Quick post...

This is temporary (will likely add more NON-Biblical words to it soon)...

[Colossians 3:13-14]

13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of ONE BODY you were called to peace. And be thankful.

"arg"... who needs to apologize now?

Maybe me I guess.... Well regardless of whether a judge, society or the world in general may judge the other party to be "at fault"... I'm always big about it and feel that I ought to apologize also as I believe that no matter how small, all parties involved probably contributed to whatever conflict or problem in the first place. As the old saying goes, "If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem."

Tonight, I was just about to go to sleep, but then for no reason I decide to login to my mail. I guess I was thinking about mass e-mailing my group of friends again what's on my mind, especially since we had some discussion and prayer in dedication fellowship tonight...

But something got in the way... I remember my Pastor's wife, who's now in Germany with him once said "The life of Jesus is a life of interruptions..." I wish it wasn't! But what can I do? So get this... I get this e-mail in my inbox from a friend with "the end." as the subject... Err... I don't think I need my spiritual sense on this one to know that the contents probably aren't good :P

So what do I do? Being stupid as I am, I open it. OMG... why didn't I have the smarts to wait till I at least had some good sleep? But maybe I couldn't... afterall, it's not like the e-mail got to my inbox any earlier in the day and seeing the subject and knowing it's bad, maybe I wouldn't have been able to sleep without reading it first anyhow? I dunno... I just know it was bad news as expected...

But I guess the question I keep asking myself is why does it upset me so much? Even though I like to think God "selected" this group of people I e-mail, maybe I invoked too much of my own will. Perhaps a part of me intentionally selected these people whom I know are my friends, yet I also know they (at least most of them) are far away so I know I won't have to face them on a regular basis, if anything were to go wrong with our friendship as a result of anything I say.

So as you may have guessed, sometimes things do go wrong. I don't think what I said is always particular offensive. I just think some of my ideas are just perhaps too radical for some of them to accept. Which is ironically sad seeing how we should be able to have extraoridinary expectations because we have an extraoridinary God. But what has happened as a result instead? Some of them have decided it's better to ignore me than to accept the things I said.

Obviously, you gather that I'm going to say "I'm sorry" and I am. So, I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm not an easy person to be friends with, I'm sorry I upset you, I'm sorry it's come to this. And I'm sorry that my beliefs seemed what you might term as "lunatic" to you... But how do you define "lunatic" exactly? Afterall, people say that Jesus was either a "liar", "lunatic", or ... hmm... I forgot the last L... And what about myself... everyone who is still a current attendee at my Logos Baptist church isn't ignoring me... yet, perhaps that isn't enough for me, so I branch out and sometimes attend RHCBC... However, there's this sister I know, she was actually going to RHCBC more than me for a while with her mom cause they moved or whatever the reason was...but yet she now goes to Logos Milliken... hmmm...

"If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you." [2 Cor 5:13]

Perhaps... perhaps in our CCF retreat we missed a point God wanted to tell us. Yes, sometimes we can seem to be "crazy" in our faith in Christ and what we do as Christians when we don't act like the world does. Maybe we accept people and want to live in (or at least "want to") harmony with everyone around us, while the pagan world looks on and thinks to themselves "How could that person forgive and still be friends with that person after all that person put him/her through?!?!?"

The point I guess I was going to say is that maybe God is also telling us we need to be "in the right" mind in the "presence of men"? I dunno... maybe... But then Jesus did say he has chosen us "out of the world" and that the world will eventually hate us because of who we are and who we will become in Christ. Besides, I'm sure many times they must have thought Paul was crazy... Jesus would save the world? Jesus couldn't even save Paul from receiving the 40 lashes minus 1 multiple times, afterall, Paul's death or punishment wasn't going to save the world from it's sins (or would it?), he wasn't Jesus...But regardless, Paul continued to choose the less religiously popular and be on the receiving rather and giving end of persecution as well. Why? Because Paul had a vision from God and I believe Paul was a man lead by the spirit to do what God had in mind for him even if things seemed grim at the time, you might even say he had a "spiritual sense" *raises eyebrow*....

Speaking of my "spiritual sense", I never really had a chance to share this with the people I usually e-mail yet. Funny thing, the person who has decided to start an argument with me and now is ignoring me, she doesn't think my "spiritual sense" can exist. Well... first let's do some biblical examples. Even Joseph and Daniel had the God given ability to interpret dreams (and even dreams of others) to tell the future through them and all this without even a personal relationship with Jesus Christ???? Well I'm sure they probably did at the very least have "faith" in God, perhaps even a relationship. But the point is, like I read in the book we're doing for Sunday School, Experiencing God, God can speak to us directly now through the Holy Spirit and He doesn't even need "dreams" or other mediums, even if sometimes I and perhaps others also may ask for those... and just why can't He? I do however, have another more recent, more personal example of perhaps my "spiritual sense" working for me during the summer retreat. You see, during the dedication meeting we have every year, for some reason God placed in my heart to see the need for more of His workers and also more than just the addition of my own life. So what did He do? Well I knew in my heart that God wanted to call more workers this year. So who will go? Who will God send? Who is willing to give their life to the gospel? Well honestly, nobody can really know for sure I suppose, afterall, even if God calls them it's still up to their individual free will given by God whether they decide they want this commitment or not. But it seems that night when I was praying before the meeting officially began that God placed this thought in my heart when I was silently asking the question "Yes, God needs more workers, but who?", the answer God gave me was what I was suddenly thinking about when I was done praying "probably WW (not his full name, but God did tell me his full name:P)". Then later, during the actual dedication for "the third heart" (a.k.a. FT Ministry), I was in the middle of crying, but I had to open my eyes for a split sec, even though I didn't want to look at my congregation to keep my eyes from sticking. But it seems like I opened my eyes right on time! As we are supposed to stand at the front to be prayed for afterwards after signing our lives away to God. When I opened my eyes, who did I see happen to be at the table at that time, but none other than WW! I thought "wow"! God answers prayers, it might not be who I wanted to see up there, but it's who God wanted to be up there this year... But what am I talking about? Maybe she's right, maybe there's really no such thing as a "spiritual sense" eh? *rolls eyes*

Whoa, I relized, this is like the third night I've been working on this entry already. Usually I work on it sometime between 4 to 5AMish when I can't sleep because of what has happened and not just this but also because of what hasn't happened, but perhaps needs to...But now it's almost 7:30... it's partly due to the fact that when the clock hit 6ish, I decided to go for that idea we discussed when I drove my friends home to catch the sunrise so I walked down Hwy. 10 until I found a fairly decent spot too big intersections away. Good exerise too I suppose :P Because of my recent stresses I guess, I've been eating too much "comfort food" at night and getting a little chubby *embrassed*. Dunno if I'll necessary call it stress, but I was talking to the church physician last night and mentioned I've been sleeping more lately and he attributes it to stress. *shrugs*, guess maybe it shows? I never told him anything specific...

LOL hmmm, this might go down as my longest post so far, perhaps the only one I truly kinda complete. I want to also address the other beef she had about me thinking I'm "holier than thou" cause I throw bible verses around or as she kinda put it "at people". No, that's not my intention at all! Guess, at least she was accurate about how little she knows me, now the other way, as someone older and wiser with a much more wider pool of people to compare to, I dunno... But again, I don't quote bible verses cause I want to make myself look "spiritual" or whatever. I just do it cause it's become a part of my speech. Ok, I guess I'm doing it again...

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness," [2 Tim 3:16]

I guess the reason I give for using scripture would likely be in common with most people who quote the bible often, why use my own words when others already used God's? As the saying goes "God says it best..." All I'm saying is, as you grow in faith, God's word is not only in your mind or in your bible, but on your heart and and soul as well! Like the sensei says to his pupil in the classic movie Karate Kid, "Karate here (hand, I think he initially pointed to), Karate also here (head) and here (heart)..." Afterall, don't people tend to mimic and copy sayings of people they are in love with? Ooooo... burn! [Darm cha!]

Also, wow... this "holier than thou", what a line! Why didn't Satan think of it when Jesus was quoting the bible to him during the temptation of Jesus by Satan [Luke 4]?!? It's like "Man does not live by bread alone." and then Satan will be like "Stop thinking you're more holy than me Son of Man just because you quote the bible better than I can!" Wow!

Although the sunrise was a bit disappointing, the site of the beams through the clouds did remind me a bit of the Superman returns movie, especially the clouds looking like they are on fire. And I also did some kicks to warm up when I was walking to my viewing spot when it was initially too chilly, guess the sun wasn't up yet :P Not sure was it the kicks or just the sun going "up" above the clouds, but among some of the songs, one of the songs I thought of singing as part of my prayer walk I will put here as the "medium" to end my blog. It's from an Artist who hopefully wasn't afraid to die like I am as well, she did die...

TRY AGAIN
by Aaliyah

It's been a long time
We shouldn't have left you
Without a dope beat step to step to
Step to, step to, step to
Step to, step to
Freaky-freak

It's been a long time
We shouldn't have left you
Without a dope beat step to
Step to, step to, step to
Step to, step to
Freaky-freaky-freaky
Baby girl, uh

What would you do to get to me
What would you say to have your way
Would you give up or try again
If I hesitate to let you in

Now would you be yourself or play your role
Tell all the boys I'll keep you low
If I say, "No", would you turn away
Or play me off or would you stay, oh...oh...

And if at first you don't succeed
Then dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again, try again
'Cause if at first you don't succeed
You can dust it off and try again
Dust yourself off and try again, try again

I'm in to you, you into me
But I can't let it go so easily
Not till I see where this could be
Could be eternity or just a week

And yo', our chemistry is off the chain
It's perfect now, but will it change
This ain't a yes, this ain't a no
Just do your thing, we'll see how it go,
oh...oh....

And if at first you don't succeed
Then dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again, try again
'Cause if at first you don't succeed
You can dust it off and try again
Dust yourself off and try again, try again

Said you don't wanna throw it all away
I might be shy on the first date
What about the next date
huh, huh, huh, huh

Said you don't wanna throw it all away
I might be buggin'on the first date
What about the next date
huh, huh, huh, huh

And if at first you don't succeed
Then dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again, try again
'Cause if at first you don't succeed
You can dust it off and try again
Dust yourself off and try again, try again

Chicka-ah
Chicka-ah
Chicka-ah
Chicka-ah

And if at first you don?t succeed
You can dust it off and try again
Dust yourself off and try again, try again
'Cause if at first you don't succeed
You can dust it off and try again
Dust yourself off and try again, try again

And if at first you don't succeed
Dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again, try again
'Cause if at first you don't succeed
You can dust it off and try again
Dust yourself off and try again, try again

It's been a long time
We shouldn't have left you
Without a dope beat to step to
Step to, step to, step to
Step to, step to
Freaky-freaky

It's been a long time
We shouldn't have left you
Without a dope beat to step to
Step to, step to, step to
Step to, step to
Freaky-freaky

If at first you don't succeed
Dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again, try again
'Cause if at first you don't succeed
You can dust it off and try again
Dust yourself off and try again, try again

It's been a long time
We shouldn't have left you
Without a dope beat to step to
Step to, step to, step to
Step to, step to
Freaky-freaky

It's been a long time
We shouldn't have left you
Without a dope beat to step to
Step to, step to, step to
Step to, step to
Freaky-freaky



Again I'm sorry, but like V tells me, if you want to ignore me, it's really not my fault and there's nothing I can do...

V for Vendetta!

Wow, I just realized it's been a whole month since I posted. Well I've been busy trying to enjoy my temporary PAID 3 weeks + 5 unused vacation days as well as trying to look for some work at the same time as well as busy with other things...

LOL.... we were watching V for Vendetta (as I was telling my fellow audience, Vendetta is an English adapted word from the Italian word for Revenge basically or maybe you can say "Vengence" which might be French...) today and also ironically at the end of the movie, one of the sisters was reading the credits and said V's name cause that was the first familiar name she saw on the screen....LOL I have never seen the letter V used so many times in one sequence of words as in that one seen... so symbolic! Going to try to keep it short as my mom has been complaining about my sleeping schedule (well what can I say, insomia...) and the fact that I need to wake up early on Sunday and take the car...

But the movie was pretty good! Not pretty... but good! :P I loved the story line... I guess a part of me always wanted to be the liberation hero... power to the people... fight the power! I remember I used to fantasize I can be the hero by killing Mike Harris (BTW, I didn't type that or any of these e-mails I send you guys for that matter ) and saving Ontario from peril... Boy do I have a long story about that one!!! But save that for another day...

Hopefully, not spoiling the movie too much if you haven't seen it, but the part that struck me the most was that part when V was talking to her (yes, V is a guy, LOL...) after he tortured her to see how far she was willing to go to protect him... And then I was almost in tears... it not only reminded me about Jesus, but also myself... "Imitate Christ...." I still remember some quotes, or maybe I can find some...

Only one I can find at the moment :(...

"That's it! See, at first, I thought it was hate too. Hate was all I knew, it imprisoned me, taught me how to eat, how to drink, how to breathe. I thought I would die with all the hate in my veins. But then, something happened. It happened to me, just as it happened to you."

But basically she finally gained the courage, the strength and most importantly the "liberation" of not being afraid of dying for what she believed in... I was touched! My eyes watered, but I knew then that my faith is not in Vain! And as I was telling my cell group earlier on in fellowship when we had our summer retreat sharing about how faith, hope and love are all the same thing... but without love, you can't have the other two either I guess! Booyeah! Praise be to God and... hehe...!

Here is a partial quote from another scene that is also good, I've found most of the quotes in this moVie to be quite profound!

"...But what of the man? I know his name was Guy Fawkes and I know, in his 1605, he attempted to blow up the Houses of Parliament. But who was he really? What was he like? We are told to remember the idea, not the man, because a man can fail. He can be caught, he can be killed and forgotten, but 400 years later, an idea can still change the world. I've witnessed first hand the power of ideas, I've seen people kill in the name of them, and die defending them... but you cannot kiss an idea, cannot touch it, or hold it... ideas do not bleed, they do not feel pain, they do not love... And it is not an idea that I miss, it is a man... A man that made me remember the Fifth of November. A man that I will never forget."

Awwww....

Evey Hammond: I don't want you to die.
V: That's the most beautiful thing you could have ever given me.

There's also a song that I guess was the theme song of the movie you could say... At first I googled it up and found "Justin Timberlake" which made me laugh, I thought maybe he re-sung the original version, but it's a completely new version and also I think I actually heard it before when initially I didn't think I've even heard about it let alone heard it...

The old has gone...

Cry Me A River by Ella Fitzgerald

Now you say you're lonely
You cried the long night through
Well, you can cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you
Now you say you're sorry
For being so untrue
Well, you can cry me a river
Cry me a river
Cause I cried, I cried
I cried a river over you
You drove me,
Nearly drove me out of my head
While you never shed a tear
Remember?
I remember all that you said
Told me love was too plebeian
Told me you were through with me and
Now you say you say love me
Well, just to prove you do
Come on and cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you
You drove me
Nearly drove me out of my head
While you never shed a tear
Remember?
I remember all that you said
Told me love was to plebeian
Told me you were through with me...
And now, now you say you love me
Well, just to prove you do...
Come on! and cry, cry, cry me a river
Cry me a river...
Cause I cried a river over you
If my pillow could talk
Imagine what it would've said
T'would be a river of tears
I cried in bed
So you can cry me a river
Daddy, go ahead now and cry that river
Cause I cried how I cried
A river over you

The new has come? Nah... :P

Justin Timberlake
Cry Me A River

You were my sun
You were my earth
But you didn't know all the ways I loved you, no
So you took a chance
And made other plans
But I bet you didn't think your thing would come crashing down, no

You don't have to say, what you did,
I already know, I found out from him
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
And don't it make you sad about it

You told me you loved me
Why did you leave me, all alone
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone
Girl I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other guy
Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn
To cry, cry me a river
Cry me a river-er
Cry me a river
Cry me a river-er, yea yea

I know that they say
That somethings are better left unsaid
It wasn't like you only talked to him and you know it
(Don't act like you don't know it)
All of these things people told me
Keep messing with my head
(Messing with my head)
You should've picked honesty
Then you may not have blown it
(Yea..)

You don't have to say, what you did,
(Don't have to say, what you did)
I already know, I found out from him
(I already know, uh)
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
(No chance, you and me)
And don't it make you sad about it

You told me you loved me
Why did you leave me, all alone
(All alone)
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone
(When you call me on the phone)
Girl I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other guy
(I'm not like them baby)
Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn
(It's your turn)
To cry, cry me a river
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river-er
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river
(Baby go on and just)
Cry me a river-er, yea yea

Oh
(Oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh
(Oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh
(Oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh
(Oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be... leaving

You don't have to say, what you did,
(Don't have to say, what you did)
I already know, I found out from him
(I already know, uh)
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
(No chance, you and me)
And don't it make you sad about it

Cry me a river
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river-er
(Baby go on and just)
Cry me a river
(You can go on and just)
Cry me a river-er, yea yea

Cry me a river
(Baby go on and just)
Cry me a river-er
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river
(Cause I've already cried)
Cry me a river-er, yea yea
(Ain't gonna cry no more, yea-yea)

Cry me a river
Cry me a river, oh
Cry me a river, oh
Cry me a river, oh

Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)

Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river
(Cry me, cry me)