V about V

heya kev, thanks for the e-card the other day. i know i dont reply to
your
e-mails enough or talk too much on msn, but i do recieve them and read
all
your e-mails, and msn msgs.

well, i'll keep this short and hopefully to the point hehe.

I'm glad that you've entered into a relationship with vanessa(thats
what you
said in your email right?), and I'm not one to really judge, but i'll
just
leave some passages to remind you, and also to encourage you at the
same
time.

i guess the first one is, Proverbs 19:21 - Many are the plans in a
man's
heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. - so yea, dont
forget
this, it is very important! because in the end whether we like it or
not, it
will be the LORD's purpose that prevails, so keep seeking out His will
kev,
and keep asking Him what His will is, and make sure it's not just
making
plans in vain in your heart without first consulting God about and and
really pray over these big decisions. I know he will guide you, and
just
trust that he will give you one step at a time to take, and dont think
5
steps ahead, just walk beside God one step at a time as he gives you
those
steps.

2nd point, whenever you wondering if this is the right thing to do,
turn to
1 cor 13:4-7. i can go on about this particular passage for a long
time, but
i think it is beautifully written, and really encapsulates all that is
good,
and what love should be. so ask yourself from time to time, am I
patient? am
I kind? am I envying others and their relationships? do i boast about
my own
relationship? am i rude to others with regards to my relationship and
their
circumstances in life? ah this is a big one lol, am I self-seeking? do
i put
the other person's needs before my own? do i get easily angered by
certain
things? do i still hold on to past hurts and remember how people have
wronged us? and you must make sure that you still love others
unconditionally even if they have hurt you, becuase verse 7 doesnt say
that
love will do these things only when we love someone else, but it will
always
do these things, protect, trust, hope for, and presevere; even when
people
have hurt us, or really did something bad. but love exists at all
times, and
it will presevere even during tough times, so make sure that you always
love
others, and love will continue to protect, trust and hope for, and
presevere
:)

continue to build and encourage one another. kev keep preaching even if
both
of you are mature, because it is not you who speaks, but God and His
living
word. even if both of you are mature, you can still grow, you guys are
not
perfect yet, none of us are, so keep encouraging one another to seek
after
Jesus, and allow God's word to work through you kev to nourish both
yours
and vanessa's soul.

seek out advice from someone wise, maybe your pastor, someone you look
up to
in your life, a strong leader? seek out advice in all aspects of your
life,
money, relationship, your walk with God, your family, your future. have
you
thought of finding someone to mentor you? I think that would be
beneficial,
because we all need guidance, and we don't have everything togeather
hehe so
it would be good if people could lead us along the correct path. but
yea,
this is important, to ask for help when you need it, there is nothing
wrong
with being humble and saying i need help in these areas, and to listen
to
the advice. although times it may not be the best feedback, but they
have
what is best for us in mind as well.


okay, i'm done for now lol, i hope these stay close to your heart. and
make
sure he is your firm foundation in life, because things will shake and
change, but Christ will be solid, and be something firm we can stand
on.

and yea, you can get the talk on tape at the afc office. they recorded
the
thing, i'm not sure if it's gonna be available online. but it was
pretty
good.

-VT... former boyfriend of CT... (not the only CT ;)

20 minutes... 20 hours... 20 hours...

I have been awake for 20 hours straight... and previously slept less than 6... Why do I do this to myself? IF I am doing it to myself that is... Where do I even get the energy... Perhaps I should consider seeing the doctor and possible sleeping pills, however unrecommended something like that can be...

The title reminds me of this joke on this video my brother downloaded off the net. It was a commercial for Verizon I think maybe... Actually I just double checked with my brother he told me Pacific Bell. I forget if they have that ISP in the states. I think so. Anyhow it was for a DSL commercial trying to sell itself based on the fact that high-speed cable connections have to share bandwidth in the neighbour causing it to be slow. And it was about the neighbours going crazy try to get each other off so they could get a better connection. One scene even showed a person in a shower cap cutting off some electrical wires on an electric box on the outside. I think that's for electricity, not cable, but it gets the job done I guess :P They told them to log off... And it was like "Got to get them to log off, that's the bottom line..." Then a news reporter comes and interviews someone, "How long would you say you've been online tonight sir?" and a rioting neighbour nearby was like "20 minutes?!?!? More like 20 hours...... 20 hours...." LOL... Well I wouldn't be in front of a screen for that many hours straight personally, I take breaks and often I don't use the computer or internet at home anymore...

Update from Justin Ho (sorry JH, I stole your blog entry :P)

greetings ... !

i know i haven't written in a while ... so let me begin by dispelling some rumours because well, rumours suck and could get out of hand.

not sure how much you heard but i heard i was dying, literally.

somewhere around june 1st i was admitted into the hospital for a pretty severe case of asthmatic-pneumonia-double-whamy combo ... at one point during the night i was coughing so much i literally couldn't breathe, thus i decided i needed to be treated immediately. what i thought would be just a late night (3am) visit to the hospital turned into a 11 day quarantine stay in not only one but two hong kong hospitals. the priminary reason why i was contained for so long was because they were scared that my pneumonia would turn into tuberculosis (TB) which would ultimately .... suck since its highly contagious and well, with the avian flu warnings and severe TB cases in hk right now, another TB kid to add to the already thousands of people with TB health problems would just not be needed. you know?

my asthmatic-pneumonia was supressed within a night in the hospital after being administered many antibiotic needles through an IV along with many pills which i'm slowly getting off as i type. the rest of my stay in the hospital consisted of the monitoring of my lungs to make sure i didn't have TB. it was my first time spending 11 straight days seeing no one i knew except the doctors and nurses (who came in every 2-3 hours consistently) since i was quarantined after all. the worst 4 minutes of my 11 day stay in the hospital had to be having a fiber optic camera as thick as a chopstick (called the bronchoscope) inserted through my nose, down my throat into my upper right lung cavity while extracting flem in the process (since x rays can only see so much) - as i was fully awake and seriously, not the most ... comfortable experience ever.

i've been out of the hospital now for 4-5 days now - still recooperating since my immune system is still pretty weak. plus as i'm slowly getting off my meds during the day i'm still drowsy and s p a c e d o u t . but i'm definitely getting less and less so as the day progresses. believe it or not, it was difficult for me to come back out after quarantine. the people out in the streets amused me as well i was seriously isolated. the food tasted better coming out. i was thankful for all the nurses that kept me talking or else, boy, i can't imagine not joking around with the nurses. serious social damage .... yeah.

i just want to THANK YOU all for your love + prayers throughout the last few weeks (and still continual encouragement) and i seriously just ... didn't realised how loved i am. whatever prayers and love you sent my way i definitely felt and somehow knew about it. thank you for all your unexpected gestures of love at just the perfect time which i can't even re-express i'm thankful i was receiving. i guess this time allowed me to reflect on ALOT of things. i mean i seriously had people thought i was dying ... and well, when you're in a hospital halfway around the world its hard not to let rumours get to you first. though this email came later than i wanted it to, i just want to let you know that i'm alright now and i hope things will get back to the way they were before i got sick.

i made a remark to my mom that i think in terms of memoriability, i will NEVER forget turning 24. i went into the hospital 23 and came out, yea, another year older. how special is THAT? (btw, chinese people don't use sarcasim much ... nor do i much anymore ...) i spent the last few hours of my birthday convincing the nurses who toke care of me to have a slice of my birthday cake (since i couldn't finish an entire cake myself). in the end i don't know if they actually had a slice but i can only imagine. my mom didn't find my outlook amusing. haha.

of course i never planned to get sick like this and honestly, i'm still taking in this entire situation, everyday. i'm still trying to back track everything to figure out what actually happened because i just didn't get sick due to a heavy rain storm. everything happened at such an unexpected time and blew into something of such .... vast proportions. of course no one expected any of this. i've been learning so much through this experience about diseases, health, people, emotions, hospitals, what it means to really grow up (of which i'm reminded that i'm so behind) .... i know that there's still so much more i'm supposed to learn and realise through my ... "break" right now but i'm not even there yet. i'm just taking it one day at a time, literally.

i seriously don't know how many people knew about what happened but if you know someone who heard rumours of rumours or rumours, would you mind forwarding this email to them for me? thank you so much ....

that's it from me for now but i'll try to write more as i find out more about whats happening in my life from today till ... tomorrow ....

j.

Jesus weeps... Jesus weeps with me...

John 11:35 ->Jesus wept. The famous "shortest" verse of the bible. I don't believe there are any with 1 word, or others with only 2, but please correct me if I'm wrong. Perhaps I should dig deeper into the meaning or history of this verse someday/sometime. But it definetly is interest, perhaps significant that this verse is only "Jesus wept". As if the author thought "Jesus wept" is sufficient to cover it for this verse, it is afterall a "complete thought". If I recall there are few, perhaps only one mention of Jesus weeping in gospel, of course others wept, but not necessarily Jesus. If you read the passage in context, you will find that Jesus is in this passage weeping for his friend Lazarus he raised from the dead. LOL that so reminds me of that Blockage joke I was making with my friend EW today. Anyhow my point is this verse really reminds us of the human side of Jesus and like the bible puts it: "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses," [Hebrews 4:15a] And like it says in the famous footprints story: During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then I carried you." (http://freespace.virgin.net/derek.berger/footprints.html) So I was thinking today... when I weep, or when we weep, I would assume God is also there weeping with us! It may sound like a surpise and I know like me, you might think God is so high and mighty and sometimes we forget God is also humble and made his dwelling among us and yes, God can cry... And I believe when I cry, I don't cry alone, I at least have Jesus there with me, possibly crying himself by my side... afterall didn't God say "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." [Matthew 25:40] Something to think about perhaps the next time we are given the opportunity to do or not do something that can lead to someone else crying or helping to ease their pain... Perhaps there really are "Tears from heaven" as that famous songs go. Come to think of it, despite the fact that many people, especially guitarist think that song is good and a classic, I never really looked into the lyrics or ever listened to the song before. Anyhow, here are the lyrics...

Tears In Heaven
by Eric Clapton and Will Jennings
------------------------------------

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?


I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.


Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?


I'll find my way
Through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven.


Time can bring you down,
Time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart,
Have you begging please, begging please.


Beyond the door,
There's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven.


Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?


I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.

OOOo... I am itching now to hear some guitar vocalist play and sing that song now... JM perhaps... that would be something... or perhaps ET... Hehe... LOL I never noticed those were his initials, kinda funny... no offense bro...

Finally an update eh? Perhaps not the title you were expecting, but my blog is always an honest one. Even if sometimes I write the wrong thing, Sorry... The song we use as part of my CCSA team dance, I always thought it was cool, cause it's secular, yet Christian. But I never really took the time to look at the lyrics...

So if you're like me, here they are...

Jesus Walks Lyrics
Kanye West
--------------------

We at war
We at war with terrorism, racism, and most of all we at war with ourselves
(Jesus Walks)
God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks with me) with me with me with me [fades]

You know what the Midwest is?
Young & Restless
Where restless Niggaz might snatch your necklace
And next these Niggaz might jack your Lexus
Somebody tell these Niggaz who Kanye West is
I walk through the valley where the shadow of death is
Top floor the view alone will leave you breathless Uhhhh!
Try to catch it Uhhhh! It's kinda hard hard
Getting choked by the detectives yeah yeah now check the method
They be asking us questions, harass and arrest us
Saying "we eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast"
Huh? Yall eat pieces of shit? What's the basis?
We ain't going nowhere but got suits and cases
A trunk full of coke rental car from Avis
My momma used to say only Jesus can save us
Well momma I know I act a fool
But I'll be gone til November I got packs to move I Hope

(Jesus Walks)
God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks with me)
The only thing that I pray is that me feet don't fail me now
(Jesus Walks)
And I don't think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs
(Jesus Walks with me)
I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long

(Jesus Walks)
God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks with me)
The only thing that I pray is that me feet don't fail me now
(Jesus Walks)
And I don't think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs
(Jesus Walks with me)
I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long

To the hustlas, killers, murderers, drug dealers even the strippers
To the victims of Welfare for we living in hell here hell yeah
Now hear ye hear ye want to see Thee more clearly
I know he hear me when my feet get weary
Cuz we're the almost nearly extinct
We rappers are role models we rap we don't think
I ain't here to argue about his facial features
Or here to convert atheists into believers
I'm just trying to say the way school need teachers
The way Kathie Lee needed Regis that's the way yall need Jesus
So here go my single dog radio needs this
They say you can rap about anything except for Jesus
That means guns, sex, lies, video tapes
But if I talk about God my record won't get played Huh?
Well let this take away from my spins
Which will probably take away from my ends
Then I hope this take away from my sins
And bring the day that I'm dreaming about
Next time I'm in the club everybody screaming out

(Jesus Walks)
God show me the way because the devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks with me)
The only thing that I pray is that me feet don't fail me now

There are some nice Christian components to it, but as for some of the other parts... well....

Anyhow, this week my very good friend and bro in Christ EW finally got back from HK! :) Tonight I went out with him and had a great time, hopefully good enough to keep my mind off what can get me to tears and lead me to a peaceful, unsinful sleep away from the insomia I get sometimes... BTW, it's almost 6AM right now...So I think I will try to sleep now and probably expand on this entry more late on today or tommorow...

I find myself debating whether I need to mention what brings me to tears, if you've been reading my blog regularly, you could possibly already know seeing other couples always gets me in a down mood and I've been on a "couples-boycott" so to call it.

It's actually two days since I wrote this entry (started it on Sunday, now it's Tuesday). Can't really remember what I wanted to add. But I was reading 2 Cor 7 for devotion last night, late at night and verse 10 "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." really stuck out at me. I've been thinking, this new type of pain I've been feeling sometimes over somebody else, pain that can't be solved by sinning... Perhaps it's all part of God's plan.

95 Accord drivers unite...

As I was trying to fix the locking system on my mom's car last night because I couldn't make it to my softball game, it dawned on me, my friend Justin Ho also drives "a 95"...I am reminded of the time he drove me, I believe it was to the very first CCF retreat we had in his 95...Hehe, I remember that agressive left turn he made at that street in downtown too, guess those extra 2 cylinders do make a difference.

As some of you might know, I have had the locking system in my car malfunction on me for a while and was unable to use the power lock switch to unlock the doors, only lock them for the longest time.

I brought it to an ex-coworker who's a mechanic and even he wasn't sure what's wrong. I also already checked out the door-lock control unit using my Electrical Engineering skills which he thought it might be, but it seemed to check out completely fine so I didn't think it was that unit. Yesturday I disconnected the power lock control unit on the passenger side to test the circuit for continuity (or in other words a connection) and all of a sudden I noticed the door power locked by itself! :O Then I hooked the switch back up and tried it. Both the lock and unlock worked this time :) It also worked on the drivers side which was a pleasant surprise. But I discovered it won't work again when I plug that connector back in on the passenger side. So hence I had to leave it unplugged. It was probably that unit that crashed causing the whole system to lock me out last time.

So I thought to myself, if only fixing my friend's health issue could be so easy also. Why can't I fix my fellow 95 Accord driver the same way I can fix my mom's Accord? :P I was thinking, I really ought to purchase that black V6 95 Accord someone else is selling if God takes JH away to carry on his legacy. It's like that Simpsons episode when Homer has to eat his pet crab (well shorta...) "God would have wanted it that way... *sniff sniff*"

Actually I finished this entry late, I actually got another e-mail from someone else I don't even know, but it was forwarded to me from another CCF friend that Justin is feeling better. Thank God. He can do what I can't ;)

[Ai....deem fun ar....?] Pray for Justin Ho...

Ironically, here I am, concerned about my petty problems, when a brother very dear to me I discover is possibly dying... oh the shame... the shame... Please pray for him! I know if God wants to take him home now, he will go, but I wish God would let him stay a little longer... I miss him...

I'll be quoting an e-mail as the majority part of this blog entry...:

"LL..... you should know much better than to trying to e-mail my MSN/hotmail account which I never check and use my ____ one instead... but as fate, or rather GOD! would have it, I happen to be able to start my devotion when the pop-up alert showed up on my MSN..."

How can I sleep? The bro who first made me realize I'm not alone in that sin, the one who encourage me to hang in there... possibly one day he'll be smiling down on me from heaven when God grants me a wife (IF He grants me a wife) in part due to my repentance, in part due to his willingingness and humbleness to be the one to share about that... I can never forget you Justin Ho... I love you bro... I know I ought to be sleeping, since I have to work early tommorow, but it's just so hot without AC... Just hang in there bro, I'll be mass e-mailing this prayer request out soon... soon... I trust in him you'll last till at least tommorow evening when I get home from work, I hope... Don't die on me now, I'm even considering to skip lunch at work tommorow to fast and pray for you...

Ironically you were the one to share about how we should not be pestimistic that we thought WN wasn't going to make it that one eventful day in CCF years ago... Now it's your turn... hang in there... we're praying for you...



"Forwarded message:



Date: Fri, 02 Jun 2006 09:36:56 -0400

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ.

For all those who were here last year you would know Justin Ho a dear brother in Christ. I am sad to announce that Justin has TB and is now in critical condition - in isolation in the hospital in hong kong. Our sister in Christ, Candy Wong has been on a missions trip in china/hk and has asked to call for an urgent prayer meeting as she is with him now.

If you could please pass the word around to other brothers and sisters to gather in groups of two or three and pray wherever you are for Justin and his family that would be greatly appreciated.


God bless,
Wynne


Dear brothers and sisters.

In addition to our prayers. I think it would be nice to know that Justin has a lot of friends and family rooting for him back home. So I am putting together a book for our friend. If you have message of encouragment and message that will put a smile on his face please send an email to me with the subject "For Justin". I also need pictures and anything else you would like to send to Justin or quotes or funny moments. ANYTHING.

Please pass this email to any of his friends or anyone you might think will have something to say to him.

The cut off date for this is MONDAY June 5th 11:59am! I need time to put together the book and courier it to him so please pass this and do this urgently.

My email is wynne.ng@gmail.com or hopeis4ever@hotmail.com

Thank you for your help! God bless.
Luv: Princess~~"

Here's a song that represents how I feel right now...

It's a classic d@ng... why they stop me at Karoake that time? I feel ashamed I want to sing it when my friend EW comes back and yet haven't learned it all yet when I tried to sing it tonight....

Neil Diamond - He Ain't Heavy... He's My Brother Lyrics

The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows where

But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he, to bear
We'll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

If I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
That everyone's heart
Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another

It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on our way to there
Why not share

And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
He ain't heavy, he's my brother.

Hang in there JH... God beam my prayers up!