Meaning of Christmas...

Going to make another short Joyce style entry/entries and update ASAP when I have some time:

Grown-up christmas list



Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee;
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies.



Well, I’m all grown-up now,
And still need help somehow.(can you still help somehow)
I’m not a child,
But my heart still can dream.



So here’s my lifelong wish,
My grown-up christmas list.
Not for myself,
But for a world in need.



No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,(and wars would never start)
And time would heal all hearts.
And everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end.
This is my grown-up christmas list.



As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree.(wrapped beneath the tree)



Well heaven surely knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul.


No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal all hearts.
And everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end.
This is my grown-up christmas list.

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth.

(there’d be)

No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,

And time would heal all hearts.
And everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end, oh.

This is my grown-up christmas list.
oh this is my only christmas wish .
This is my grown-up christmas list.

-Amy Grant

Wanna know more? Come to our RCCF Coffee House!

Details:
The event will be on Wednesday, November 30th,
2005, 6:00pm at Ryerson, room LIB 72

David Dwarka will be speaking and there will be
some refreshments afterward.

Hope to see you there!

I'll be there too but I might be late cause I'm working...

K

Last night was AMAZING....

LOL, this is just to go along with our Sunday School joke about a "one-night-stand" with Jesus. It's pretty jokes. Also yesturday was just plan amazing, totally God lead the whole day, I'll have a very interesting story to tell tommorow about my walk with God towards trying too see where He can best use me in full-time Ministry.

Ok right now I'm going to get really emotional.... It's funny, cause at our workshop yesturday the speaker was telling us how we're really excited to go to seminaries and serve God at first, but then later we kinda cool down and get more a more mature mindset about it. Actually I do have a "mature mindset" about it, I know I can't afford it right now, but maybe I really need to submit, I mean I could always go back to school for a few years even if I need to take out another loan. Besides, all these consequences I'm facing now are a result of my disobedience 7 years ago. For me it's kinda the opposite, my excitement to serve God was dampened by my fear at first, I wasn't even brave enough to step up and sign that thing we usually sign at church for dedicating ourselves to full-time ministry. And now it's like I'm afraid, oh ya... I'm VERY AFRAID... but at the same time, the "excitement" is so great that I can't take it anymore. I feel as though if I don't give my heart to Him to serve Him RIGHT NOW, I'm going to die! It's actually better to read some "unfinished entries" I have first to get the big picture, but I haven't finished typing those yet. I've been busy trying to sort things out in my mind.

K

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST...

I have been in tears all week long, repeating one short prayer after these 6 months it is finally clear where He wants to lead me -> "Oh Lord, I'm sorry...:'''''( Please use me..." all night long I go on absolute fasts at night, no sleep, no water, no food.... Cause I know I've delayed what I know I should be doing. Now IS the time. I've thought it through, I think it is finally time for me to start placing my heart to full-time ministry to God, these last 6 months have been nothing short of pure suffering, but it has allowed me to see God's heart...I'm going to tell my mom about this calling of mine today, please pray for me. I'll write a more detailed sharing later...

Love in Christ,
K

Where's the love?

(Just to clarify, I'm not refering to "our" love, agape not eros)

Recent activitieS have lead me to study 1 Cor 13 in more detail =) I have another more recent entry also related to that passage that I will post later, but I wanted to finish talking about this topic for a long time now. That is my "lessons learned" through the suffering of summer 2005, a.k.a. "my worst summer ever".

I'm reminded by this verse which someone dear to me holds on to...

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." -2Chron 7:14

It's true... I guess all of this started the same way it ends. God's love can't be given to the same perfection as by humans. God knows I'm not dumb, but sometimes I can be "thick skulled" and it takes time for things to finally "click", but I know myself, the longer I suffer (or take to learn), the better the lesson. I think this is the lesson God was trying to teach me over the summer! Sadly sometimes I know I hurt a lot of people around me in the process, whether those on my softball team, those in my church, those in my family, etc... etc... and maybe even the one girl (hopefully not) who's my "very heart <3". It's like that sermon at my church yesturday based on the book of James, God does TEST our faith!

Johnny Wong wrote:
p'sKid~ wherever You lead me.... says:
kevin.....Jesus is alive.....stop feeling sorry for yourself.....God is the source of true peace and joy.....why is your soul downcast?!?!? go read psalm 42

Ironically I already read it on the previous Wednesday at CCF. Well I'll take this "prescription" again later after this blog for sure though!

----------End of today-------:

That was a really great passage my favourite P'sK! Just what the Doctor Jesus ordered. "Bring on Jesus"... I found verse 3 particularly applicable to my situation with my mom (except she's a "woman"):

" 3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"

My stomach's still not 100% so I better take another day off work to see if it's illness or stress...

I've recently been picking up some bad habits, I wouldn't say blogging is evil, but not being able to sleep at night cause fear of my short-term memory and disorganizing and wanting to post this BLOG ASAP cause God has been so good to me today, is a bit extreme. And I'm sure it's time for me to "sabath". But I'm just going to put it in point form first and expand on it later:

1. MCBCSL made a very big mistake on rejecting me as softball captain... it turned me into the very monster they expected me to be. I know it sounds harse at this point, but again I'm using as little words as possible and I'm going to explain why it went bad. But anyone from my local church and even Christians from other churches that I know that I wasn't the same person after being turned down this opportunity to serve Him...

2. But nobody, other than Jesus is perfect. And even though they are a Christian organization, "lead by Christ", they aren't perfect and they don't know me as well as Jesus does. Even as a "Good Christian", I make mistakes. I made one by allowing this to get to me as much as it did and not turning away from my thinking but allowing myself to be transformed more and more by giving Satan that extra foothold one after another.

3. If I don't forgive MCBCSL for making that BIG MISTAKE. I'm no better than MCBCSL... It was a very bad mistake on their part... in fact, I actually probably scared more people away NOT being a captain than being one... and for that I'm sorry. It was wrong of them to be unchristlike and show favourtism to give a second chance to someone else but not to me. But likewise I will be no better if I don't give MCBCSL a second chance and boycott the entire committee for life like they did to me for the summer by holding the same very "grudge" they held against me against them.

1 Cor 13:5 ->"Love keeps no record of wrongs". I'm going to explain my interpretation/insight of the "easily angered" part tommorow. I was using a study bible and God lead me to some very deep insight on this whole "anger" issue.

-K

"Detailed" Theological Explaination:
-------------------------------------

I don't believe hiding what happened between MCBCSL and me is going to solve the problem. I think it's best to lay it out in the open, and I don't want people in the league to think I'm leaving because "I have problems with the league". In fact there are also other reasons why I want to join CCSA besides not being totally content with MCBCSL and if I leave next year for those God honouring reasons, I hope you all realize it's not cause I'm still holding something against the league.

I simply felt they were being unchristlike in a few areas when it came to them rejecting me. Favortism, Unforgiveness, going against God's calling....Now I don't have anything personal against my 2005 Captain Jonathan, yes, he tends to over react and get angry at things he shouldn't really react that fiery too, but he knows that and he's trying to change. He's in my prayers and so is the league. But as previously stated in one of my Friendster Bulletins, it's not him I despise, but the league's lack of faith and trust in God to allow me to captain.

But let's put God first! :) Seeing how God allowed me to be free all summer and how I had an earning to repay the league for the love I've had from my previous captains and teams and felt CALLED by God to Captain that summer as I'm also familiar with the time commitment involved, but God took care of that too. I honestly believe everything was ideal in God's eyes for me to take that position. I was ready, willing and prepared. Sufficient to say, Captaining rather than staying at home dwelling on the fact that I still don't have a job, etc... etc... "worse summer ever"... would have made things turn out more positively. Instead, I held this grudge against the league and I allowed it to manifest from a little evil to something that almost totally destroyed my life spiritually, mentally, and physically.

But at this point, you're probably asking WHY? Simple, when I'm sure of something and I know it's God's will, especially when it comes to serving Him, God has never let me down, He always provides me with what I need to serve Him if I'm willing, and I already had what I need, just not the opportunity. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." [2 Cor 12:19] This also makes me jump ahead to the previous entry about how in the sermon the speaker mentioned I believe it was the word "trial" or "testing" in chinese is the combination of "danger and opportunity". Ya, I heard this sermon like twice, once in RHCBC and then again in Logos, someone please correct me if I'm wrong. The outline theological content is the same, but the context and application really helped me get a lot out of the Message (see "Time foR putting the past bEhind" entry for further details).

Satan knew this, he knew allowing the league to reject me would destroy me. He wanted to crush my spirit and sadly I allowed Satan to succeed... I know now God wanted me to commit to full-time Ministry perhaps as early as September 2005, cause now I already know now where God wants to lead me and if I have had these 3 months with God during June to August instead of September to November, I would probably be studying my seminaries now instead of my current sufferings as a result of my own disobedience to God. I am in no way blaming the league for this, they couldn't have known, but I'm just stating what happened...But I think I'm ready now, here I am Lord, please send me... :') Why am I tripping so much over this $33,000 pebble when I know "God can move mountains"? (Thanks Joyce Ma for those lyrics) Our church expansion project costs 20x that, if it's God's timing and divine providence, I really have nothing to worry about...If God wants me to do something, I should have faith He will provide in one way or another, whether through a job or other sources.

In a similiar way I lacked faith in God, MCBCSL also lacked faith in me and God. That verse I quoted earlier, the full form as quoted by Paul...

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. [2 Cor 12:19]

It's like CCF's program this week and I quote "Worse yet, the world looks at us and has seen this UN-LIFE-CHANGING faith for a long time now." I don't feel surprised if the world looks at some Christians this way (hopefully not all Christians), but for a Christian softball league to look at me that way? Is this Christlike? My faith was fine before being rejected, but now that I have been, my faith has been broken, my relationship with God hindered, I have cried non-stop everynight of this week for to restore my relationship with Him to what it was before being rejected.

Now I'm not saying the league is wrong for accusing me of those PAST mistakes. I confess what I did wasn't right, but I think likewise the league has to live up to it's own responsibility that what they did wasn't completely right either. As the bible says "The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it." [John 1:5] I don't believe leaving everyone in the dark if I decide not to play in MCBCSL next year is the right solution at this point since I already told at least 5 people how I feel, I don't want any negative feelings I may have held before towards the league or the league has towards me to remain unresolved in the "darkness". The bible teaches us it's always better to resolve problems than to leave them hanging.

Ok, what the league did?; The "unchristlikeness" I perceived that made me feel so upset... I felt it was going against the love of Jesus by showing favourtism. I happened to know some people ACTUALLY stopped playing softball because of the actions of a captain last year in the league. Yet, the league refused to let me captain because of what MIGHT happen. This really upset me. BIG TIME! My view of the entire summer basically took a downhill spiral after that. Campus Challenge was great, it was my first experience being a cell group leader and I felt really content to be given that opportunity to meet new Christians from different campuses and serve. But then I get home right after CC and they call me and tell me this news... I have to admit, it hurt me more than heR or hEr rejecting me! I guess cause it felt to me like God was rejecting me and I love God much more than I love any sister in Christ, not that I don't love "you" very much, I hope you know I do. =) But my as my friend Jason said, my love for God must surpass my love for anyone else because at the end of the day, it's just me and the One Jesus Christ who holds my hand :) (see song at end of blog).

Ok, why I thought it was unchristlike. Let me throw out the verses first:

(UNFINISHED)

I Know Who Holds Tomorrow
-------------------------

I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
And I don't borrow from the sunshine

'Cause the skies might turn to grey.
And I don't worry about the future,

'Cause I know what Jesus said,
And today I'm gonna walk right beside him
'Cause he's the one who knows what is ahead.

There are things about tomorrow
That I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.

And each step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb.
And every burden is getting lighter
And all the clouds, they are silver lined.

And, over there the sun it's always shining *****Here is where the
There, no tears will ever dim the eye correction is.
And the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains, they touch the sky.
There are many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.
Yes I know who holds my hand.

Check it-> http://jlfoundation.net/tomorrow.html

Unhappy Valentine's Day...

[Here's another old entry I had sitting around in my archives that I thought I'll dig up because it's an interesting 'related reading' to the "Time foR putting the past bEhind" entry (follows after this entry if you scroll down). Originally dated February 14, 2005]

It's that time of the year again... Not Christmas though... now sadly there are people out there that celebrate today, but not Christmas, very sad. But today's definitely not a day for me to receive or give any gifts. I should concentrate on all these februariEE B-days, like my own! ;)

Also, I've been wondering, does anybody out there actually read my blog? :P Perhaps this is simply a fulfilment of what I've been thinking about for a long time now. I've been planning on keeping some sorta diary and since I type faster than I can handwrite, I was thinking of doing it in computer format too. Like perhaps in a text file sitting on my desktop or something. But I suppose this is actually it, but it's like sitting on the web where everyone can, yet perhaps nobody reads it. Oh well, the plus side is that if my computer crashes I can always access my Blog from any computer at any time.

Ya... Valentine's day really sucks! And apparently I'm not the only one to think or blog so... It's like so discrimatory... what should we call it? Datist (like Racist)? Statusism? But ya, why do they make such a day for only certain people? It's like having a holiday for only a certain racial group or something. Valentine's day is really not "single-friendly" or kind to the "romatically-challenged"! It really sucked hanging out at lunch at Atrium and stuff and watching these couples do their "thang" and being reminded of how single and how lonely I am. Interesting enough this week in Cantonese Small Group, O decided to stick to the topic we were trying to talk about the week before, "Love" (like "What is love?", "What is love....? Baby don't hurt me... don't hurt me no more..." :P) What was that word Vince used for love between couples again? I looked it up... "eros"... LOL... that's where "Erotic" comes from :P

Well, one thing I did do for Valentine's day... I sent e-cards to my friends (I don't have a girlfriend, just a lot of female friends, some closer than others, but one sister in particular I'm closer to. =) Interesting enough they have cards that are like "Anti-Valentine's Day" ones and some others that are non-romantic. So at least Yahoo! Greetings has cards that are considerate towards the single people :) I dunno how much longer I'll be single, but I feel it'll be for a while :( Afterall, I am under the Jeff Chan curse :P LOL... just kidding. But I highly doubt that the fact that over 90% of RCCF being single is due to Jeff Chan, it's our fault :P LOL, no... just kidding about that too. In fact I think it's cool that CCF is 90+% single and that we all "kiss dating goodbye" and focus on God and all. [NEW ADDITION: LOL, actually it's not a curse, it's him, he keeps hogging all the girls to himself :P Just kidding...But even though he's doing a good things giving sisters rides home for their safety, it does kinda eliminate chances for romance to start.]However, perhaps since we are like getting older, we should actually have a program about dating/relationships at CCF like the "Love, Sex and Relationship" ones I skip CCF to attend at Winners fellowship so that we can learn more about the "godly" way to indulge in these kinda things IF God wants us to.

Ok, I actually started this entry on Monday and am finishing it now (Thursday), but I have a Philosophy of Religion mid-term to go study for now, please pray for me. So until next time, have a unhappy Valentine's Day.

Time foR putting the past bEhind.

I think maybe I'll use two seperate blog entries to make things easier. This one is specifically directed to anyone in my church or part of MCBCSL who may still hold a negative view of me. It's a lesson about agape love. As always stated whenever 1 Cor 13 is used, the passage is not restricted to be applied to marriages, but also for Christian/God/Agape love in general. It's often used in marriages because it illustrates how love between couples reflects God's love for the church. I should prepare for my job interview which by faith I think I will have next week. But also by faith, I know God doesn't want me to only do my own thing and forget about Him! So I'm going to "by faith" put God first and do what I know is right. Which is to write an entry that gives glory back to God while I pratice my typing. It's so hard to accept how much slower my typing has gotten since leaving school for 6 months! I'm sure my future employer is going to look down on me if he's not getting that 50WPM I sometimes advertise on my resume.

There are many good things about the past worth remembering, but my "spiritual mother", Vanessa is right, I need to focus more on the positive and the negative. So since it's been keeping me up at night, I'm going to apply a "professional" :P approach to this, I'm going to "write it off" and ship it out and "get it over with".

This blog entry focuses specifically on certain verses/phrases of 1 Cor 13 that I feel aren't always addressed.

Something our guest speaker Rev. (Dr?, not sure, but I know he's a professor at the University side of *seminary* and he was Joyce Ma's prof) DW talked about today I was like "TRUE THAT"! Or as I like to use [Darm cha] (for emphasize provided it's not some Mandarin curse word, I'll keep using it) -> "Single people have a bad wrap in the church, people think there's something wrong with them..." It's like OH YA!! PREACH IT BROTHER! Haven't I being saying it???? Haven't I been saying it?!?! I've been saying it for at least 4 long years!!! I know to some people I may have come off "desperate" to find a mate, but the truth is, I'm past that now. I have already accepted the fact that there's nothing wrong with being single even if I have been for single for 6-7 years (as a Christian and 17-18 years as a non-christian) already. But also there's nothing wrong with NOT being single either =) I've known that for a long time now, but it's true, some fellow Christians in my church think it's "not good for man to be alone" and tend to put too much pressure/teasing on others for being single AND Yes, sometimes people do look at me the wrong way or are overly suspicious of my intentions when I might just be trying to be "brotherly" to the opposite sex. Come on, let's put things into perspective here, even though every single Christian girl out there is eligible to be my wife some day, I'm not going to like pursue the possibility with more than one girl at a time, I'm just going to be Christian about it and follow God's leading. :) Not that I expect a wife to fall from the sky like manna, but my point is for the past 3 years I'm no longer "girl crazy". I'm not that person anymore, I'm a transformed individual in Christ. That's what I need people to understand, it's better to give me positive critisism than ignore me completely or deny me (see "Where's the love entry?") However, I just ignore them and leave things to God's plan and timing. :) But even though I'm glad heR and I have put it behind us, I'm sadden by the fact I don't think my church has completely put it behind. What makes it even interesting was earlier in the sermon he also talked about there are times when a brother might approach you and say that it is God's will for you to marry me.... It was like yo... I was just thinking last night I gotta find finish this blog entry to get people to stop thinking about that issue with me and heR that happened 7 years ago, but now you have to go and keep bRinging it up! Actually, even the speaker was saying that YES, there is God's will in marriage, but you gotta go investigate what is God's will. I was having an interesting conversation with Rebecca Chan from RHCBC about that earlier last night, I'm going to edit it later to made it more readable, but she told me she doesn't mind if I copy and paste it here so I'm going to past it unedited for you more savy and "want it instantly" readers. It's absolutely true, the sermon I heard in CCF on Wednesday, here in North America people always want to have things fast and on the fly. I like his example "He didn't want FAST food, he wanted INSTANT food."

Testing (do not click)

Hmm... I was going to make a link of that conversation, but it's not really working. Maybe I'll just summarize it into my own words.

Ok, setting up that link to our conversation isn't really working... But I got one more bone to pick... It seems also that my church might hold a negative view of dating/courting (unmarried) couples breaking up. Well maybe it's all because people in my church also pressure people who are in relationships too much to do certain things... Right J? (codename, that's not anyone who's name starts with a J). I think people in my church put "relationships" on the petalstool of "marriage" where it doesn't belong. But then when you go to "marriage counselling", it's basically from what I heard, the Pastor taking it OFF the petalstool and you decide if "marriage" is the right thing for you. I.e. "Are you two sure you really wanna go through with this?" I've know of courting unmarried couples who are literally AFRAID of breaking up. AND I think I know why. It's because if they do, these brothers and sisters would come ask about it I.e. "Oh, why did you two break up? I thought you were happy together, etc..." It's really not up to them to decide, it's the couple's decision between themselves and God, the same with marriage. Likewise, a lot of people who want to start considering a "relationship/courtship" in my church are also afraid of other people knowing about it because rumors, etc... will start. This actually links to the conversation I had with Becca actually. Honestly, I think exploring God's will in relationships/marriage takes time and maturity and if people decide to "break up", it's really not the end of the world. And people ought to just accept it and not critize, it's none of their business anyway, they shouldn't ask why or assume something is wrong, only comfort the people involved if those people come to them first. Honestly, I think if after a while they don't see the relationship bringing themselves closer to God while they become closer to each other, they should just break it off, it's better for all three parties (God, male, female).

BTW, none of this above necessarily relates to me personally persay. I'm not sure where God wants to take me yet, I'm waiting for Him to give me further guidance. I'm just saying I agree with the viewpoint I heard being shared at a Christians Single conference that if after a "trial period" of being in a "relationship", they really decide it's not for glory of God or beneficial to themselves spiritually and each other, they should just break it off. It's going to hurt a lot more in the long-run to drag on a relationship that shouldn't be... Hee... I'm not refering to any "relationship" I'm in. My point is, "if the shoe doesn't fit, lose it" LOL :P But what I see happening in my church sometimes is some stubborness of people being in relationships for as long as 6 years or more and then breaking it off... OUCH... that hurts. By that time, your feet are killing you :P, you heart aches and it's going to take a long time to love in that way again. OR in some cases, you try to fill the hole with someone else that you might not be meant to be with. I'm not saying that if you break up and see someone else, that person isn't God's will, but I believe you need a certain period of being "comfortable with singleness" before seeing God's will more clearly. LOL, I call it the "unlovable" period! Then after this humbleness that "macking is evil" and "flirting is wrong", you then see what God has in store for you and it can be quite amazing. =) I think after a certain amount of ADEQUATE time of getting to know each other and God's plan while being spiritually healthy and not disobeying God's "rules and guidelines" i.e. no impurity...for dating, you should have some idea whether it's God's plan or not so don't drag on things if you know it's not, break it off, ON THE FLIP SIDE... If it looks like it MIGHT be God's will... explore more! ;) But again these things take time, a lot of time.

I guess the long and short of it is, "dating/relationships" are NOT marriage and if you keep that mindset in mind... marriage isn't going to feel like a "bad/blind date" when it finally happens! :)

Change of perspective...

On Halloween night I had a chance to do something different for a change. Well, not different to me, but new. I helped out with my church's childern's program on Halloween night. It's was fun, but when our leader said he never done it before, he clearly hasn't! No offense JM, but you have a lot to learn about kids! Maybe you should think about having some of your own :P or on the other hand, if you don't know how to handle them, maybe you shouldn't have any! :P

The one thing that bugged me was one of the kids said I was "depressed" and hmm... I forgot the second word he said... "broken hearted"? "Broken spirited?" But regardless, the fact that someone thought I was depressed was already pretty bad...And then the son of one of my closer uncle friends said to me "That's because he is depressed and ____" Ouch! Ya, maybe I have been depressed and grouchy (was that the word, I can't remember) lately due to the pain in my foot and work and all. But it was wrong of me to let that affect the love I showed to the kids in my church. Well I wouldn't necessarily say I was taking out my frustration on them persay. However, it would make it seem like I'm not happy to see or be there for them I guess.

I talked to my boss on Wednesday and he confirmed what I "believed" to be true. That he feels I'm too slow when it comes to repairing cameras. It's not like I can't do it, but I know I'll probably never be as fast as those what I've come to call "made in China" people. :P Hehe, nothing personal, but the rate they put them back together I always joked that "Now I know why everything is made in China!" :P Yes, he knows my "talent" isn't in that area, so I was correct in assuming that when he makes me fetch cameras from the shelves for repair or do optical adjustments all day it's because he just wants give me something to do that I'm more efficient at so he can keep me employed as a favor. Aww... My cousin's right, I should be thankful for all this help the Christians in my church are giving me, and I am! I just haven't had time to type up that entry yet.

Reason why I titled this entry "Change of perspective..." is because at first felt kinda blessed with what I've been given, then I began to see the downside of things, especially when my foot started hurting from standing too much at my new job. And now I've changed my perspective again to being more neutral about everything. I guess life here on earth is always going to be full of good and bad, but nonetheless, we gotta make the most of it for Him while we're still around. ;)

[The above paragraph may sound confusing now, but I promise it'll be more clear when I post some of the older unfinished entries...]

Nicole Nordeman songs seem to be a big theme this month with some of my blogging friends. So I've decided I'm going to post a NN song of my own that really reflects how I ought to feel. I've been so blessed recently that I'm beginning to feel that maybe the pain in my feet is God's way of reminding me to not forgot about Him during my time of blessings. This song is kinda OLD, so you might not know this one Joyce. Hehe, Joyce, I'll let you know when's the next time I come visit so you can sing it for me :P I heard it on the sample CD being handed out by RCCC (Ryerson Campus Crusade for Christ) as part of the orientation packages during the first week I was at Ryerson. I wasn't sure what it was before I took it, cause I might not have took it since I'm already a Christian. But actually I've made use of these packs over the years and often share the contents with other Christian and non-Christian friends ;)

Tremble
--------

Have I come too casually?
Because it seems to me
There's something I've neglected
How does one approach a Deity
with imformality
And still protect the Sacred?

'Cause you came and chose to wear the skin of all of us
And it's easy to forget You left a throne

And the line gets blurry all the time
Between daily and Divine
And it's hard to know the difference

Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Face down on the ground do I dare
To take the liberty to stare at you
Oh, let me not,
Oh, let me not forget to tremble

What a shame to think that I'd appear
Even slightly cavalier
In the matter of salvation
Do I claim this gift You freely gave
As if it were mine to take
With such little hesitation?

'Cause you came and stood among the very least of us
And it's easy to forget you left a throne

Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Oh, let me not froget to tremble
Face down on the ground do I dare
To take the liberty to stare at you
Oh, let me not
Oh, let me not forget to tremble

The cradle of the grave could not contain Your Divinity
Neither can I oversimplify this love

Oh, let me not forget to tremble

Face down on the ground do I dare
To take the liberty to stare at you
Oh, let me
Oh, let me not forget to tremble

-Nicole Nordeman

I also dedicate this song to a Special Someone, I know it's not very accurate to our situation cause I never do anything physical with the sister I love. But I just want to say that even though we don't talk much when we see each other and we have that unspoken understanding, I wish we did talk more though =)

When You Say Nothing At All
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It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don’t say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Old mr. webster could never define
What’s being said between your heart and mine

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

-Alison Krauss