 07, 2008
Does the hero still live in me?
CUT TO:
WESTLEY IN THE MACHINE,
but it's not on. Count Rugen is adding more notes to his book. He looks up as the Prince suddenly comes down the steps, raging.
HUMPERDINCK
(at Westley)
You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.
And with that he whirls, turns on The Machine, grabs the lever and --
CUT TO:
COUNT RUGEN
calling out --
RUGEN
Not to fifty!!!
But it's too late as we --
CUT TO:
PRINCE HUMPERDINCK,
shoving the lever all the way up and
CUT TO:
WESTLEY'S FACE.
And there has never been such pain. The pain grows and grows and with it now, something else has started
THE DEATH SCREAM. As The Death Scream starts to rise --
CUT TO:
OUTSIDE THE PIT OF DESPAIR
as the SOUND moves along, LOUDER AND LOUDER, and --
CUT TO:
YELLIN AND HIS SIXTY BRUTES.
And they bear it, and a few of the Brutes turn to each other in fear, and as the scream builds --
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP IN HER ROOM.
She hears the SOUND, doesn't know what it is, but her arms involuntarily go around her body to try to control the trembling, and the scream, still builds and --
CUT TO:
ESTABLISHING SHOT ACROSS THE RIVER.
There are many PEOPLE -- it is the day of the country's 500th Anniversary -- but all the People stop as the sound hits them. A few CHILDREN pale, bolt toward their PARENTS and --
CUT TO:
INIGO AND FEZZIK,
trying to make their way through the jammed marketplace, which suddenly quiets as the fading sound comes through.
INIGO
(instantly)
FEZZIK, FEZZIK, listen, do you hear? -- That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Rugen slaughtered my father. The Man in Black makes it now.
FEZZIK
The Man in Black?
INIGO
His true love is marrying another tonight, so who else has cause for Ultimate Suffering?
(trying to push through)
Excuse me --
It's too crowded.
According to this scene of The Princess Bride exerpted from http://www.godamongdirectors.com/scripts/princess.shtml I know what it's like to undergo "Ultimate Suffering". And possibly for a much longer time than Welsey had to go through it too. Part of me is still trying to find an answer for why God wants/wanted me to have to go losing the only woman I truly loved and if not to leave my home church, then what could be the other reasons? I recall when I talked with one of the speakers at CC before, he suggested this challenge which is also making me reconsider enrolling/finishing seminary because of not knowing how to serve God admist my stuggles with couples is probably one of Satan's obstacles to try to stop me. So does that make her right then? When she suggested my love for her could only come from Satan since she's engaged to another man?
If a picture speaks a 1000 words, how many does a video clip?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTHQza3nghc&feature=related
Every year when I step out onto the softball diamond I always hope to myself that this year will be the year I can take home the championship, but year after year it never happens.... Sometimes I feel like God is intentionally keeping this desire from being fulfilled because I always tell myself I want to win at least once before I think about retiring... I was also disappointed at the fact that this year I had to coach an older team and I feel like my co-captain and I were likely the among the best coaches in the league yet on average we had maybe 5 people show up to pratice and it's always only the 3 core players showing up to most of the practices with some variation on the rest. So go figure no suprise that the team with probably the best turnout in pratices (from what I observed dropping by one of their pratices) ended up taking the championship. But still I "kept picturing I would be able to take the championship this year, but it didn't happen man... "
It's very easy in a Christian's walk to want to "give up" at times, especially when one sticks with it but doesn't always see the results. Certainly that was the case with my softball season, even if my team was 2nd in our division in the round robin eliminations, I AGAIN lost in the first round, haha, that is why I can so emphasize with the Leafs... or maybe as my sister in Christ friend WC put it "I have the first round curse" (apparently it's contagious, I must have given it to her 3 years ago before my year with Apostles :P)
But I have an alternative reasoning for why after so long I couldn't move on from my feelings for my close friend who was involved and is now engaged to another man... and that is maybe God is trying to train me, maybe He did it to "give us (me) strength, makes us (me) noble and finally allows us to die with pride...even though sometimes we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most, even our dreams...."
It's ironic how many real life analogies I have with Spiderman, when I find myself amazing skilled (probably from pratice) at using that rock climbing tread-mill contraption at my company's gym and I think about the "maybe you're not meant to be Spiderman climbing those walls" scene and also the fact that I had my eye sight restored this year and had to switch to wearing NON-PRESCRIPTION glasses to protect my eyes from UV on a cloudy day, otherwise my vision would be blurry if I wore prescription glasses like Peter Parker did without his Spidey powers...
Particularly, I have to think about how I need to spend my money in the comming year and I have to choose between my dream car and saving it for other things such as tuition... "Sometimes we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most, even our dreams...."
So since God has already allowed me to endure "Ultimate Suffering"... maybe I AM READY to give my all for Him now! :D No more being half-committed to Him in some of my decisions, it's all Jesus, ALL THE WAY... You are the way, the truth and the life, we life by faith and not by sight, for you...
WESTLEY IN THE MACHINE,
but it's not on. Count Rugen is adding more notes to his book. He looks up as the Prince suddenly comes down the steps, raging.
HUMPERDINCK
(at Westley)
You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.
And with that he whirls, turns on The Machine, grabs the lever and --
CUT TO:
COUNT RUGEN
calling out --
RUGEN
Not to fifty!!!
But it's too late as we --
CUT TO:
PRINCE HUMPERDINCK,
shoving the lever all the way up and
CUT TO:
WESTLEY'S FACE.
And there has never been such pain. The pain grows and grows and with it now, something else has started
THE DEATH SCREAM. As The Death Scream starts to rise --
CUT TO:
OUTSIDE THE PIT OF DESPAIR
as the SOUND moves along, LOUDER AND LOUDER, and --
CUT TO:
YELLIN AND HIS SIXTY BRUTES.
And they bear it, and a few of the Brutes turn to each other in fear, and as the scream builds --
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP IN HER ROOM.
She hears the SOUND, doesn't know what it is, but her arms involuntarily go around her body to try to control the trembling, and the scream, still builds and --
CUT TO:
ESTABLISHING SHOT ACROSS THE RIVER.
There are many PEOPLE -- it is the day of the country's 500th Anniversary -- but all the People stop as the sound hits them. A few CHILDREN pale, bolt toward their PARENTS and --
CUT TO:
INIGO AND FEZZIK,
trying to make their way through the jammed marketplace, which suddenly quiets as the fading sound comes through.
INIGO
(instantly)
FEZZIK, FEZZIK, listen, do you hear? -- That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Rugen slaughtered my father. The Man in Black makes it now.
FEZZIK
The Man in Black?
INIGO
His true love is marrying another tonight, so who else has cause for Ultimate Suffering?
(trying to push through)
Excuse me --
It's too crowded.
According to this scene of The Princess Bride exerpted from http://www.godamongdirectors.com/scripts/princess.shtml I know what it's like to undergo "Ultimate Suffering". And possibly for a much longer time than Welsey had to go through it too. Part of me is still trying to find an answer for why God wants/wanted me to have to go losing the only woman I truly loved and if not to leave my home church, then what could be the other reasons? I recall when I talked with one of the speakers at CC before, he suggested this challenge which is also making me reconsider enrolling/finishing seminary because of not knowing how to serve God admist my stuggles with couples is probably one of Satan's obstacles to try to stop me. So does that make her right then? When she suggested my love for her could only come from Satan since she's engaged to another man?
If a picture speaks a 1000 words, how many does a video clip?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTHQza3nghc&feature=related
Every year when I step out onto the softball diamond I always hope to myself that this year will be the year I can take home the championship, but year after year it never happens.... Sometimes I feel like God is intentionally keeping this desire from being fulfilled because I always tell myself I want to win at least once before I think about retiring... I was also disappointed at the fact that this year I had to coach an older team and I feel like my co-captain and I were likely the among the best coaches in the league yet on average we had maybe 5 people show up to pratice and it's always only the 3 core players showing up to most of the practices with some variation on the rest. So go figure no suprise that the team with probably the best turnout in pratices (from what I observed dropping by one of their pratices) ended up taking the championship. But still I "kept picturing I would be able to take the championship this year, but it didn't happen man... "
It's very easy in a Christian's walk to want to "give up" at times, especially when one sticks with it but doesn't always see the results. Certainly that was the case with my softball season, even if my team was 2nd in our division in the round robin eliminations, I AGAIN lost in the first round, haha, that is why I can so emphasize with the Leafs... or maybe as my sister in Christ friend WC put it "I have the first round curse" (apparently it's contagious, I must have given it to her 3 years ago before my year with Apostles :P)
But I have an alternative reasoning for why after so long I couldn't move on from my feelings for my close friend who was involved and is now engaged to another man... and that is maybe God is trying to train me, maybe He did it to "give us (me) strength, makes us (me) noble and finally allows us to die with pride...even though sometimes we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most, even our dreams...."
It's ironic how many real life analogies I have with Spiderman, when I find myself amazing skilled (probably from pratice) at using that rock climbing tread-mill contraption at my company's gym and I think about the "maybe you're not meant to be Spiderman climbing those walls" scene and also the fact that I had my eye sight restored this year and had to switch to wearing NON-PRESCRIPTION glasses to protect my eyes from UV on a cloudy day, otherwise my vision would be blurry if I wore prescription glasses like Peter Parker did without his Spidey powers...
Particularly, I have to think about how I need to spend my money in the comming year and I have to choose between my dream car and saving it for other things such as tuition... "Sometimes we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most, even our dreams...."
So since God has already allowed me to endure "Ultimate Suffering"... maybe I AM READY to give my all for Him now! :D No more being half-committed to Him in some of my decisions, it's all Jesus, ALL THE WAY... You are the way, the truth and the life, we life by faith and not by sight, for you...
Sunday, October 19, 2008
New Beginnings... this one's for you "John"...
A few hours ago, I attended the sending off banquet of my former English Pastor who's soon to be in Germany as a missionary. But I myself and wondering maybe he's not the only one who's meant to leave our church. Maybe it's time for me to "jump ship" also. Provided the reasons I'm leaving are also God honouring.
It's interesting how many different variations Logos has used for his name over the years because of his title changes and now he's becomming a missionary so again it is changing. Well for me, "John" has always been the way of keeping it simple since I have a tendency of using the wrong titles often at times, like calling him Pastor John even after he's become Reverend... Besides I figure when we go to heaven all these title will become irrevelant anyhow... hehe, keep that in mind people! Regardless of what title I will have in the future, calling me plain "Kevin" is OK too :) I remember in summer retreat one of my PK friends (not the taboo meaning of "PK"!) called me Pastor Yan once probably as a joke. Well in a way, if Pastor John's initials was PJ... then...
What could possibly be the last words I hear from him before he leaves for Germany I have been thinking about for the last 3 hours too. His main point was I'm too young to have to be worry about such things. And looking back, I don't know why I'm so desperate to believe I'm old... Like my friend always tells me "age" is just a #... nobody in my softball team last year could believe I really was as old as I said I was... I don't look it... and maybe I'm blessed by God not to really feel it either. Plus I think I proved to myself playing 14 consecutive innings with the Slingers during the RHCBC fellowship cup and having to go up to bat sometimes twice or more each half inning because they were short on players that I can still kick it just like any other youngster... Funny thing is just yesturday my friend asked me how old I was and I had to dig up my license for her because I guess it's good for me not to remember my age so I can live my life as if age doesn't matter...
Well ok fine I'm not THAT old... but recently I still feel like I'm going through a quarter life crisis and I think I was a bit naive to think that the things bothering me and keeping me from sleeping would just go away like that tonight even though I tried to distract myself...
Hmm I might add to this entry later, going to try for sleep again now that I ate some food and hopefully will be able to sleep now... but since it's already typed, I'm going to close with my Facebook parody of the scene when Captain Picard is speaking to a civilian from the past in First Contact about his vendetta with the Borg...
This one's for you "John"...:)
Facebook is sprung up, boots out Friendster and takes over the online profile world like MSN booting out ICQ and we fall back...
Facebook allows people to post pictures showing themselves with their significant other and they tried to "friend" me and we fall back...
Facebook has a more fancy and sophisticated way of showing one's relationship status and we fall back...
Facebook's new format starts showing you a summary screen also indicating who recently hooked up and we fall back...
Facebook now tries to suggest friends to you even though you didn't add them to your list yourself....NOT AGAIN... my sleep must be drawn HERE!
It's interesting how many different variations Logos has used for his name over the years because of his title changes and now he's becomming a missionary so again it is changing. Well for me, "John" has always been the way of keeping it simple since I have a tendency of using the wrong titles often at times, like calling him Pastor John even after he's become Reverend... Besides I figure when we go to heaven all these title will become irrevelant anyhow... hehe, keep that in mind people! Regardless of what title I will have in the future, calling me plain "Kevin" is OK too :) I remember in summer retreat one of my PK friends (not the taboo meaning of "PK"!) called me Pastor Yan once probably as a joke. Well in a way, if Pastor John's initials was PJ... then...
What could possibly be the last words I hear from him before he leaves for Germany I have been thinking about for the last 3 hours too. His main point was I'm too young to have to be worry about such things. And looking back, I don't know why I'm so desperate to believe I'm old... Like my friend always tells me "age" is just a #... nobody in my softball team last year could believe I really was as old as I said I was... I don't look it... and maybe I'm blessed by God not to really feel it either. Plus I think I proved to myself playing 14 consecutive innings with the Slingers during the RHCBC fellowship cup and having to go up to bat sometimes twice or more each half inning because they were short on players that I can still kick it just like any other youngster... Funny thing is just yesturday my friend asked me how old I was and I had to dig up my license for her because I guess it's good for me not to remember my age so I can live my life as if age doesn't matter...
Well ok fine I'm not THAT old... but recently I still feel like I'm going through a quarter life crisis and I think I was a bit naive to think that the things bothering me and keeping me from sleeping would just go away like that tonight even though I tried to distract myself...
Hmm I might add to this entry later, going to try for sleep again now that I ate some food and hopefully will be able to sleep now... but since it's already typed, I'm going to close with my Facebook parody of the scene when Captain Picard is speaking to a civilian from the past in First Contact about his vendetta with the Borg...
This one's for you "John"...:)
Facebook is sprung up, boots out Friendster and takes over the online profile world like MSN booting out ICQ and we fall back...
Facebook allows people to post pictures showing themselves with their significant other and they tried to "friend" me and we fall back...
Facebook has a more fancy and sophisticated way of showing one's relationship status and we fall back...
Facebook's new format starts showing you a summary screen also indicating who recently hooked up and we fall back...
Facebook now tries to suggest friends to you even though you didn't add them to your list yourself....NOT AGAIN... my sleep must be drawn HERE!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
"Not an empty seat anymore..."
Mary Jane Watson: "By the way, John has seen my show 5 times. Harry has seen it twice. Aunt May has seen it. My sick mother got out of bed to see it. Even my father, he came backstage to borrow cash. But my best friend who cares so much about me, can't make 8 o'clock curtain. After all these years, he's nothing to me but an empty seat."
...
Peter: "You don't understand. I'm not an empty seat anymore. I'm different. Punch me, I bleed!"
I thought I might start with another secular quote to set the mood. But I also feel I need to balance things out and quote the bible also, regardless whether you as the reader are Christian or not, there's no harm to read the bible:
Romans 12:1-2
Living Sacrifices
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
As I mentioned in a previous blog entry, I will try to write a reflection after each directional sermon at my church. Here is the passage from the sermon which I will need to mention in my reflection:
Revelations 3:14-20
"To the Church in Laodicea
14"To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:
These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. 15I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. 19Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. 20Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me."
Coincidently the night before I was thinking about how I have been trying to make changes in my life, not necessarily just to tell someone that I'm not an empty seat anymore
...
Peter: "You don't understand. I'm not an empty seat anymore. I'm different. Punch me, I bleed!"
I thought I might start with another secular quote to set the mood. But I also feel I need to balance things out and quote the bible also, regardless whether you as the reader are Christian or not, there's no harm to read the bible:
Romans 12:1-2
Living Sacrifices
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
As I mentioned in a previous blog entry, I will try to write a reflection after each directional sermon at my church. Here is the passage from the sermon which I will need to mention in my reflection:
Revelations 3:14-20
"To the Church in Laodicea
14"To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:
These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. 15I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. 19Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. 20Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me."
Coincidently the night before I was thinking about how I have been trying to make changes in my life, not necessarily just to tell someone that I'm not an empty seat anymore
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
"The Last Battle"
I'm conveniently re-using the title of CS Lewis' last book in the Narnia series as the title of my blog entry also. But not to suggest that this will be my final blog entry, (but who knows :P, just so busy nowadays)... Besides, I would hope you (if anyone's still reading this :P) would rather I be out there "living out" or applying this blog entry than spending my time blogging :P But of course it would be good to share about the fruits of my adventures...
I'm going to set the mood a bit differently than the last few entries and quote from the bible as opposed to the movie:
[Matthew 13:1-9]
"1That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. 2Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. 3Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9He who has ears, let him hear..."
[Matthew 13:18-23]
"18...Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. 22The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. 23But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."
I was thinking about this passage on Sunday in church while listening to the sermon and it brought to mind that like "farmers" God needs us to be "intentional" about our outreach/evangelism as well perhaps not overlook the "random" opportunities as God may still grow something out of that, and sometimes the random growths can be even more fruitful than the planned ones.
What I hope to point out in an interesting way in this entry is that I need to be a "modern day Prince Kaspian"... Haha, yes, I know I spell it with a "K" but it's intentional. I found this movie to be inspiration to me, much more so than any of the other ones I've seen this summer. While I may not live in Narnia, which I believe may be an analogy to the Garden of Eden in my opinion, I do live in a world where a "spiritual battle" is going around me everyday... Reminds me of another quote I heard in a show once about how their former arch-rival was telling them that the apocalypse is already here and "heros" don't just "accept" the way the world is, but they need to try to change it.
While my story up to this point may not follow Prince Kaspian's exactly, I too used to live a more wealthy life before my parents lost all their financial stability, and those who know me can understand what I mean by I too kinda know what it's like to live without a father... But what inspires me and what I hope I can shadow from this fictional character is his determination and persistence to "do the right thing" even against overwhelming circumstances/odds. Kinda like what happened just a while ago when I was trying to talk about the gospel with my old friend from University and he avoided the subject... There are other times in life where I am busy to the point I barely have time to relax, where can I find time to squeeze in for other important stuff like evangelism, praying and caring for others, other things for God. And it isn't always easy to be a good Christian when surrounded by people who aren't, whether that be former classmates, family or co-workers...
So what are us Christians to do? What am I do to? Well like a paraphrase from a line in that movie, I'm going to say this, God created this world and gave it to His creation to be tenants and take care of it. The world isn't as it should be, like I said in the other entry, it's cruel, it's harsh... However long ago you didn't believe in God, whether 2 days, 2 years, 2 decades, you are now members of God's family, God's church... "...days ago, I didn't believe in the existence of miracles... prayer or... or Christians with a relationship with an almighty God. Yet here you are, in strengths and numbers Satan could never have imagined. Whether what we can do is magic or not, God has brought us together... and together, we have a chance to take back what is ours!"
And so it begins... the chronicles of K, Prince Kaspian...
I'm going to set the mood a bit differently than the last few entries and quote from the bible as opposed to the movie:
[Matthew 13:1-9]
"1That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. 2Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. 3Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9He who has ears, let him hear..."
[Matthew 13:18-23]
"18...Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. 22The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. 23But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."
I was thinking about this passage on Sunday in church while listening to the sermon and it brought to mind that like "farmers" God needs us to be "intentional" about our outreach/evangelism as well perhaps not overlook the "random" opportunities as God may still grow something out of that, and sometimes the random growths can be even more fruitful than the planned ones.
What I hope to point out in an interesting way in this entry is that I need to be a "modern day Prince Kaspian"... Haha, yes, I know I spell it with a "K" but it's intentional. I found this movie to be inspiration to me, much more so than any of the other ones I've seen this summer. While I may not live in Narnia, which I believe may be an analogy to the Garden of Eden in my opinion, I do live in a world where a "spiritual battle" is going around me everyday... Reminds me of another quote I heard in a show once about how their former arch-rival was telling them that the apocalypse is already here and "heros" don't just "accept" the way the world is, but they need to try to change it.
While my story up to this point may not follow Prince Kaspian's exactly, I too used to live a more wealthy life before my parents lost all their financial stability, and those who know me can understand what I mean by I too kinda know what it's like to live without a father... But what inspires me and what I hope I can shadow from this fictional character is his determination and persistence to "do the right thing" even against overwhelming circumstances/odds. Kinda like what happened just a while ago when I was trying to talk about the gospel with my old friend from University and he avoided the subject... There are other times in life where I am busy to the point I barely have time to relax, where can I find time to squeeze in for other important stuff like evangelism, praying and caring for others, other things for God. And it isn't always easy to be a good Christian when surrounded by people who aren't, whether that be former classmates, family or co-workers...
So what are us Christians to do? What am I do to? Well like a paraphrase from a line in that movie, I'm going to say this, God created this world and gave it to His creation to be tenants and take care of it. The world isn't as it should be, like I said in the other entry, it's cruel, it's harsh... However long ago you didn't believe in God, whether 2 days, 2 years, 2 decades, you are now members of God's family, God's church... "...days ago, I didn't believe in the existence of miracles... prayer or... or Christians with a relationship with an almighty God. Yet here you are, in strengths and numbers Satan could never have imagined. Whether what we can do is magic or not, God has brought us together... and together, we have a chance to take back what is ours!"
And so it begins... the chronicles of K, Prince Kaspian...
Saturday, June 28, 2008
SPOILERS!
(If the date of this post changed, it is because I had to correct a spelling mistake...)
As I mentioned in my last entry, this entry will contain what my Sunday School co-students call SPOILERS... when I said some stuff about The Matrix Reloaded, LOL who hasn't seen that movie BY NOW... but the newest Narnia movie Prince Caspian is still pretty new... so I would grant them the use of SPOILERS here :P I will also be using some quotes from the movie "Hitch" as well...
Movies sometimes brings to mind my mom's saying about how "movies are life, life are movies..."; it's basically like her own version of Shakespeare's "All the worlds a stage, all the men and women merely players". I'm not going to open that can of worms about how we might put on facades and stuff at times, save that for another entry(ies). But I will say that often movies and other forms of acting or fiction can at times parallel events in real life and also vice versa... Afterall it is written by human authors not that I am suggesting the bible is also a form of fiction, NOT AT ALL... But some people based on it's content may see it that way, but you do understand the implications that ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN in life...
As someone I wish I could still say I knew put it, life is a journey and as I heard a best man quote ST Voyager as well "maybe it's not the destination that matters, maybe it's the journey... to the journey..."
So here I insert the quotes to set the mood for the battle(s) in my life I must endure for God and His kingdom... If I thought the ones I had to go through in the past were hard, I believe it's only the beginning. The real battles have yet to be fought, it is time to step up to the plate and fight the epic battles Christ needs me to do for Him... not always going to be physical, but never ceasing to be spiritual...Here are the quotes from The Chronicles of Narnia, Prince Caspian...
(I will name each scene with a commentary-type title)
Scene 1 Caspian realizes his calling, receives vision and "steps up" to lead the Narnians (perhaps Acts 9:19-31 is probably one passage I can think of that sorta parallels):
Prince Caspian: Two days ago, I didn't believe in the existence of talking animals... of dwarves or... or centaurs. Yet here you are, in strengths and numbers that we Telmarines could never have imagined. Whether this horn
[raises horn for all to see]
Prince Caspian (continues): is magic or not, it brought us together... and together, we have a chance to take back what is ours!
Scene 2 Failure and difficulties can cause tension, stumbling and for us turn against our own "family" (2 Corinthians 2:10-11):
Lucy Pevensie: What happened?
Peter Pevensie: Ask him.
Susan Pevensie: Peter!
Prince Caspian: Me? You could have called it off, there was still time.
Peter Pevensie: No there wasn't thanks to you. If you had kept to the plan those soldiers might be alive right now.
Prince Caspian: And if you just had stayed here as I suggested they definitely would be!
Peter Pevensie: You called us, remember?
Prince Caspian: My first mistake.
Peter Pevensie: No. Your first mistake was thinking you could lead these people
Peter Pevensie: [turns around and begins to walk off]
Prince Caspian: Hey!
Peter Pevensie: [Peter turns to look at him]
Prince Caspian: I am not the one who abandoned Narnia.
Peter Pevensie: You invaded Narnia. You have no more right leading than Miraz does.
[Caspian pushes past Peter]
Peter Pevensie: You, him, your father! Narnia's better off without the lot of you!
[Caspian and Peter draw swords intending to attack each other]
Scene 3: (LOL I don't know what to call this scene...but it was part of the quotes in imdb.com and I figure it's a good scene because it relates to my original post...) Umm maybe God works through other people not for prophesy, but for encouragement... (Proverbs 27:17)
Prince Caspian: [gives Susan her horn back] Maybe it's time you had this back.
Susan Pevensie: [gives the horn back] Why don't you hold on to it - you might need to call me again.
[a pause while Susan and Caspian exchange a long glance]
Lucy Pevensie: [quoting Susan as they ride off] "You might need to call me again"?
Susan Pevensie: Oh, shut up.
STAY TUNED TO ME BLOG FOR THE "The Last Battle" and my final commissioning entry for me to "STEP UP" for God and hopefully it encourages you to "go and do likewise..." :)
As I mentioned in my last entry, this entry will contain what my Sunday School co-students call SPOILERS... when I said some stuff about The Matrix Reloaded, LOL who hasn't seen that movie BY NOW... but the newest Narnia movie Prince Caspian is still pretty new... so I would grant them the use of SPOILERS here :P I will also be using some quotes from the movie "Hitch" as well...
Movies sometimes brings to mind my mom's saying about how "movies are life, life are movies..."; it's basically like her own version of Shakespeare's "All the worlds a stage, all the men and women merely players". I'm not going to open that can of worms about how we might put on facades and stuff at times, save that for another entry(ies). But I will say that often movies and other forms of acting or fiction can at times parallel events in real life and also vice versa... Afterall it is written by human authors not that I am suggesting the bible is also a form of fiction, NOT AT ALL... But some people based on it's content may see it that way, but you do understand the implications that ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN in life...
As someone I wish I could still say I knew put it, life is a journey and as I heard a best man quote ST Voyager as well "maybe it's not the destination that matters, maybe it's the journey... to the journey..."
So here I insert the quotes to set the mood for the battle(s) in my life I must endure for God and His kingdom... If I thought the ones I had to go through in the past were hard, I believe it's only the beginning. The real battles have yet to be fought, it is time to step up to the plate and fight the epic battles Christ needs me to do for Him... not always going to be physical, but never ceasing to be spiritual...Here are the quotes from The Chronicles of Narnia, Prince Caspian...
(I will name each scene with a commentary-type title)
Scene 1 Caspian realizes his calling, receives vision and "steps up" to lead the Narnians (perhaps Acts 9:19-31 is probably one passage I can think of that sorta parallels):
Prince Caspian: Two days ago, I didn't believe in the existence of talking animals... of dwarves or... or centaurs. Yet here you are, in strengths and numbers that we Telmarines could never have imagined. Whether this horn
[raises horn for all to see]
Prince Caspian (continues): is magic or not, it brought us together... and together, we have a chance to take back what is ours!
Scene 2 Failure and difficulties can cause tension, stumbling and for us turn against our own "family" (2 Corinthians 2:10-11):
Lucy Pevensie: What happened?
Peter Pevensie: Ask him.
Susan Pevensie: Peter!
Prince Caspian: Me? You could have called it off, there was still time.
Peter Pevensie: No there wasn't thanks to you. If you had kept to the plan those soldiers might be alive right now.
Prince Caspian: And if you just had stayed here as I suggested they definitely would be!
Peter Pevensie: You called us, remember?
Prince Caspian: My first mistake.
Peter Pevensie: No. Your first mistake was thinking you could lead these people
Peter Pevensie: [turns around and begins to walk off]
Prince Caspian: Hey!
Peter Pevensie: [Peter turns to look at him]
Prince Caspian: I am not the one who abandoned Narnia.
Peter Pevensie: You invaded Narnia. You have no more right leading than Miraz does.
[Caspian pushes past Peter]
Peter Pevensie: You, him, your father! Narnia's better off without the lot of you!
[Caspian and Peter draw swords intending to attack each other]
Scene 3: (LOL I don't know what to call this scene...but it was part of the quotes in imdb.com and I figure it's a good scene because it relates to my original post...) Umm maybe God works through other people not for prophesy, but for encouragement... (Proverbs 27:17)
Prince Caspian: [gives Susan her horn back] Maybe it's time you had this back.
Susan Pevensie: [gives the horn back] Why don't you hold on to it - you might need to call me again.
[a pause while Susan and Caspian exchange a long glance]
Lucy Pevensie: [quoting Susan as they ride off] "You might need to call me again"?
Susan Pevensie: Oh, shut up.
STAY TUNED TO ME BLOG FOR THE "The Last Battle" and my final commissioning entry for me to "STEP UP" for God and hopefully it encourages you to "go and do likewise..." :)
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Prelude to "the last battle"...
Apparently the last book in the series is called "The Last Battle" not final battle. I guess maybe the war never ends. But ya, I read the preview of the last book at the back cover and it talks about a "False Aslan" so I assume it's like Revelation style...
I feel almost like I want to quote those parts from the Prince Caspian Narnia movie, but perhaps I'll do that in my next entry, so here is the warning:
WARNING: NEXT ENTRY WILL CONTAIN QUOTES/SPOILERS FROM THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN MOVIE...
Anyhow, I saw an episode of Star Trek Voyager on TV the other day that is about faith which I think will really help set the mood for the entry I plan to explain how my journey in Christ is like Prince Caspian's and how I too have my battles to face like a modern day Prince Kaspian, no my little Jojo, I didn't spell it wrong, I did it intentionally, to draw an analogy of me to Prince Caspian... and the next entry won't have that yet, but it will use some quotes from the movie to set the mood for the grand finale.
The context of that episode is that one of the non-Starfleet crew members, Kes steps into some bioelectric field. She was not supposed to go into that area, as it is sacred, but she was being curious and then supposedly she was struck down because the "spirits" punished her. Now the Captain is seeking "spiritual help" from the natives because even with all their high tech medicine, she is unable to find a cure for her crew member (Kes) who is currently suffering from a coma as a result. The quotes begin with the Captain Janeway in a waiting room supposedly "waiting" to speak with "the spirits":
"We are waiting..."
"I can't WAIT... my crew member needs help NOW..."
"Come with me child..."
(a bit later, the next scene when she is talking with that "clergy" woman:)
"So you're expecting a ritual, some tests eh..."
"I don't know what to expect...."
(after she has been suffering from the tests and nearly dies, she experiences a vision)
"You have everything you need to help her YOURSELF...The SPIRITS don't lie..."
"Welcome back (to the WAITING room)..."
"So your little adventure didn't quite work back the way your planned it, you went through all that suffering for nothing... your quest to the spiritual world wasn't quite as successful as you expected..."
"Stubborn aren't you, you weren't expecting and content to WAIT around for the spirits were you..."
"That would be nice and QUANTIFIABLE for you wouldn't it... if the SPIRITS was something you can TOUCH... FEEL... TALK TO...."
"So much for your OPEN MINDED Starfleet ideas..."
"Fine don't listen to us...go back to your ship to play with your micro biographic scanner..."
"You'll find the answer eventually your way won't you?"
"Now there's a leap of faith..."
"There you go again... always looking for a RATIONALE explaination... your biogenic scanners has given you FACTS... that it's lethal... You need to TRUST that it's not the case, that taking her back into the biogenic field that they will cure her as opposed to harm her..."
"If you believe you're there already, there you are... there's more to it than that..."
"If you don't believe then you're BOTH DEAD... SO what are you GOING TO BELIEVE... CAPTAIN...?"
"Everything my method says it's lethal... I WANT TO BELIEVE IT'S POSSIBLE..."
"I know what I'm doing..."
"Are you SURE of that..."
"There's 800 mejajules of biogenic energy running through that field..."
"She (the vitality injured one) won't ASK you to DESTROY yourself for her sake... there are too many people counting on you..."
"I can't give you my word on that... nobody knows what will happen in the shrine when they go in.... I don't know all the answers, BUT YOU DO..."
"Katherine (or did he say "Captain")... I don't understand this..."
"Neither do I... that's the CHALLENGE..."
"They caused the ___ energy... the bioneutric energy captain attained protected as a barrier from the.. etc... etc..."
"It's a perfectly SOUND explaination doctor... very.... scientific...."
ROFL....
It's TIME TO STEP UP....STEP IT UP A NOTCH like our opening cermonies... BAM... like Emeril (the cook will say)... OVERFLOW with that Holy Spirit... I still remember our "Overflowing" theme from this years RCCF retreat, it's awesome! :) It's like ya, have faith in God not in ourselves... I'll leave it at that for now, hopefully you're anticipating my conclusion on this series of posts...
TO BE CONTINUED... KEEP IN MIND THE WARNING ABOUT SPOILERS FROM THE NEW NARNIA MOVIE IN THE NEXT ENTRY...
I feel almost like I want to quote those parts from the Prince Caspian Narnia movie, but perhaps I'll do that in my next entry, so here is the warning:
WARNING: NEXT ENTRY WILL CONTAIN QUOTES/SPOILERS FROM THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN MOVIE...
Anyhow, I saw an episode of Star Trek Voyager on TV the other day that is about faith which I think will really help set the mood for the entry I plan to explain how my journey in Christ is like Prince Caspian's and how I too have my battles to face like a modern day Prince Kaspian, no my little Jojo, I didn't spell it wrong, I did it intentionally, to draw an analogy of me to Prince Caspian... and the next entry won't have that yet, but it will use some quotes from the movie to set the mood for the grand finale.
The context of that episode is that one of the non-Starfleet crew members, Kes steps into some bioelectric field. She was not supposed to go into that area, as it is sacred, but she was being curious and then supposedly she was struck down because the "spirits" punished her. Now the Captain is seeking "spiritual help" from the natives because even with all their high tech medicine, she is unable to find a cure for her crew member (Kes) who is currently suffering from a coma as a result. The quotes begin with the Captain Janeway in a waiting room supposedly "waiting" to speak with "the spirits":
"We are waiting..."
"I can't WAIT... my crew member needs help NOW..."
"Come with me child..."
(a bit later, the next scene when she is talking with that "clergy" woman:)
"So you're expecting a ritual, some tests eh..."
"I don't know what to expect...."
(after she has been suffering from the tests and nearly dies, she experiences a vision)
"You have everything you need to help her YOURSELF...The SPIRITS don't lie..."
"Welcome back (to the WAITING room)..."
"So your little adventure didn't quite work back the way your planned it, you went through all that suffering for nothing... your quest to the spiritual world wasn't quite as successful as you expected..."
"Stubborn aren't you, you weren't expecting and content to WAIT around for the spirits were you..."
"That would be nice and QUANTIFIABLE for you wouldn't it... if the SPIRITS was something you can TOUCH... FEEL... TALK TO...."
"So much for your OPEN MINDED Starfleet ideas..."
"Fine don't listen to us...go back to your ship to play with your micro biographic scanner..."
"You'll find the answer eventually your way won't you?"
"Now there's a leap of faith..."
"There you go again... always looking for a RATIONALE explaination... your biogenic scanners has given you FACTS... that it's lethal... You need to TRUST that it's not the case, that taking her back into the biogenic field that they will cure her as opposed to harm her..."
"If you believe you're there already, there you are... there's more to it than that..."
"If you don't believe then you're BOTH DEAD... SO what are you GOING TO BELIEVE... CAPTAIN...?"
"Everything my method says it's lethal... I WANT TO BELIEVE IT'S POSSIBLE..."
"I know what I'm doing..."
"Are you SURE of that..."
"There's 800 mejajules of biogenic energy running through that field..."
"She (the vitality injured one) won't ASK you to DESTROY yourself for her sake... there are too many people counting on you..."
"I can't give you my word on that... nobody knows what will happen in the shrine when they go in.... I don't know all the answers, BUT YOU DO..."
"Katherine (or did he say "Captain")... I don't understand this..."
"Neither do I... that's the CHALLENGE..."
"They caused the ___ energy... the bioneutric energy captain attained protected as a barrier from the.. etc... etc..."
"It's a perfectly SOUND explaination doctor... very.... scientific...."
ROFL....
It's TIME TO STEP UP....STEP IT UP A NOTCH like our opening cermonies... BAM... like Emeril (the cook will say)... OVERFLOW with that Holy Spirit... I still remember our "Overflowing" theme from this years RCCF retreat, it's awesome! :) It's like ya, have faith in God not in ourselves... I'll leave it at that for now, hopefully you're anticipating my conclusion on this series of posts...
TO BE CONTINUED... KEEP IN MIND THE WARNING ABOUT SPOILERS FROM THE NEW NARNIA MOVIE IN THE NEXT ENTRY...
Monday, June 16, 2008
The Chronicles of K.... "Prince Kaspian" :P
Hehe, good thing I try to remain anonymous on my blog, the copyright issues are like "sketchy" yo... anyhow before I continue my sermon, let's do a bit of singspiration...:
Dear God Lyrics by Boyz II Men
Download Center:
DEAR GOD Ringtone - click here
Bonus BOYZ II MEN Ringtones
[DOWNLOAD THIS SONG NOW] - FREE trial!
edit print
Dear God Lyrics
performed by Boyz II Men
Written by Boyz II Men, Durrell Bottoms, Jamar Jones, Todd Huston, Vivian S. Green, and Richard Smallwood
Dear God,
It's me again...I am so far from where I could have been
Dear God, I would be incomplete
But you came and touched my life in time of need
So I'm thanking you for all you've done
And for sacrificing your only son
Chorus:
That's why I'm writing you this letter
To let you know that I love you
Thank you for all that I am and for being a friend
Lord, my love for you'll never end
Dear God,
It's Shawn this time...I'm so grateful for the way you've changed my life
I'd give all I have, I'd just throw it all away
For a chance to walk with you through heaven's gates
That's why I'm thanking you for your love and your grace
I don't deserve these blessings that you give to me
Chorus
Interlude:
Dear God,
As a humble man I come to you like a child
Needing your knowledge, your love, and your guidance Lord
Thank you for trusting me with my own life's decisions
But I'm just a man, and I don't deserve this incredible life that you've given me
I love you Lord, I love you
Dear God, it's me Wanya...I'm so sorry, so sorry for living for me
But I promise from this day on I'm livin' for you
'Cause without you my life means nothing
LORD IF YOU'RE CALLING ME... SEND ME! I WILL GO!
"To the ends of the earth...." and beyond?
Reflecting back to the movie I watched last week... and it was a "special Tuesday" for me actually, I felt VERY ALONE and it was also the day someone dear to me was born... my "good friend"... of now that I think about it, over 10 years now... Happy beLated! ;)
Ok, BACK ON TOPIC! I was telling my younger sister friend on MSN earlier how like my hair's been getting TOO LONG now and I am in dire need of a haircut... so like HEY HEY spitting image of that guy ("Prince Kaspian").... LOL... anyone wanna lend me their "horn"? :P Ok ok... no more spoilers.... Especially when it comes to real life, it's "so sad... so sad... and it's getting more and more absurd..."
But I realize now... it is time for me to STEP UP like our softball league's theme this year... stop whinning about my singleness, my lack of a fancy sports car and start DOING something GREAT for God... Tom Lin, I have not forgotten your advice to me from CC2007... maybe IT IS time for me to "take fate into my OWN HANDS!!!" Coincidently a position for ministry associate at AFC has opened up and I will soon hear back from *seminary* too with my part-time studies... it's like am I too late? DID I DO THE WRONG THING suggesting my friend who is getting laid off soon to apply, whereas myself, one who I believe GOD is calling to ministry isn't willing to give up my COZY JOB in the "Kingdom of R...." to serve Him!??!? Hypocrite!!! (shame on me...) So ya God... if you call me... I will go!
TO BE CONTINUED AGAIN... (haha... maybe "The Final Battle" as per the CS Lewis series)
Dear God Lyrics by Boyz II Men
Download Center:
DEAR GOD Ringtone - click here
Bonus BOYZ II MEN Ringtones
[DOWNLOAD THIS SONG NOW] - FREE trial!
edit print
Dear God Lyrics
performed by Boyz II Men
Written by Boyz II Men, Durrell Bottoms, Jamar Jones, Todd Huston, Vivian S. Green, and Richard Smallwood
Dear God,
It's me again...I am so far from where I could have been
Dear God, I would be incomplete
But you came and touched my life in time of need
So I'm thanking you for all you've done
And for sacrificing your only son
Chorus:
That's why I'm writing you this letter
To let you know that I love you
Thank you for all that I am and for being a friend
Lord, my love for you'll never end
Dear God,
It's Shawn this time...I'm so grateful for the way you've changed my life
I'd give all I have, I'd just throw it all away
For a chance to walk with you through heaven's gates
That's why I'm thanking you for your love and your grace
I don't deserve these blessings that you give to me
Chorus
Interlude:
Dear God,
As a humble man I come to you like a child
Needing your knowledge, your love, and your guidance Lord
Thank you for trusting me with my own life's decisions
But I'm just a man, and I don't deserve this incredible life that you've given me
I love you Lord, I love you
Dear God, it's me Wanya...I'm so sorry, so sorry for living for me
But I promise from this day on I'm livin' for you
'Cause without you my life means nothing
LORD IF YOU'RE CALLING ME... SEND ME! I WILL GO!
"To the ends of the earth...." and beyond?
Reflecting back to the movie I watched last week... and it was a "special Tuesday" for me actually, I felt VERY ALONE and it was also the day someone dear to me was born... my "good friend"... of now that I think about it, over 10 years now... Happy beLated! ;)
Ok, BACK ON TOPIC! I was telling my younger sister friend on MSN earlier how like my hair's been getting TOO LONG now and I am in dire need of a haircut... so like HEY HEY spitting image of that guy ("Prince Kaspian").... LOL... anyone wanna lend me their "horn"? :P Ok ok... no more spoilers.... Especially when it comes to real life, it's "so sad... so sad... and it's getting more and more absurd..."
But I realize now... it is time for me to STEP UP like our softball league's theme this year... stop whinning about my singleness, my lack of a fancy sports car and start DOING something GREAT for God... Tom Lin, I have not forgotten your advice to me from CC2007... maybe IT IS time for me to "take fate into my OWN HANDS!!!" Coincidently a position for ministry associate at AFC has opened up and I will soon hear back from *seminary* too with my part-time studies... it's like am I too late? DID I DO THE WRONG THING suggesting my friend who is getting laid off soon to apply, whereas myself, one who I believe GOD is calling to ministry isn't willing to give up my COZY JOB in the "Kingdom of R...." to serve Him!??!? Hypocrite!!! (shame on me...) So ya God... if you call me... I will go!
TO BE CONTINUED AGAIN... (haha... maybe "The Final Battle" as per the CS Lewis series)
It APPLIES to us old... (sorry "oLder") foggies as well :P Maybe EVEN MORE so....
Hi,
I will try to find a link appropriate of this blog entry to use later... but right now I am at a lost for words. Kind of like that quality podcast I listened to this morning since I couldn't make it to church due to bad headache on Saturday night. But it did give me a chance to do a lot of things I don't normally get to do on Sunday mornings... like wish my dad a happy father's day (we haven't seen him in over 10 years he has been "AWAY" in Asia)....
So anyhow, as I wait for my attachment to load in my e-mail on the other window... I HOPE that this blog does not fall on death ears/eyes... that the MSG of the speaker or more importantly GOD does not go unheard... and that is my wish always for my blog entries as well... it's like "Pastor Agent K's very first sermon"... kinda like that "my first holophono" in that POP TV show Futurama except I am PLAYING FOR GOD... not PLAYING THE FIELD (for a girl...) So this is me... the early days.. am I any good? Or am I one of those preaches/speakers/bloggers that put people to sleep instead?
This entry might also be called "A FRESH START... A NEW PERSPECTIVE"... and if it were a worship, I would put that "PERSPECTIVES" song by Kutlass, "Rescue" by Desperation Band (Urbana 2006) and maybe that "Why" (Nicole Norderman) song in the line up. Since I am not leading singspiration this time around, but "preaching" instead... I will forgo that section of that sharing and "get to the point..."
So what is my message, well it can be short and simple, not necessarily sweet, but it can also be LONG and "INTERESTING"... yes, interesting :P At least I hope so... Hey, I was "supervisor" for Elections Ontario in the past, my speaking "skills" can't be THAT BAD now can they? And they "normally" don't give the job to a total "NEW KID" as I was....
Anyhow... my theme for this message is like it's too late for ME to get a fresh start and obviously more so for those who are more advanced than me in physical years or IS THAT REALLY the case? I know people who "passed away" as young as 16... A sister in Christ who was outreaching with us who's only 13 once said "I feel like I've WASTED MY LIFE..." 13... but yet the "young looking :P" 31 year old sister said no such thing, but it was good this quote of the 13 year old the 31 year old did convicted not only her, but me and most of the people in that room!!!
Like that line in the MCBCSL opening ceremony skit today "Love... yea yea...." Jesus is LOVE.... God is LOVE... but what are we doing in response to his love? Do we "bring Him more than a song"? Perhaps as a classic way of doing things, let's look into this word, to make it more analogic and dramatic like Pastor's do trying to use analogies from "movies" or other sources, I will use the AMPLIFIED translation of the bible:
1 Corinthians 13 (Amplified Bible)
Amplified Bible (AMP)
Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation
1 Corinthians 13
1IF I [can] speak in the tongues of men and [even] of angels, but have not love (that reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion such [a]as is inspired by God's love for and in us), I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
2And if I have prophetic powers ([b]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), and understand all the secret truths and mysteries and possess all knowledge, and if I have [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but have not love (God's love in me) I am nothing (a useless nobody).
3Even if I dole out all that I have [to the poor in providing] food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or [c] in order that I may glory, but have not love (God's love in me), I gain nothing.
4Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
5It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
6It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
7Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].
8Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy ([d]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].
9For our knowledge is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect), and our prophecy (our teaching) is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect).
10But when the complete and perfect (total) comes, the incomplete and imperfect will vanish away (become antiquated, void, and superseded).
11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside.
12For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as [e]in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but then I shall know and understand [f]fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been [g]fully and clearly known and understood [[h]by God].
13And so faith, hope, love abide [faith--conviction and belief respecting man's relation to God and divine things; hope--joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love--true affection for God and man, growing out of God's love for and in us], these three; but the greatest of these is love.....
(hehe "love")..."yea yea..." :P
TO BE CONTINUED (haha, like a lot of my other unfinished posts... same on me, like my cell group leader said, I need to "FOLLOW THROUGH" on my commitments regardless of whether I like them or not...)
But at least as the speaker at CC2008 said, I've "relieved my spiritual constipation"... :P
I will try to find a link appropriate of this blog entry to use later... but right now I am at a lost for words. Kind of like that quality podcast I listened to this morning since I couldn't make it to church due to bad headache on Saturday night. But it did give me a chance to do a lot of things I don't normally get to do on Sunday mornings... like wish my dad a happy father's day (we haven't seen him in over 10 years he has been "AWAY" in Asia)....
So anyhow, as I wait for my attachment to load in my e-mail on the other window... I HOPE that this blog does not fall on death ears/eyes... that the MSG of the speaker or more importantly GOD does not go unheard... and that is my wish always for my blog entries as well... it's like "Pastor Agent K's very first sermon"... kinda like that "my first holophono" in that POP TV show Futurama except I am PLAYING FOR GOD... not PLAYING THE FIELD (for a girl...) So this is me... the early days.. am I any good? Or am I one of those preaches/speakers/bloggers that put people to sleep instead?
This entry might also be called "A FRESH START... A NEW PERSPECTIVE"... and if it were a worship, I would put that "PERSPECTIVES" song by Kutlass, "Rescue" by Desperation Band (Urbana 2006) and maybe that "Why" (Nicole Norderman) song in the line up. Since I am not leading singspiration this time around, but "preaching" instead... I will forgo that section of that sharing and "get to the point..."
So what is my message, well it can be short and simple, not necessarily sweet, but it can also be LONG and "INTERESTING"... yes, interesting :P At least I hope so... Hey, I was "supervisor" for Elections Ontario in the past, my speaking "skills" can't be THAT BAD now can they? And they "normally" don't give the job to a total "NEW KID" as I was....
Anyhow... my theme for this message is like it's too late for ME to get a fresh start and obviously more so for those who are more advanced than me in physical years or IS THAT REALLY the case? I know people who "passed away" as young as 16... A sister in Christ who was outreaching with us who's only 13 once said "I feel like I've WASTED MY LIFE..." 13... but yet the "young looking :P" 31 year old sister said no such thing, but it was good this quote of the 13 year old the 31 year old did convicted not only her, but me and most of the people in that room!!!
Like that line in the MCBCSL opening ceremony skit today "Love... yea yea...." Jesus is LOVE.... God is LOVE... but what are we doing in response to his love? Do we "bring Him more than a song"? Perhaps as a classic way of doing things, let's look into this word, to make it more analogic and dramatic like Pastor's do trying to use analogies from "movies" or other sources, I will use the AMPLIFIED translation of the bible:
1 Corinthians 13 (Amplified Bible)
Amplified Bible (AMP)
Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation
1 Corinthians 13
1IF I [can] speak in the tongues of men and [even] of angels, but have not love (that reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion such [a]as is inspired by God's love for and in us), I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
2And if I have prophetic powers ([b]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), and understand all the secret truths and mysteries and possess all knowledge, and if I have [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but have not love (God's love in me) I am nothing (a useless nobody).
3Even if I dole out all that I have [to the poor in providing] food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or [c] in order that I may glory, but have not love (God's love in me), I gain nothing.
4Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
5It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
6It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
7Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].
8Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy ([d]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].
9For our knowledge is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect), and our prophecy (our teaching) is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect).
10But when the complete and perfect (total) comes, the incomplete and imperfect will vanish away (become antiquated, void, and superseded).
11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside.
12For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as [e]in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but then I shall know and understand [f]fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been [g]fully and clearly known and understood [[h]by God].
13And so faith, hope, love abide [faith--conviction and belief respecting man's relation to God and divine things; hope--joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love--true affection for God and man, growing out of God's love for and in us], these three; but the greatest of these is love.....
(hehe "love")..."yea yea..." :P
TO BE CONTINUED (haha, like a lot of my other unfinished posts... same on me, like my cell group leader said, I need to "FOLLOW THROUGH" on my commitments regardless of whether I like them or not...)
But at least as the speaker at CC2008 said, I've "relieved my spiritual constipation"... :P
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Go figure...
Hmm... the word figure reminds me of something more out of my University days... but in this context you are right in assuming it has a DIFFERENT meaning... I wish I could spend more time blogging but life has been busy and not kind... I figure I'll try to enjoy myself, take a break and watch the lastest Narnia movie, but "go figure" even a kid movie can that stuff??? The stuff I most dread seeing, you may figure it out eventually....
You would expect a happy ending and I guess it was, but for me, I saw something I really didn't want to see and it made it a sad ending for me...
Without "spoilers" as I have already been accused by my fellow students in Sunday School of doing with that clip from Matrix Reloaded the teacher decided to show in class... I will share a song from the end unusually called "The Call" and it was really hard to find even if I tried to "google it"...
The Call
-=-=-=-=-
Regina Spektor
It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye
Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
---------------
There's apparently also a Switchfoot song on the soundtrack but don't recall where in the movie they used it...opps sorry I said no spoilers :P
You would expect a happy ending and I guess it was, but for me, I saw something I really didn't want to see and it made it a sad ending for me...
Without "spoilers" as I have already been accused by my fellow students in Sunday School of doing with that clip from Matrix Reloaded the teacher decided to show in class... I will share a song from the end unusually called "The Call" and it was really hard to find even if I tried to "google it"...
The Call
-=-=-=-=-
Regina Spektor
It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye
Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
---------------
There's apparently also a Switchfoot song on the soundtrack but don't recall where in the movie they used it...opps sorry I said no spoilers :P
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
My heart has been broken... but hopefully "for what breaks Yours..."
I realized it has been a while since I've posted and I feel a bit bad about it. Because I had dedicated this blog to God, it is one medium where I had hoped to use to bring some light to our "broken world". YES we really do live in a broken world and it wasn't till Campus Challenge this year that reminded me just how broken it really is... Haha, it wasn't till then that my driver this year pointed out how SKETCHY the apartment I live in is either! :P
Anyhow, I was watching the end of King Kong earlier today since I was sick in bed and didn't want to sleep right after lunch so I was curious to "see how it ends". I vaguely recall one of the lines might have been used in one of the sermons at CC:
"He was King in his world, but he comes to us a captive..."
Hehe, I probably won't be able to make the connection to Jesus if it wasn't mentioned before... maybe... Also at the very end it's like:
"No, the planes didn't kill him, it was beauty that killed the beast..."
I am reminded of my conviction from the conference, to do what I can, even in my pre-MDiv days to make the world into a better place and negate the fact that I'm only "one man"... like another line in the pilot episode another show I like..."But I'm just one man..." Response->"Your heart will show you the way..." yea yea...
Let me first give you the lyrics from the song I first sung at the MCBCSL praise night and later again at Campus Challenge that is a real tear-jerker not just for me but one of my small group members as well awww....:
[Verse 1]
I see the King of glory
Coming down the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes
I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing, the people sing
[Chorus]
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest (x2)
[Verse 2]
I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees
[Bridge]
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
[Chorus]
http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/h/hillsong_united/hosanna.html
The website also has a embedded YouTube video of what I believe is the live Hillsongs concert... It's like hehe, we didn't have that many people at CC2008, but at least we had more asians (than shown in the video at least :P)... I always tell people that CC in a way is almost a mini Urbana because it's 4 days, almost as long as Urbana's five days and we have more people than what one might expect at their church. I guess we tend to spread out more at the conference places it seems like more than we really have... But nonetheless while it may even be a smaller # of Christians than other English congregations, it's larger than the one at LBCM so it seems like more people to me at least...
Anyhow I think the second verse and the bridge is what touches me the most... do we as Christians really live out "selfless faith"? Are we willing to have God "open our eyes to the things unseen" and as a result perhaps it will "break our hearts for what breaks His"?!??! Definetely not an easy conviction to live by... but during the Conference, God opened my eyes to see that I must take the steps to join Him in His work, submit to Him and he showed me just how insignificant my role is compared to His infinite great power and what I do doesn't really matter other than whether I am willing to submit to Him or not... Like our CC theme verse(s): "20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." [Ephesians 3:20-21] So hence I need to look less at results/circumstances and MORE towards whether I am SUBMITting to Him or not...
We may very well be God's last generation here on earth as I discussed with my roommate in a God inspired and fueled conversation that lasted till 6AM on the last day... Will we be able to make that difference for God? Bring the world to it's knees and it's glorious biblically predicted end? As per another quote in a show I really like and used to watch:
"But I did get time to think..About us, about the world. Nothing in the world is as
it ought to be. It's harsh, it's cruel. But that's why there's us. Champions. Doesn't matter where we come from, what we've done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be. You're not a part of that yet, I hope you will be. I love you..."
Our world IS harsh... it IS cruel... it IS as I heard in a recent podcast, "so messed up" and basically "evil"... But as Christians can we be the holy-spirit powered "Champions" for God we're meant to be... Can we "live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be"? God LOVES us... how will we respond? :O We will be able to be a part of all the things God wants to bring to our earth? Part of His "revival"? With "selfless faith... selfless faith..."? Some things I haven't been able to stop thinking about as I find myself perhaps not even as eager to hear back about my application to *seminary* as much as I should be...
Recently some friends and I have been playing Scene It a lot and besides "Love means never having to say you're sorry." I found some other quotes from Love Story I would like to bring in "randomly":
Jennifer Cavalieri: You look stupid and rich.
Oliver Barrett IV: Well, what if I'm smart and poor?
Jennifer Cavalieri: *I'm* smart and poor.
Oliver Barrett IV: Well what makes you so smart?
Jennifer Cavalieri: I wouldn't go out for coffee with you that's what.
Oliver Barrett IV: Well what if I wasn't even gonna ask you to go out for coffee with me?
Jennifer Cavalieri: Well that's what makes you stupid.
Was Jesus Christ "stupid" to come to earth to try to save a doomed, sinful race only to have it result in His own death and even till present day, not everyone has "come to Christ"? Some may think so... And maybe sometimes love can seem illogical and "stupid" to some people, but what Jesus did, He did out of love, for us...:
"15Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.
16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 17If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?" [1 John 3:15-17]
Jesus Christ came not only for you and me, but for the worst of sinners, for the theives, the murderers, the mafia, you name it... will we be able to do the same? Maybe not even go to that extreme, will we be able to even attempt to talk to that neighbour of ours who seemingly will never come to Christ? Jesus leaves the fate of our world into our hands because He trusts us, He has Faith in us... what will we make of it?
"Nothing in the world is as it ought to be. It's harsh, it's cruel. But that's why there's us. ... We live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be."
Anyhow, I was watching the end of King Kong earlier today since I was sick in bed and didn't want to sleep right after lunch so I was curious to "see how it ends". I vaguely recall one of the lines might have been used in one of the sermons at CC:
"He was King in his world, but he comes to us a captive..."
Hehe, I probably won't be able to make the connection to Jesus if it wasn't mentioned before... maybe... Also at the very end it's like:
"No, the planes didn't kill him, it was beauty that killed the beast..."
I am reminded of my conviction from the conference, to do what I can, even in my pre-MDiv days to make the world into a better place and negate the fact that I'm only "one man"... like another line in the pilot episode another show I like..."But I'm just one man..." Response->"Your heart will show you the way..." yea yea...
Let me first give you the lyrics from the song I first sung at the MCBCSL praise night and later again at Campus Challenge that is a real tear-jerker not just for me but one of my small group members as well awww....:
[Verse 1]
I see the King of glory
Coming down the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes
I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing, the people sing
[Chorus]
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest (x2)
[Verse 2]
I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees
[Bridge]
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
[Chorus]
http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/h/hillsong_united/hosanna.html
The website also has a embedded YouTube video of what I believe is the live Hillsongs concert... It's like hehe, we didn't have that many people at CC2008, but at least we had more asians (than shown in the video at least :P)... I always tell people that CC in a way is almost a mini Urbana because it's 4 days, almost as long as Urbana's five days and we have more people than what one might expect at their church. I guess we tend to spread out more at the conference places it seems like more than we really have... But nonetheless while it may even be a smaller # of Christians than other English congregations, it's larger than the one at LBCM so it seems like more people to me at least...
Anyhow I think the second verse and the bridge is what touches me the most... do we as Christians really live out "selfless faith"? Are we willing to have God "open our eyes to the things unseen" and as a result perhaps it will "break our hearts for what breaks His"?!??! Definetely not an easy conviction to live by... but during the Conference, God opened my eyes to see that I must take the steps to join Him in His work, submit to Him and he showed me just how insignificant my role is compared to His infinite great power and what I do doesn't really matter other than whether I am willing to submit to Him or not... Like our CC theme verse(s): "20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." [Ephesians 3:20-21] So hence I need to look less at results/circumstances and MORE towards whether I am SUBMITting to Him or not...
We may very well be God's last generation here on earth as I discussed with my roommate in a God inspired and fueled conversation that lasted till 6AM on the last day... Will we be able to make that difference for God? Bring the world to it's knees and it's glorious biblically predicted end? As per another quote in a show I really like and used to watch:
"But I did get time to think..About us, about the world. Nothing in the world is as
it ought to be. It's harsh, it's cruel. But that's why there's us. Champions. Doesn't matter where we come from, what we've done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be. You're not a part of that yet, I hope you will be. I love you..."
Our world IS harsh... it IS cruel... it IS as I heard in a recent podcast, "so messed up" and basically "evil"... But as Christians can we be the holy-spirit powered "Champions" for God we're meant to be... Can we "live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be"? God LOVES us... how will we respond? :O We will be able to be a part of all the things God wants to bring to our earth? Part of His "revival"? With "selfless faith... selfless faith..."? Some things I haven't been able to stop thinking about as I find myself perhaps not even as eager to hear back about my application to *seminary* as much as I should be...
Recently some friends and I have been playing Scene It a lot and besides "Love means never having to say you're sorry." I found some other quotes from Love Story I would like to bring in "randomly":
Jennifer Cavalieri: You look stupid and rich.
Oliver Barrett IV: Well, what if I'm smart and poor?
Jennifer Cavalieri: *I'm* smart and poor.
Oliver Barrett IV: Well what makes you so smart?
Jennifer Cavalieri: I wouldn't go out for coffee with you that's what.
Oliver Barrett IV: Well what if I wasn't even gonna ask you to go out for coffee with me?
Jennifer Cavalieri: Well that's what makes you stupid.
Was Jesus Christ "stupid" to come to earth to try to save a doomed, sinful race only to have it result in His own death and even till present day, not everyone has "come to Christ"? Some may think so... And maybe sometimes love can seem illogical and "stupid" to some people, but what Jesus did, He did out of love, for us...:
"15Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.
16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 17If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?" [1 John 3:15-17]
Jesus Christ came not only for you and me, but for the worst of sinners, for the theives, the murderers, the mafia, you name it... will we be able to do the same? Maybe not even go to that extreme, will we be able to even attempt to talk to that neighbour of ours who seemingly will never come to Christ? Jesus leaves the fate of our world into our hands because He trusts us, He has Faith in us... what will we make of it?
"Nothing in the world is as it ought to be. It's harsh, it's cruel. But that's why there's us. ... We live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be."
Sunday, March 02, 2008
.....
I just felt like updating, but I don't have much to say here... however, in case anyone was wondering or still reads this blog, that attempt to sleep on my last entry went terribly bad and maybe all this singleness is starting to drive me insane, but I suddenly thought of an off-colour joke and I can't believe I'm posting this in my blog but....
"I have balls of fury now... and LOL it's not just a result of being a 2X-year-old dirgin" ROFL...
Ok... me thinks maybe a certain someone is right, maybe I have "lost it"... but maybe not...
"I have balls of fury now... and LOL it's not just a result of being a 2X-year-old dirgin" ROFL...
Ok... me thinks maybe a certain someone is right, maybe I have "lost it"... but maybe not...
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Feelings... Nothing more than feelings...
I know I said I'll give a reflection about the directional sermon, but that was almost 3 weeks ago so it's already kind of late, but I'm going to try something a little different in the month that is a bit different....
So why is February different? Well for starters it's the month I'm born and it also happens to be just a tad shorter, hehe... "SHORTer"... hehe... than other months and where they place leap years... and ya, it's also the month of the dreaded V-day... the later is where I'm going to probably focus the majority of this blog... which won't be really a reflection on the sermon itself but likely parts of the sermon(s) and also more on my personal "feelings...nothing more than feelings..."
Well I also wanted to follow up on that thing some of you asked me about earlier, about why I have issues with seeing couples, couple pics, etc.. etc... Well it's pretty self (for some reason I had typed the word "sex", as in "sex explainatory")... well is it really that self explainatory... I dunno... but I think in general people who are single get mixed feelings when they see other people in romantic relationships, either they themselves have never been "involved", were involved or perhaps are involved yet get mixed feelings still possibly because of difference in situation/status, as in say someone who is dating looking on at people who are married or vice versa...
I guess the bottom line I've lost all faith in marriage. It at one time in my life may have been like an idol, but now I feel like it's become something I "loathe"... It's like I don't believe in it being something I can believe in, put my trust in, hmmm how should I word it, "marriage brings nothing but misery" maybe?! Well that's what it has for me and it seems to continue to do to me, even though I'm actually NOT married. But like right now, it's something that really bothers me... In my eyes, I may NEVER get married. And it's like everytime someone talks about their own marriage or I see another couple, it reminds me and pierces me like it's something they have and I will never have and I guess it's not just marriage, but a romantic relationship in general... Like I said in an MSN conversation the other day, I'm the "27 year-old-dirgin"... I've never had a steady or some would even say or interpret my situation as I never had a girlfriend before, hence I'm more than just a virgin, I take it to the next level, I'm a dirgin...:'(
A part of me considered writing an entry like this and maybe it kinda started already with some of my previous entries so that people would stop asking me about why I can't stand seeing couples and now it may have extended to not being able to handle anything romantic related at all... It's like maybe I can just tell people to "bug off" by like "go read my blog..." It's not like I want to be mean, but people constantly asking me about the whole couples thing even if it's out of genuine concern may not be the healthiest thing for me right now. Not sure how the AA thing works. Maybe only I think it's weird to have to keep talking about Alchol when you're trying to get over the habit, but although it's mainly sharing stories about how it ruined their life. However in my case, I dunno if having people share stories about how marriage "ruined their life" is necessary the best course of action, so avoidance/cold-turkeying may be a better alternative. I've been giving it a try, but like peopLe always tell me, couples are everywhere...
Even more so, SEX is everywhere... and it's like should we not be concerned? It's going to take more than just one man not being able to sleep and praying about it to make a change, especially it's the world we're talking about... I wish I could be Jesus, but I'm not... He can change the world, but I can't....He can tolerate being single, but seems like I can't... He doesn't need anyone to be a wife for him... but I... God, why do you have to make this so difficult for me?
I recall our new Pastor-to-be preached in a sermon once that often in life things that come easy we can also EASilY take for granted and things that are harder to earn we seem to appreciate more as humans... I wonder if that's the case with me and marriage... But looking back at all the things that happened to me in the past, including quite a number of people choosing to ignore me, a part of me wonders is it really worth all this trouble and sin that results... Why do I even bother anymore... even if I can't accept it, maybe God has already decided singleness is for me...
But actually I asked God about this at the last CCF retreat, whether He wants me to live a life of singlesness and I believe His answer was NO, but a part of me doesn't really know what to believe anymore. Especially since I just knowingly sinned by putting my Lord to the test (Luke 4:12, Deut. 6:16) and I did not see the sign I expected to see... But I try to remind myself that just cause God decided not to perhaps perform any miracles to earn my trust in Him, although it was a lot less complicated test than that, I shouldn't stop believing in Him... It's just that even though I asked God a question and I thought I had an answer, but the visual evidence didn't back it up even though I do believe in Hebrews 11:1...
Sigh... I might as well get to bed now and try...
So why is February different? Well for starters it's the month I'm born and it also happens to be just a tad shorter, hehe... "SHORTer"... hehe... than other months and where they place leap years... and ya, it's also the month of the dreaded V-day... the later is where I'm going to probably focus the majority of this blog... which won't be really a reflection on the sermon itself but likely parts of the sermon(s) and also more on my personal "feelings...nothing more than feelings..."
Well I also wanted to follow up on that thing some of you asked me about earlier, about why I have issues with seeing couples, couple pics, etc.. etc... Well it's pretty self (for some reason I had typed the word "sex", as in "sex explainatory")... well is it really that self explainatory... I dunno... but I think in general people who are single get mixed feelings when they see other people in romantic relationships, either they themselves have never been "involved", were involved or perhaps are involved yet get mixed feelings still possibly because of difference in situation/status, as in say someone who is dating looking on at people who are married or vice versa...
I guess the bottom line I've lost all faith in marriage. It at one time in my life may have been like an idol, but now I feel like it's become something I "loathe"... It's like I don't believe in it being something I can believe in, put my trust in, hmmm how should I word it, "marriage brings nothing but misery" maybe?! Well that's what it has for me and it seems to continue to do to me, even though I'm actually NOT married. But like right now, it's something that really bothers me... In my eyes, I may NEVER get married. And it's like everytime someone talks about their own marriage or I see another couple, it reminds me and pierces me like it's something they have and I will never have and I guess it's not just marriage, but a romantic relationship in general... Like I said in an MSN conversation the other day, I'm the "27 year-old-dirgin"... I've never had a steady or some would even say or interpret my situation as I never had a girlfriend before, hence I'm more than just a virgin, I take it to the next level, I'm a dirgin...:'(
A part of me considered writing an entry like this and maybe it kinda started already with some of my previous entries so that people would stop asking me about why I can't stand seeing couples and now it may have extended to not being able to handle anything romantic related at all... It's like maybe I can just tell people to "bug off" by like "go read my blog..." It's not like I want to be mean, but people constantly asking me about the whole couples thing even if it's out of genuine concern may not be the healthiest thing for me right now. Not sure how the AA thing works. Maybe only I think it's weird to have to keep talking about Alchol when you're trying to get over the habit, but although it's mainly sharing stories about how it ruined their life. However in my case, I dunno if having people share stories about how marriage "ruined their life" is necessary the best course of action, so avoidance/cold-turkeying may be a better alternative. I've been giving it a try, but like peopLe always tell me, couples are everywhere...
Even more so, SEX is everywhere... and it's like should we not be concerned? It's going to take more than just one man not being able to sleep and praying about it to make a change, especially it's the world we're talking about... I wish I could be Jesus, but I'm not... He can change the world, but I can't....He can tolerate being single, but seems like I can't... He doesn't need anyone to be a wife for him... but I... God, why do you have to make this so difficult for me?
I recall our new Pastor-to-be preached in a sermon once that often in life things that come easy we can also EASilY take for granted and things that are harder to earn we seem to appreciate more as humans... I wonder if that's the case with me and marriage... But looking back at all the things that happened to me in the past, including quite a number of people choosing to ignore me, a part of me wonders is it really worth all this trouble and sin that results... Why do I even bother anymore... even if I can't accept it, maybe God has already decided singleness is for me...
But actually I asked God about this at the last CCF retreat, whether He wants me to live a life of singlesness and I believe His answer was NO, but a part of me doesn't really know what to believe anymore. Especially since I just knowingly sinned by putting my Lord to the test (Luke 4:12, Deut. 6:16) and I did not see the sign I expected to see... But I try to remind myself that just cause God decided not to perhaps perform any miracles to earn my trust in Him, although it was a lot less complicated test than that, I shouldn't stop believing in Him... It's just that even though I asked God a question and I thought I had an answer, but the visual evidence didn't back it up even though I do believe in Hebrews 11:1...
Sigh... I might as well get to bed now and try...
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Haven't updated in a while...
I realized I haven't updated in a while, there are quite a number of entries sitting as drafts I hope to be able to post later/soon...So much for my commitment to try to write a reflection on the monthly "directional" sermons, although last month was pretty personal, but I ought to because I feel comming back from the CCF retreat that God really has given me answers on some of the things I have been reflecting on... Life has been keeping me pretty busy and I shutter to think how things will be like when/if my *seminary* application or other seminaries I will apply to if they don't accept me finally falls through... But I suppose a part of me may have a specific reason for trying to keep myself so busy...
Everytime I quote a secular song being someone who loves to sing so much, it sucks to think back to how an ex-friend whom I guess you can say "rebuked" about having put some lyrics with "lie to me" on her blog without explaination which may give some people the wrong idea in terms of her image as a Christian... but I feel these lyrics do reflect some of the answers I got at the CCF retreat and it relates to another entry I had blogged earlier and not sure if I finished/posted it or not:
Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess
I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake
I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go
I don't want to make you face this world alone
I want to let you go (alone)
I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Incomplete
Everytime I quote a secular song being someone who loves to sing so much, it sucks to think back to how an ex-friend whom I guess you can say "rebuked" about having put some lyrics with "lie to me" on her blog without explaination which may give some people the wrong idea in terms of her image as a Christian... but I feel these lyrics do reflect some of the answers I got at the CCF retreat and it relates to another entry I had blogged earlier and not sure if I finished/posted it or not:
Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess
I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake
I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go
I don't want to make you face this world alone
I want to let you go (alone)
I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Incomplete
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Day 10 "The Heart of Worship"
Why should we worship God? Let me share an excerpt from yet more reading as part of my resolution(s) this year:
...He gave himself away in a ministry of healing, helping, teaching and preaching.
He was misunderstood and misrepresented, and become a victim of men's prejudices and vested interested. He was despised and rejected by his own people, and deserted by his own friends. He gave his back to be flogged, his face to spat upon, his head to be crowned with thorns, his hands and feets to be nailed to a common Roman gallows. And as the cruel spikes were driven home, he kept praying for his tormentors, "Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they do."
Such a man is altogether beyond our reach. He succeeded just where we invariably fail. He had complete self-mastery. He never retaliated. He never grew resentful or irritable. He had such control of himself, whatever men might think or say or do, he would deny himself and abandon himself to the will of God and the welfare of mankind. "I seek not my own will," he said and "I do not seek my own glory." As Paul wrote, "For Christ did not please himself."
This utter disregard of self in the service of God and man is what the Bible calls love. There is no self-interest in love. The essence of love is self-sacrifice. The worst of men is adorned by an occassional flash of such nobility, but the life of Jesus irradicated it with a never-fading incandescent glow.
Jesus was sinless because he was selfless. Such selflessness is love. And God is love.
[Excerpted from Basic Christianity by John Stott pages 55-56, First Edition, March 1958; Second Edition, May 1971]
The Heart Of Worship Lyrics
Artist(Band): Michael W. Smith
Verse 1:
When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart
Bridge:
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
Chorus:
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
Verse 2:
King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath
Bridge:
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
Chorus:
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
Chorus:
I'm coming back to the heart of worship,
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
[http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/The-Heart-Of-Worship-lyrics-Michael-W-Smith/A4C59BF2F01BB33348256C69000D92F4]
...He gave himself away in a ministry of healing, helping, teaching and preaching.
He was misunderstood and misrepresented, and become a victim of men's prejudices and vested interested. He was despised and rejected by his own people, and deserted by his own friends. He gave his back to be flogged, his face to spat upon, his head to be crowned with thorns, his hands and feets to be nailed to a common Roman gallows. And as the cruel spikes were driven home, he kept praying for his tormentors, "Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they do."
Such a man is altogether beyond our reach. He succeeded just where we invariably fail. He had complete self-mastery. He never retaliated. He never grew resentful or irritable. He had such control of himself, whatever men might think or say or do, he would deny himself and abandon himself to the will of God and the welfare of mankind. "I seek not my own will," he said and "I do not seek my own glory." As Paul wrote, "For Christ did not please himself."
This utter disregard of self in the service of God and man is what the Bible calls love. There is no self-interest in love. The essence of love is self-sacrifice. The worst of men is adorned by an occassional flash of such nobility, but the life of Jesus irradicated it with a never-fading incandescent glow.
Jesus was sinless because he was selfless. Such selflessness is love. And God is love.
[Excerpted from Basic Christianity by John Stott pages 55-56, First Edition, March 1958; Second Edition, May 1971]
The Heart Of Worship Lyrics
Artist(Band): Michael W. Smith
Verse 1:
When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart
Bridge:
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
Chorus:
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
Verse 2:
King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath
Bridge:
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
Chorus:
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
Chorus:
I'm coming back to the heart of worship,
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
[http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/The-Heart-Of-Worship-lyrics-Michael-W-Smith/A4C59BF2F01BB33348256C69000D92F4]
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Day 7 - The Reason for Everything
As part of my commitment to try to change a lot this year, I've been quoting Purpose Driven Life which I recently got back from V... Let me also quote a song that doesn't really need any conversion to a Christian friendly set of lyrics:
I'm not a perfect person,
As many things I wish I didn't do,
But I continue learning,
I never meant to do those things to You,
And so I have to say before I go,
That I just want you to know.
I've found a reason for me,
To change who I used to be,
A reason to start over new,
and the reason is You.
I'm sorry that I hurt You,
It's something I must live with everyday,
And all the pain I put you through,
I wish that I could take it all away,
And be the one who catches all your tears,
Thats why I need you to hear.
I've found a reason for me,
To change who I used to be,
A reason to start over new,
and the reason is You [x4].
I'm not a perfect person,
I never meant to do those things to you,
And so I have to say before I go,
That I just want you to know.
I've found a reason for me,
To change who I used to be,
A reason to start over new,
and the reason is You.
I've found a reason to show,
A side of me you didn't know,
A reason for all that I do,
And the reason is You.
I'm not a perfect person,
As many things I wish I didn't do,
But I continue learning,
I never meant to do those things to You,
And so I have to say before I go,
That I just want you to know.
I've found a reason for me,
To change who I used to be,
A reason to start over new,
and the reason is You.
I'm sorry that I hurt You,
It's something I must live with everyday,
And all the pain I put you through,
I wish that I could take it all away,
And be the one who catches all your tears,
Thats why I need you to hear.
I've found a reason for me,
To change who I used to be,
A reason to start over new,
and the reason is You [x4].
I'm not a perfect person,
I never meant to do those things to you,
And so I have to say before I go,
That I just want you to know.
I've found a reason for me,
To change who I used to be,
A reason to start over new,
and the reason is You.
I've found a reason to show,
A side of me you didn't know,
A reason for all that I do,
And the reason is You.
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...the next generation
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