Psalm 6

If this isn't updating "for the sake of updating", then I dunno what is :P

For the director of music. With stringed instruments. According to sheminith.[a]
A psalm of David.


1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.
2 Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.

3 My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?

4 Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.

5 No one remembers you when he is dead.
Who praises you from the grave [b] ?

6 I am worn out from groaning;
all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.

7 My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
they fail because of all my foes.

8 Away from me, all you who do evil,
for the LORD has heard my weeping.

9 The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts my prayer.

10 All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed;
they will turn back in sudden disgrace.

[say-yun] relationships...?

Guess it's another Valentine's day alone. I hate this dreaded day. Especially the stupid ads that tell me what I can buy for my special someone which I currently don't have. I dun even remember or care about the history of this day, but it all just seems like another occasion for capitalists to try to make more $! Well I've decided to post an entry about my observations of relationships and try to tie in my explaination why seeing couples makes me sick, etc...

I'm now starting to think there is 4 types of relationships or should I say 4-[yun](Cantonese)/[yin](Mandarin) (as in "dead man/human") relationships LOL :P...

It kinda relates to the speaker's sermon during our LBCM volunteers retreat where the speaker talked about "idealistic" and "realistic". I propose a theory there are kinda like 4 types of relationships. Secular idealistic, or perhaps one would say "fantasy". Secular realistic, basically real secular relationships. Christian realistic and Christian idealistic.

LL (Princess), this might be the entry you are waiting for... I'm actually finishing this entry on February 23rd, 2006.

LOL, now it's February 27th... I've just been busy and I dun even know if I'll finish this today since I gotta do other stuff too.

(Yes, posting yet another unfinished entry, I'll try to finish it though...)

Ok, it's time to finish it off! So I guess I should first explain to LL and the others just why it iS that I can't stand seeing people in relationships express their happiness, especially in physical form. I kinda already touched on it in some of my other entrieS and I want to put it to rest once and for all and stop talking about it like I promiSed.

Well I would think the answer is pretty obvious. Oh maybe not! *raise eyebrow* To be honest I really don't know if the root cauSe of the problem I pin-pointed is in fact "the" cause.

I'm continuing this post today, even though it's way past the day I started it. I guess the reason why I'm going to continue it is because seeing couples made me cry again today. I really don't think blogging about it will take it off my mind, but it might force me to think about it more. Can't say if it's a good or bad thing, it might help me find the root cause of the problem. However, I guess the questions is will I ever find the root cause and even if I do? Would finding out even help or just make things worse?

Anyhow, I don't plan to spend too much time finishing this post. And there really isn't much I can blog or "say". Like for example, will mentioning which couples I saw in particular really do anything? Afterall, I don't only feel that way when I see those couples, I feel that way when I see couples period. Although perhaps there might be a subconcious psychological link when seeing "asian" couples though since She is aSian... I dunno...

Oh, ya, I forgot the primary purpose of this entry, that I'm going to write about my Christian viewpoint on relationships. Well I'll save that for another day, so perhaps I should change the name of this post. Or actually the name is quite appropriate, I'll just post another entry later that doesn't speak so negatively about relationships since that won't be my personal standpoint or opinion on relationships but rather a collective knowledge of my experience with seeing people in relationships whether real or fictional ones in the past, prior to my cold-turkeying of observing relationships or couples. And of course tie in the reading I've done and counselling I've received concerning relationships.

Ok, to end off, I'll state the two standing theories as to why I MIGHT feel the way I do whenever I see couples. Actually this post is long overdue when I planned to post it and the date is now March 28th. However, I still can't really pinpoint a distinct reason why I can't stand the sight of other people together. So why guess, I'm just going to post this entry and be done with it. Princess LL, just get over the fact that I can't stand seeing anyone together, it's no loss to you or anyone else who is dating/married...

Shortest post ever...

I'm still EXTREMELY busy so this is about the only update I can do right now. It's the Chorus of some song part of our singspiration before worship yesturday:

O yes, He cares.
I know, He cares,
His heart is touched my grief;
When the days are weary,
The long nights dreary,
I know my savior cares.

Please pray for K...

Happy B-day to me...

Hmmm actually good thing I checked my Friendster bulletins before I logged in to write this short post before I sleep. Apparetly people wrote me testimonials wishing me a happy B-day. Well before someone goes do the WRONG thing and buys me another "Dating for dumies", I know my good friends meant well, but let's just say the book kinda opened a "can of wormSSS" that shouldn't have been opened, perhaps not yet or not at all... Oh well... what's done is done...But if you do plan to book me up again this year, here are some suggestions:

->"Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul"
->"I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris (I have a copy, but there's a particular sisteR in my church that I feel really really really could use it LOL...and no, heR and I are NOT "dating")
->(Cash, so I can pay for my EE materials)

Anyhow God has given me so many wonderful gifts this week so even though my Birthday is my day, it's also His day! :)

Here's to you Jesus:
(this song is really good, I'm pretty sure the band is Christian, but they also write "worldview" songs which is a sure fact)

Written by Boyz II Men, Durrell Bottoms, Jamar Jones, Todd Huston, Vivian S. Green, and Richard Smallwood

Dear God,
It's me again...I am so far from where I could have been
Dear God, I would be incomplete
But you came and touched my life in time of need
So I'm thanking you for all you've done
And for sacrificing your only son


Chorus:
That's why I'm writing you this letter
To let you know that I love you
Thank you for all that I am and for being a friend
Lord, my love for you'll never end


Dear God,
It's Shawn this time...I'm so grateful for the way you've changed my life
I'd give all I have, I'd just throw it all away
For a chance to walk with you through heaven's gates
That's why I'm thanking you for your love and your grace
I don't deserve these blessings that you give to me


Chorus

Interlude:

Dear God,
As a humble man I come to you like a child
Needing your knowledge, your love, and your guidance Lord
Thank you for trusting me with my own life's decisions
But I'm just a man, and I don't deserve this incredible life that you've given me
I love you Lord, I love you


Dear God, it's me Wanya...I'm so sorry, so sorry for living for me
But I promise from this day on I'm livin' for you
'Cause without you my life means nothing


Chorus

Jeremiah 1:7 But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you.

Hasta La Vista...

If I remember correctly in Spanish, that actually means "until I see you again"... I've been kinda out of it all lately due to my new, yet another temporary non-engineering job...

Anyhow, I'll update you on that among with finishing the blog before this which I REALLY should finish! It is SO good and God made such an interesting impact on my life that weekend starting on that Saturday night.

Just wanted to let everyone know that in less than 19 hours it will soon be my B-day (February 10th), so those who know my cell #, remember you can call me absolutely toll free that day (that is free for me, cause it's a gift from Telus to me) even though I normally pay $.25/minute on prepaid cause I can't afford a plan. Dun have to buy me anything, all I want is your love...so feel free to call me anytime before 4:30PM that day, well actually I'll have to start driving to work before 4PM and can't take calls during work, but I'll leave it on silent until my breaks and promise to call back if I get around to it. Ironically, when I finally get a good cellphone with a new headset and battery I can't use it on the one day it's free all day from 12AM to 12AM. Actually since I work late, my open phone time is actually like 1AM-3AM and 10AM-4PM on the 10th, please dun call at like 5 or 8AM etc...

As for my age, LOL, I'm very very very sensitive about that, but it's not really my fault, just the way God unfolded his plan and it's not really my fault that the primary reason I hide it is because my ex-coworkers and sadly even a lot of people in my local church make fun of me and see me as the "___-year-old Dirgin" (a word I made up that is inclusive of relationships as well as sex, my sister in Christ friend JC thought it was funny, hehe). I'll write more on this issue on that entry I promise is comming about why I still can't sleep well or on time at night whenever I see people "make-out"...

<3K

"Be a Man... Do the Right Thing..."

(It's 1:45AM and for some reason I can't sleep, so I know venting in my blog won't help me sleep, but it'll give me something to do till I can tire myself out to the next morning, despite the fact I gotta miss fellowship for the next two weeks, I'm somewhat grateful I wasn't given the morning training shift at my new, yet another non-Engineering temporary job, but it's somewhat of a blessing despite the SO deprived pay for this type of position, still can pay off my OSAP in like 2 to 2.5 years if there wasn't any interest and I didn't have to pay for anything other than OSAP, but since that's not the case...my annuity period's probably still going to be like at least 7 to 8 years if not the full 9.5 stated by OSAP based on my current payments. Anyhow ya, this entry is just a summary, MAY expand on it later)

Let's do some background info first... some of you may remember that famous line from the "FOB" commedy episode of Russell Peters that was widely talked about long ago... I've also come out with a new re-write of his joke involving my beef with the new MUCH HIGHER 407 prices after the Harris Government sold the highway to a private company.

Actually the prices have from what I known gone up yet AGAIN maybe another 1 or 2 cents per km at least to pay for expansion, etc... and also to cover the actual savings you get with highway mileage vs stuck in traffic which is basically local milelage anyhow with todays higher gas prices. LOL it's best I go try out CCSA before gas gets to $2/Liter (will eventually, one day, maybe sooner than we think) *OY*!

Anyhow, so here's the joke. Before the government sold the highway 407, there was a significant price difference in the toll rates, I believe peak hours were like 8 cents and some non-peak times, if there were 3 categories, maybe 6 cents per km, down to 4 on the really peak hours which would probably include Sundays. But now it doesn't matter when you drive on it anymore unless you want to use it for REALLY REALLY long trips cause the price on peak hours the last time I checked it (2 years ago), it was like 13.6 cents/km for peak hours and 13.1 non-peak, LOL! Keep in mind all these quotes don't include the $2-$4 non-transponder use fee which I don't need to concern myself with since I have one. Personally I rather save the extra gas from not being in traffic since my mom's old car idles really badly anyhow, using an extra 3 to 6 liters per 100km, especially it's winter. Let's not forget the roughly $800 brake rotor job which I couldn't do myself since the rotors are tied down at the back and I don't have the equipment, not to mention if I screw it up and I'll be really in a hard place when our family doesn't have a car for me to run some extra parts that I might have broken by accident while working on it, happens occassionally even with professionals, but they always have some extra parts handy. Ok ok, enough car talk, I get the picture :P

So let's assume a 0.5 difference per km, since I don't drive that long-D on it anyhow, let's be nice to the new owners and round it up to the 15 (fifteen) cent difference so that it flows better with my parody of Russell Peter's joke...

I hear from my friend sometimes, I wanna complain about it myself, but hey, what can you do, just gotta live with the Progressive Conservatives and their past mistakes, including the elimination of interest-free student loans when they sold the Ontario Savings Bank also...doesn't stop me from doing a 22 Minute or Royal Canadian Air Farce style joke on them though :P excuse my bad grammar, trying to imitate the FOBness of the original joke ->

"13.6 cents/km to drive on the 407??! That's pretty expensive man! How about 11?"

"Nooooo.... I give you 11 cents you come back to tommorow, highway close down!"

"Forget it, I rather drive in traffic then...not much traffic in non-peak hours anyhow, just need to drive a bit the wrong way though..."

"Ok... you seem like nice, safe driver, I give you best price... 13.1 cents..."

"13.1? I drive maybe only 40km at most, that's like fifteen cents man (rounding up)..."

"Fifteen cents is a lot of money! You save 15 cents on the way there, you drive back on the 407 (even if there may be no traffic on the trip back :P) back and save another 15 cents...then you go to pay phone and make local call!"

"Forget it man, I don't wanna drive 407, it's not a deal, too expensive..."

"Hey... be a man! Do the right thing!"

"What are you talking about do the right thing?!?!?"

"Maybe you don't drive on 407 today, you go to other highway, there is big accident, maybe take you 40 hours!"

LOL See the original joke here: http://www.badmash.org/videos/videos.php?v=brown_guy.wmv&t=Russell%20Peters%20is%20Funny

You know up until last night, I thought I'm in WAY over my head! I can no longer fulfill all these spiritual obligations I have now that I found a new full-time job in addition to my working my part-time job at FFS cause I'm still lacking income due to certain financial struggles I have with the subsidized rent in this apartment and the OSAP blues.

Something I read relating to today's Sermon today really kinda helped, I think I can zzz in peace now, so until tommorow, or later on in the week when I can explain the rest ok? ;) RIP...

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Continuation, well maybe more like the "body" paragraph... that joke was only meant to be an "intro". I've finally found some peace to sleep, so I ought to be :) But instead I think I still need to at least START what I need to type, before I forget the sermon yesturday completely.

It's really cool, cause on the night before, with no EXTERNAL influence, I had began to ponder on the same subject the Senior Pastor preached on that morning. And strangely enough, well I supppose not TOO strangely, I was doing my Sunday School homework that night.

Ok, I'm going to finish this tommorow, should try adjusting my sleep schedule to normal, basically the topic of the sermon is about God giving us the right amount of yoke/struggles He knows we can handle. Yup... expand more on it tommorow. ;)

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(TO BE FINISHED SOON, JUST SO BUSY...)