Confessions of a insomaniac...

Here's some quote/paraphases from my MSN conversations which I call my drifting story:

I had to do some crazy driving/drifting on New Year's eve when driving back home from work... hehe, all that snow drifting in Initial D really pays off... ;) The cAr slipped on some something, maybe it was ice, but luckily I mastered the art of drift-countersteering or there could have been consequences...I didn't slip on purpose. I normally don't try to drift the car in real life unless I know there's no cars around, i.e. I go to an abandoned parking lot to pratice. Every car drives different so while I've got a pretty good hang of drifing different cars from playing the game, being able to master one's own car or in my case, my mom's car, you gotta pratice occasionally to see how it handles. I had traffic behind me so I didn't want to slow down to change into the right lane, the guy in the right lane wouldn't slow down to let me in and it was almost time to turn right... perhaps I should have just tried to go around, I don't remember if that was a T intersection though... anyhow so I had to speed up to pass him and also get into the right turn lane to make the turn into one of yield sign right turn lanes, but then all of a sudden the car slipped on something and lost control, the tail drifted out to the left... I gotta pretty scared but I used my "skills"... I had to do a drift in one of those yield sign right turn lanes... at least that's where I think the tail was, it was crazy... that's a really TIGHT drift:-O:-O Jesus might have helped me a bit on that one, even though I was at the wheel, I normally don't drift that good even if I'm trying to; Plus I've been a bit out of pratice. I haven't been playing Initial D as often as I used to, although I have been mainly sticking to praticing the snow course in the game. However, if the car's tail kicked out any later or earlier, the consequences could have been dire. So although I know I'm good at controlling a car when it's drifting, the road conditions that day and when and how the car started to drift, that wasn't intention nor under my control, thanks God. :)

Ya, and also me not hitting the wall or in this case, the turn, ya, I had to get pretty close to the inner curb to make the turn too... I wonder what the person in the right turn lane was thinking... haha, he/she was probably scared too... but next time they better pay attention to my signalling right and if they're behind me, they should know to slow down...

It's a new year, people talk about resolutions, plans, etc... so I figure maybe I should blog a bit about what's new with me. I was thinking to change my blog name to the subject of this blog "Confessions of a insomaniac..." Hopefully I won't have to... We'll see... but ya, "Secret Life of Agent K"... my life really isn't so secret anymore, not that it's a bad thing, but at first I didn't think anyone cared, I didn't think anyone would ever read my blog, so I'm kinda glad to be wrong on that one...

I just took a lot of scolding and yelling from my physical mother when I came home late from a New Year's Eve Bash... but that's the way she always is... she overreacts to every little thing. If I drop my dinner on the floor by mistake, she'll want to bring the roof down also. And the way she yells, the windows will go first if she was high pitched enough and then comes the walls when she throws her big fit(s)... Sometimes I think it's genetic, and my mom thinks so too, but maybe it's also parenting. Regardless, It's fairly evident that my mom isn't the only person in my biological family who "takes things too seriously". By the grace of God I'm trying to change, and it's happening, but it isn't easy. How does one put up with being raised with a single parent who constantly overreacts in your face. I really have a hard time not blowing up back at her sometimes. Most of the time I can keep my cool, but sometimes she just gives me too much "angry mom" rubbish or decides to push my buttons (make me angry) by using the one thing she knows will tick me off, which s to use my Lord's name in vain (it seems like she wants to tick me off when she's ticked off herself so she does it in purpose in my opinion!)

I know she cares and all and she just wants me to get a good night's rest as I gotta wake up for church in about 4 to 5 hours, but it's not like I can sleep anyway, that's why I don't care, cause I know I'm going to have trouble sleeping after seeing things that cause me to have trouble sleeping! (UNFINISHED)

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Ok, now it's actually January 1st night time. My head still feels like it's up in the clouds. Going to try to get some good sleep tonight, I estimate I'll fall asleep soon and hopefully sleep in till like noon the next day. Been sleep deprived the whole week.

(CONCLUSION IS ACTUALLY IN MY "Interruptions" Entry)

Eight crazy nights...

Well for me it's more like "eight crazy months" maybe.

I was watching this movie on CityTV the other day by Adam Sandler that was a good movie. A.S. movies always make me feel better about myself, but lately I've found them hard to enjoy cause I can't even seem to stand romance scenes on TV anymore. It saddens me to think how cold and heartless I've become after thingS went bad between us, but maybe that's God's way of helping me get over it. At least I hope it's God... cause right now I feel like I don't give a ____ that She doesn't want to talk to me, it's her problem, not mine, sad to say, you can even say I "hate" her.

So what went wrong? This is what the movie I saw "Eight Crazy Nights" is about. It's about this boy or in my case, "boy" Christian (spiritual age, but now I'm like spiritually 8) who used to be a really good kid and all, your model, church poster child if you wanna call him. But the faith in the movie is Jewish, it's about the 8 days/nights of Hanukkah (excuse zee spelling). Anyhow, point is, he was a good kid turned into a very bad adult that didn't care about anybody else's feelings, spent his life drinking and partying and being dead drunk most of the time got himself into a lot of trouble. Ironically I forgot to catch the movie so I missed the beginning, I only saw it starting from when he was already bad with some flashbacks and then when he repented. Oh and also there's some divine intervention involved and God/Jehovah (Jewish faith) leads him into repentance. Watch it, it's a good movie, but I rather not spell it all here, I rather talk about how it affected my life.

Here are some lyrics from the song in the movie:

Davey: It all seemed so long ago
Jennifer: Young and happy don't you know
Davey: Down by the creek I would show
fireflies to that girl.
Jennifer: But that was back when he was nice
Davey: Before my warm heart turned to ice
Whitey: My sister's wig once had lice
Jennifer: But that was long ago
Davey: The schoolyard's where we were,
the first time I kissed her.
Jennifer: He thought he got some toungue
Davey: But it was only retainer
Whitey: Eleanore's bra is a trainer
Davey: Well over theres my family home
Jennifer: And the woods we used to roam
Whitey: The only time I had sex was on the phone
Phone sex lady: But that was long ago
Davey: I carved our names upon that tree
Jennifer: I loved him and he loved me
Man: My darling wife was once a he
Man's 'darling' wife: But that was long ago
Jennifer: He'd always whisper in my ear
Davey: But then I started drinkin' beer
Whitey: My jewels got licked by six frisky
deer
*Deers giggle*
Jennifer: Now he's just a loner and a lier
Davey: And my trailor's caught on fire
fire!?

(the main character is Davey, the one I'm relating myself to)

Sometimes I wonder if I've become unlovable because I've been rejected too much or I am rejected too much because I'm now unlovable. I must have been rejected 10 times straight in a row now, yes I think it is up to #10 now. I don't even count anymore. And this doesn't include girls who for some stupid reason ignore me cause they think I'm interested in them in that way but when really I'm not. This is just 10 girls that I actually were pursuing that have rejected me explicitly.

"You know I read something in the reader's digest that those who cry when they are hurting are actually stronger than those that hold it inside."

"Unlovable", unlovable, oh why do I fight it?

Intro song:

Only Hope
Lyrics by: Switchfoot/Mandy Moore (http://www.switchfoot.com)

There's a song that's inside of my soul.
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold.
But you sing to me over and over and over again.

So, I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

Sing to me the song of the stars.
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now, you're my only hope.

I give you my destiny.
I'm giving you all of me.
I want your symphony, singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

Ok so how all this relates to my own life, well going to get to that! But it's late and I need to work tommorow so LOL another UNFINISHED entry, I'm not really into finishing blog entries one bit!

-------------------------------
FINISH THE ENTRY??? (Current date is now January 6th, 2005)

Actually I have decided NOT to finish the blog entry. And it's not just I'm too lazy or busy with other stuff. I'm not going to share about how this movie touched my life for several reasons.

1. I really don't want to have to think about it anymore. Going to post more about this in a more recent entry.
2. It may violate certain promiSes I made to keep things confidential if certain people read it.
3. I kinda delayed this entry too long :P And since I've been trying to surpress certain memorieS, I really won't be able to share exactly what I was feeling on this day anyhow.

Even though I don't have exams, I've been really busy lately and I just going to "quote" again. I just want to PUT AN END to all that Stuff that made me majorly confused... This is how I feel, I'm wide awake and I see the hard road God wants me to walk and yes the "perfect sky" is torn... But that's just the way love is, and I don't just mean romantic love, but all forms of love, you're going to see the other person for who they really are and if you still love them, it's worthwhile... Jesus does the same for me and you :)

Rufus Wainwright - Hallelujah Lyrics

Copyright © 1985 Leonard Cohen and Sony/ATV Music Publishing Canada Company.

I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty
in the moonlight
overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne,
she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time you'd let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me do you?
Remember when I moved in you?
The holy dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Love hurtS...

I've been able to forget about this issue a lot easier and faster. Truth is my faith in Jesus allows me to know it's either not His timing or not his plan for uS to be together...I wasn't real sure what She saw we had. But to me, I loved her and I wasn't sure if it was God's plan, so I kept praying and asking about it, but I guess I kinda pushed it too much too soon and didn't follow God's timing again... wouldn't be the first time... And eventually I felt so sure She was the right one for me, but now I dunno what to think and my faith is again challenged...Anyhow, now She kinda scared of me and I dunno what to do but just pray. I know I came on too strongly, but sometimes when you're sure of something, you're just sure and you put all your faith in it and you just kinda wanna go for it... But I want to try to express how I feel, I always tell myself I'm quite the poet and chrolographer i.e. song lyrics, I wanna try my hand at that right now. I just want to use normal everyday language first... All I want to say is I don't believe in starting relationships with aquintances either and as a result I've been maybe trying to get to know certain people better a bit too much if you know what I mean... But even though I know you even less than those other girls, sometimes I just get these feelings and even though it seems bad or hard at first, I trust God it's for the best. I guess I can't blame her, these things take experience and a mature mindset. But learning to trst in God through all circumstances, I guess you can't really do that till you start learning how to trust him more and more especially through the tough transitions times in life, like going from highschool to University and University out into the working world, etc... Yes, L, you know what I'm getting at... :P Anyhow onto the artsy way of doing things...

Hard to breathe, feels like floating...
So full of love, my heart's exploding...
Mouth is dry, hands are shaking...
My heart is yours, for the taking...
Acting weird, not myself...
Dancing around, like the Keebler elf...
Finally time, for this poor shlub.
To know how it feels, to fall in lub.
-Adam Sandler's greeting card from the movie Mr. Deeds

Remember Me
artist: Leslie Parrish

remember me

I feel you so close to me
I hope you still think of me
even I know you found another love

you took away my chance to
be with you forever
to be your love and stay together
you gave away the precious love
that we had to somebody else
oh baby I wanna tell you

remember me
remember everything we used to be
can you feel my heart pounding, pounding
will be forever, will you
remember you, remember me
I remember everything we used to be
'cause my blood is still pumping, pumping
will be forever, will you remember me

I need you, but it's o.k.
I know that, I'll find my way
I will begin to find another love

you took away my chance to
be with you forever
to be your love and stay together
you gave away the precious love
that we had to somebody else
oh baby I wanna tell you

remember me
remember everything we used to be
can you feel my heart pounding, pounding
will be forever, will you
remember you, remember me
I remember everything we used to be
'cause my blood is still pumping, pumping
will be forever, will you remember me

I feel you
even I know........

be with you forever
to be your love and stay together
you gave away the precious love
that we had to somebody else
oh baby I wanna tell you

remember me
can you feel my heart pounding, pounding
remember you, remember me
'cause my blood is still pumping, pumping
will be forever, will you remember me....

NOW I WILL ATTEMPT TO WRITE MY OWN MATERIAL
-------------------------------------------

(going to have to try hard to ignore all those song lyrics and poetry, etc... that I know...)

Hard to describe how I feel...
Having trouble keeping it real...
I know I don't have much money...
But I just feel so lonely...

Even though I don't know you much...
My heart I felt you touch...
I know for sure we are through...
Just remember I loved you...

(Oooo, this is good stuff, I'm going to add more before I switch to song lyric writing...)

I wanted to be your man,
But maybe that wasn't His plan?
I tried to my best to trust...
My faith was weak as rust...

I know I can get over you,
But does God want me to?
Our love helped me repent,
Now I just built the tents.

SONG LYRIC TIME:

Verse 1:
I've been alone for many years,
nobody to lend me an ear,
But my savior alone...
However, it is time I should,
find a helper who will,
help me to build a home...

Chorus:
Nothing in this life last forever...
But I wanted our love to...
Wanted to love you...
Wanted to follow His voice...

Verse 2:
Finding you was a miracle,
Didn't expect to find you,
Someone who could love me...
Maybe you don't know me that well,
But you know that I'm a Christian
Yes my past is ugly...

Verse 3:
(UNFINISHED, yes another unfinished blog, but that's the way I am!)

Meaning of Christmas...

Going to make another short Joyce style entry/entries and update ASAP when I have some time:

Grown-up christmas list



Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee;
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies.



Well, I’m all grown-up now,
And still need help somehow.(can you still help somehow)
I’m not a child,
But my heart still can dream.



So here’s my lifelong wish,
My grown-up christmas list.
Not for myself,
But for a world in need.



No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,(and wars would never start)
And time would heal all hearts.
And everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end.
This is my grown-up christmas list.



As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree.(wrapped beneath the tree)



Well heaven surely knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul.


No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal all hearts.
And everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end.
This is my grown-up christmas list.

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth.

(there’d be)

No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,

And time would heal all hearts.
And everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end, oh.

This is my grown-up christmas list.
oh this is my only christmas wish .
This is my grown-up christmas list.

-Amy Grant

Wanna know more? Come to our RCCF Coffee House!

Details:
The event will be on Wednesday, November 30th,
2005, 6:00pm at Ryerson, room LIB 72

David Dwarka will be speaking and there will be
some refreshments afterward.

Hope to see you there!

I'll be there too but I might be late cause I'm working...

K

Last night was AMAZING....

LOL, this is just to go along with our Sunday School joke about a "one-night-stand" with Jesus. It's pretty jokes. Also yesturday was just plan amazing, totally God lead the whole day, I'll have a very interesting story to tell tommorow about my walk with God towards trying too see where He can best use me in full-time Ministry.

Ok right now I'm going to get really emotional.... It's funny, cause at our workshop yesturday the speaker was telling us how we're really excited to go to seminaries and serve God at first, but then later we kinda cool down and get more a more mature mindset about it. Actually I do have a "mature mindset" about it, I know I can't afford it right now, but maybe I really need to submit, I mean I could always go back to school for a few years even if I need to take out another loan. Besides, all these consequences I'm facing now are a result of my disobedience 7 years ago. For me it's kinda the opposite, my excitement to serve God was dampened by my fear at first, I wasn't even brave enough to step up and sign that thing we usually sign at church for dedicating ourselves to full-time ministry. And now it's like I'm afraid, oh ya... I'm VERY AFRAID... but at the same time, the "excitement" is so great that I can't take it anymore. I feel as though if I don't give my heart to Him to serve Him RIGHT NOW, I'm going to die! It's actually better to read some "unfinished entries" I have first to get the big picture, but I haven't finished typing those yet. I've been busy trying to sort things out in my mind.

K

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST...

I have been in tears all week long, repeating one short prayer after these 6 months it is finally clear where He wants to lead me -> "Oh Lord, I'm sorry...:'''''( Please use me..." all night long I go on absolute fasts at night, no sleep, no water, no food.... Cause I know I've delayed what I know I should be doing. Now IS the time. I've thought it through, I think it is finally time for me to start placing my heart to full-time ministry to God, these last 6 months have been nothing short of pure suffering, but it has allowed me to see God's heart...I'm going to tell my mom about this calling of mine today, please pray for me. I'll write a more detailed sharing later...

Love in Christ,
K

Where's the love?

(Just to clarify, I'm not refering to "our" love, agape not eros)

Recent activitieS have lead me to study 1 Cor 13 in more detail =) I have another more recent entry also related to that passage that I will post later, but I wanted to finish talking about this topic for a long time now. That is my "lessons learned" through the suffering of summer 2005, a.k.a. "my worst summer ever".

I'm reminded by this verse which someone dear to me holds on to...

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." -2Chron 7:14

It's true... I guess all of this started the same way it ends. God's love can't be given to the same perfection as by humans. God knows I'm not dumb, but sometimes I can be "thick skulled" and it takes time for things to finally "click", but I know myself, the longer I suffer (or take to learn), the better the lesson. I think this is the lesson God was trying to teach me over the summer! Sadly sometimes I know I hurt a lot of people around me in the process, whether those on my softball team, those in my church, those in my family, etc... etc... and maybe even the one girl (hopefully not) who's my "very heart <3". It's like that sermon at my church yesturday based on the book of James, God does TEST our faith!

Johnny Wong wrote:
p'sKid~ wherever You lead me.... says:
kevin.....Jesus is alive.....stop feeling sorry for yourself.....God is the source of true peace and joy.....why is your soul downcast?!?!? go read psalm 42

Ironically I already read it on the previous Wednesday at CCF. Well I'll take this "prescription" again later after this blog for sure though!

----------End of today-------:

That was a really great passage my favourite P'sK! Just what the Doctor Jesus ordered. "Bring on Jesus"... I found verse 3 particularly applicable to my situation with my mom (except she's a "woman"):

" 3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"

My stomach's still not 100% so I better take another day off work to see if it's illness or stress...

I've recently been picking up some bad habits, I wouldn't say blogging is evil, but not being able to sleep at night cause fear of my short-term memory and disorganizing and wanting to post this BLOG ASAP cause God has been so good to me today, is a bit extreme. And I'm sure it's time for me to "sabath". But I'm just going to put it in point form first and expand on it later:

1. MCBCSL made a very big mistake on rejecting me as softball captain... it turned me into the very monster they expected me to be. I know it sounds harse at this point, but again I'm using as little words as possible and I'm going to explain why it went bad. But anyone from my local church and even Christians from other churches that I know that I wasn't the same person after being turned down this opportunity to serve Him...

2. But nobody, other than Jesus is perfect. And even though they are a Christian organization, "lead by Christ", they aren't perfect and they don't know me as well as Jesus does. Even as a "Good Christian", I make mistakes. I made one by allowing this to get to me as much as it did and not turning away from my thinking but allowing myself to be transformed more and more by giving Satan that extra foothold one after another.

3. If I don't forgive MCBCSL for making that BIG MISTAKE. I'm no better than MCBCSL... It was a very bad mistake on their part... in fact, I actually probably scared more people away NOT being a captain than being one... and for that I'm sorry. It was wrong of them to be unchristlike and show favourtism to give a second chance to someone else but not to me. But likewise I will be no better if I don't give MCBCSL a second chance and boycott the entire committee for life like they did to me for the summer by holding the same very "grudge" they held against me against them.

1 Cor 13:5 ->"Love keeps no record of wrongs". I'm going to explain my interpretation/insight of the "easily angered" part tommorow. I was using a study bible and God lead me to some very deep insight on this whole "anger" issue.

-K

"Detailed" Theological Explaination:
-------------------------------------

I don't believe hiding what happened between MCBCSL and me is going to solve the problem. I think it's best to lay it out in the open, and I don't want people in the league to think I'm leaving because "I have problems with the league". In fact there are also other reasons why I want to join CCSA besides not being totally content with MCBCSL and if I leave next year for those God honouring reasons, I hope you all realize it's not cause I'm still holding something against the league.

I simply felt they were being unchristlike in a few areas when it came to them rejecting me. Favortism, Unforgiveness, going against God's calling....Now I don't have anything personal against my 2005 Captain Jonathan, yes, he tends to over react and get angry at things he shouldn't really react that fiery too, but he knows that and he's trying to change. He's in my prayers and so is the league. But as previously stated in one of my Friendster Bulletins, it's not him I despise, but the league's lack of faith and trust in God to allow me to captain.

But let's put God first! :) Seeing how God allowed me to be free all summer and how I had an earning to repay the league for the love I've had from my previous captains and teams and felt CALLED by God to Captain that summer as I'm also familiar with the time commitment involved, but God took care of that too. I honestly believe everything was ideal in God's eyes for me to take that position. I was ready, willing and prepared. Sufficient to say, Captaining rather than staying at home dwelling on the fact that I still don't have a job, etc... etc... "worse summer ever"... would have made things turn out more positively. Instead, I held this grudge against the league and I allowed it to manifest from a little evil to something that almost totally destroyed my life spiritually, mentally, and physically.

But at this point, you're probably asking WHY? Simple, when I'm sure of something and I know it's God's will, especially when it comes to serving Him, God has never let me down, He always provides me with what I need to serve Him if I'm willing, and I already had what I need, just not the opportunity. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." [2 Cor 12:19] This also makes me jump ahead to the previous entry about how in the sermon the speaker mentioned I believe it was the word "trial" or "testing" in chinese is the combination of "danger and opportunity". Ya, I heard this sermon like twice, once in RHCBC and then again in Logos, someone please correct me if I'm wrong. The outline theological content is the same, but the context and application really helped me get a lot out of the Message (see "Time foR putting the past bEhind" entry for further details).

Satan knew this, he knew allowing the league to reject me would destroy me. He wanted to crush my spirit and sadly I allowed Satan to succeed... I know now God wanted me to commit to full-time Ministry perhaps as early as September 2005, cause now I already know now where God wants to lead me and if I have had these 3 months with God during June to August instead of September to November, I would probably be studying my seminaries now instead of my current sufferings as a result of my own disobedience to God. I am in no way blaming the league for this, they couldn't have known, but I'm just stating what happened...But I think I'm ready now, here I am Lord, please send me... :') Why am I tripping so much over this $33,000 pebble when I know "God can move mountains"? (Thanks Joyce Ma for those lyrics) Our church expansion project costs 20x that, if it's God's timing and divine providence, I really have nothing to worry about...If God wants me to do something, I should have faith He will provide in one way or another, whether through a job or other sources.

In a similiar way I lacked faith in God, MCBCSL also lacked faith in me and God. That verse I quoted earlier, the full form as quoted by Paul...

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. [2 Cor 12:19]

It's like CCF's program this week and I quote "Worse yet, the world looks at us and has seen this UN-LIFE-CHANGING faith for a long time now." I don't feel surprised if the world looks at some Christians this way (hopefully not all Christians), but for a Christian softball league to look at me that way? Is this Christlike? My faith was fine before being rejected, but now that I have been, my faith has been broken, my relationship with God hindered, I have cried non-stop everynight of this week for to restore my relationship with Him to what it was before being rejected.

Now I'm not saying the league is wrong for accusing me of those PAST mistakes. I confess what I did wasn't right, but I think likewise the league has to live up to it's own responsibility that what they did wasn't completely right either. As the bible says "The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it." [John 1:5] I don't believe leaving everyone in the dark if I decide not to play in MCBCSL next year is the right solution at this point since I already told at least 5 people how I feel, I don't want any negative feelings I may have held before towards the league or the league has towards me to remain unresolved in the "darkness". The bible teaches us it's always better to resolve problems than to leave them hanging.

Ok, what the league did?; The "unchristlikeness" I perceived that made me feel so upset... I felt it was going against the love of Jesus by showing favourtism. I happened to know some people ACTUALLY stopped playing softball because of the actions of a captain last year in the league. Yet, the league refused to let me captain because of what MIGHT happen. This really upset me. BIG TIME! My view of the entire summer basically took a downhill spiral after that. Campus Challenge was great, it was my first experience being a cell group leader and I felt really content to be given that opportunity to meet new Christians from different campuses and serve. But then I get home right after CC and they call me and tell me this news... I have to admit, it hurt me more than heR or hEr rejecting me! I guess cause it felt to me like God was rejecting me and I love God much more than I love any sister in Christ, not that I don't love "you" very much, I hope you know I do. =) But my as my friend Jason said, my love for God must surpass my love for anyone else because at the end of the day, it's just me and the One Jesus Christ who holds my hand :) (see song at end of blog).

Ok, why I thought it was unchristlike. Let me throw out the verses first:

(UNFINISHED)

I Know Who Holds Tomorrow
-------------------------

I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
And I don't borrow from the sunshine

'Cause the skies might turn to grey.
And I don't worry about the future,

'Cause I know what Jesus said,
And today I'm gonna walk right beside him
'Cause he's the one who knows what is ahead.

There are things about tomorrow
That I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.

And each step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb.
And every burden is getting lighter
And all the clouds, they are silver lined.

And, over there the sun it's always shining *****Here is where the
There, no tears will ever dim the eye correction is.
And the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains, they touch the sky.
There are many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.
Yes I know who holds my hand.

Check it-> http://jlfoundation.net/tomorrow.html

Unhappy Valentine's Day...

[Here's another old entry I had sitting around in my archives that I thought I'll dig up because it's an interesting 'related reading' to the "Time foR putting the past bEhind" entry (follows after this entry if you scroll down). Originally dated February 14, 2005]

It's that time of the year again... Not Christmas though... now sadly there are people out there that celebrate today, but not Christmas, very sad. But today's definitely not a day for me to receive or give any gifts. I should concentrate on all these februariEE B-days, like my own! ;)

Also, I've been wondering, does anybody out there actually read my blog? :P Perhaps this is simply a fulfilment of what I've been thinking about for a long time now. I've been planning on keeping some sorta diary and since I type faster than I can handwrite, I was thinking of doing it in computer format too. Like perhaps in a text file sitting on my desktop or something. But I suppose this is actually it, but it's like sitting on the web where everyone can, yet perhaps nobody reads it. Oh well, the plus side is that if my computer crashes I can always access my Blog from any computer at any time.

Ya... Valentine's day really sucks! And apparently I'm not the only one to think or blog so... It's like so discrimatory... what should we call it? Datist (like Racist)? Statusism? But ya, why do they make such a day for only certain people? It's like having a holiday for only a certain racial group or something. Valentine's day is really not "single-friendly" or kind to the "romatically-challenged"! It really sucked hanging out at lunch at Atrium and stuff and watching these couples do their "thang" and being reminded of how single and how lonely I am. Interesting enough this week in Cantonese Small Group, O decided to stick to the topic we were trying to talk about the week before, "Love" (like "What is love?", "What is love....? Baby don't hurt me... don't hurt me no more..." :P) What was that word Vince used for love between couples again? I looked it up... "eros"... LOL... that's where "Erotic" comes from :P

Well, one thing I did do for Valentine's day... I sent e-cards to my friends (I don't have a girlfriend, just a lot of female friends, some closer than others, but one sister in particular I'm closer to. =) Interesting enough they have cards that are like "Anti-Valentine's Day" ones and some others that are non-romantic. So at least Yahoo! Greetings has cards that are considerate towards the single people :) I dunno how much longer I'll be single, but I feel it'll be for a while :( Afterall, I am under the Jeff Chan curse :P LOL... just kidding. But I highly doubt that the fact that over 90% of RCCF being single is due to Jeff Chan, it's our fault :P LOL, no... just kidding about that too. In fact I think it's cool that CCF is 90+% single and that we all "kiss dating goodbye" and focus on God and all. [NEW ADDITION: LOL, actually it's not a curse, it's him, he keeps hogging all the girls to himself :P Just kidding...But even though he's doing a good things giving sisters rides home for their safety, it does kinda eliminate chances for romance to start.]However, perhaps since we are like getting older, we should actually have a program about dating/relationships at CCF like the "Love, Sex and Relationship" ones I skip CCF to attend at Winners fellowship so that we can learn more about the "godly" way to indulge in these kinda things IF God wants us to.

Ok, I actually started this entry on Monday and am finishing it now (Thursday), but I have a Philosophy of Religion mid-term to go study for now, please pray for me. So until next time, have a unhappy Valentine's Day.

Time foR putting the past bEhind.

I think maybe I'll use two seperate blog entries to make things easier. This one is specifically directed to anyone in my church or part of MCBCSL who may still hold a negative view of me. It's a lesson about agape love. As always stated whenever 1 Cor 13 is used, the passage is not restricted to be applied to marriages, but also for Christian/God/Agape love in general. It's often used in marriages because it illustrates how love between couples reflects God's love for the church. I should prepare for my job interview which by faith I think I will have next week. But also by faith, I know God doesn't want me to only do my own thing and forget about Him! So I'm going to "by faith" put God first and do what I know is right. Which is to write an entry that gives glory back to God while I pratice my typing. It's so hard to accept how much slower my typing has gotten since leaving school for 6 months! I'm sure my future employer is going to look down on me if he's not getting that 50WPM I sometimes advertise on my resume.

There are many good things about the past worth remembering, but my "spiritual mother", Vanessa is right, I need to focus more on the positive and the negative. So since it's been keeping me up at night, I'm going to apply a "professional" :P approach to this, I'm going to "write it off" and ship it out and "get it over with".

This blog entry focuses specifically on certain verses/phrases of 1 Cor 13 that I feel aren't always addressed.

Something our guest speaker Rev. (Dr?, not sure, but I know he's a professor at the University side of *seminary* and he was Joyce Ma's prof) DW talked about today I was like "TRUE THAT"! Or as I like to use [Darm cha] (for emphasize provided it's not some Mandarin curse word, I'll keep using it) -> "Single people have a bad wrap in the church, people think there's something wrong with them..." It's like OH YA!! PREACH IT BROTHER! Haven't I being saying it???? Haven't I been saying it?!?! I've been saying it for at least 4 long years!!! I know to some people I may have come off "desperate" to find a mate, but the truth is, I'm past that now. I have already accepted the fact that there's nothing wrong with being single even if I have been for single for 6-7 years (as a Christian and 17-18 years as a non-christian) already. But also there's nothing wrong with NOT being single either =) I've known that for a long time now, but it's true, some fellow Christians in my church think it's "not good for man to be alone" and tend to put too much pressure/teasing on others for being single AND Yes, sometimes people do look at me the wrong way or are overly suspicious of my intentions when I might just be trying to be "brotherly" to the opposite sex. Come on, let's put things into perspective here, even though every single Christian girl out there is eligible to be my wife some day, I'm not going to like pursue the possibility with more than one girl at a time, I'm just going to be Christian about it and follow God's leading. :) Not that I expect a wife to fall from the sky like manna, but my point is for the past 3 years I'm no longer "girl crazy". I'm not that person anymore, I'm a transformed individual in Christ. That's what I need people to understand, it's better to give me positive critisism than ignore me completely or deny me (see "Where's the love entry?") However, I just ignore them and leave things to God's plan and timing. :) But even though I'm glad heR and I have put it behind us, I'm sadden by the fact I don't think my church has completely put it behind. What makes it even interesting was earlier in the sermon he also talked about there are times when a brother might approach you and say that it is God's will for you to marry me.... It was like yo... I was just thinking last night I gotta find finish this blog entry to get people to stop thinking about that issue with me and heR that happened 7 years ago, but now you have to go and keep bRinging it up! Actually, even the speaker was saying that YES, there is God's will in marriage, but you gotta go investigate what is God's will. I was having an interesting conversation with Rebecca Chan from RHCBC about that earlier last night, I'm going to edit it later to made it more readable, but she told me she doesn't mind if I copy and paste it here so I'm going to past it unedited for you more savy and "want it instantly" readers. It's absolutely true, the sermon I heard in CCF on Wednesday, here in North America people always want to have things fast and on the fly. I like his example "He didn't want FAST food, he wanted INSTANT food."

Testing (do not click)

Hmm... I was going to make a link of that conversation, but it's not really working. Maybe I'll just summarize it into my own words.

Ok, setting up that link to our conversation isn't really working... But I got one more bone to pick... It seems also that my church might hold a negative view of dating/courting (unmarried) couples breaking up. Well maybe it's all because people in my church also pressure people who are in relationships too much to do certain things... Right J? (codename, that's not anyone who's name starts with a J). I think people in my church put "relationships" on the petalstool of "marriage" where it doesn't belong. But then when you go to "marriage counselling", it's basically from what I heard, the Pastor taking it OFF the petalstool and you decide if "marriage" is the right thing for you. I.e. "Are you two sure you really wanna go through with this?" I've know of courting unmarried couples who are literally AFRAID of breaking up. AND I think I know why. It's because if they do, these brothers and sisters would come ask about it I.e. "Oh, why did you two break up? I thought you were happy together, etc..." It's really not up to them to decide, it's the couple's decision between themselves and God, the same with marriage. Likewise, a lot of people who want to start considering a "relationship/courtship" in my church are also afraid of other people knowing about it because rumors, etc... will start. This actually links to the conversation I had with Becca actually. Honestly, I think exploring God's will in relationships/marriage takes time and maturity and if people decide to "break up", it's really not the end of the world. And people ought to just accept it and not critize, it's none of their business anyway, they shouldn't ask why or assume something is wrong, only comfort the people involved if those people come to them first. Honestly, I think if after a while they don't see the relationship bringing themselves closer to God while they become closer to each other, they should just break it off, it's better for all three parties (God, male, female).

BTW, none of this above necessarily relates to me personally persay. I'm not sure where God wants to take me yet, I'm waiting for Him to give me further guidance. I'm just saying I agree with the viewpoint I heard being shared at a Christians Single conference that if after a "trial period" of being in a "relationship", they really decide it's not for glory of God or beneficial to themselves spiritually and each other, they should just break it off. It's going to hurt a lot more in the long-run to drag on a relationship that shouldn't be... Hee... I'm not refering to any "relationship" I'm in. My point is, "if the shoe doesn't fit, lose it" LOL :P But what I see happening in my church sometimes is some stubborness of people being in relationships for as long as 6 years or more and then breaking it off... OUCH... that hurts. By that time, your feet are killing you :P, you heart aches and it's going to take a long time to love in that way again. OR in some cases, you try to fill the hole with someone else that you might not be meant to be with. I'm not saying that if you break up and see someone else, that person isn't God's will, but I believe you need a certain period of being "comfortable with singleness" before seeing God's will more clearly. LOL, I call it the "unlovable" period! Then after this humbleness that "macking is evil" and "flirting is wrong", you then see what God has in store for you and it can be quite amazing. =) I think after a certain amount of ADEQUATE time of getting to know each other and God's plan while being spiritually healthy and not disobeying God's "rules and guidelines" i.e. no impurity...for dating, you should have some idea whether it's God's plan or not so don't drag on things if you know it's not, break it off, ON THE FLIP SIDE... If it looks like it MIGHT be God's will... explore more! ;) But again these things take time, a lot of time.

I guess the long and short of it is, "dating/relationships" are NOT marriage and if you keep that mindset in mind... marriage isn't going to feel like a "bad/blind date" when it finally happens! :)

Change of perspective...

On Halloween night I had a chance to do something different for a change. Well, not different to me, but new. I helped out with my church's childern's program on Halloween night. It's was fun, but when our leader said he never done it before, he clearly hasn't! No offense JM, but you have a lot to learn about kids! Maybe you should think about having some of your own :P or on the other hand, if you don't know how to handle them, maybe you shouldn't have any! :P

The one thing that bugged me was one of the kids said I was "depressed" and hmm... I forgot the second word he said... "broken hearted"? "Broken spirited?" But regardless, the fact that someone thought I was depressed was already pretty bad...And then the son of one of my closer uncle friends said to me "That's because he is depressed and ____" Ouch! Ya, maybe I have been depressed and grouchy (was that the word, I can't remember) lately due to the pain in my foot and work and all. But it was wrong of me to let that affect the love I showed to the kids in my church. Well I wouldn't necessarily say I was taking out my frustration on them persay. However, it would make it seem like I'm not happy to see or be there for them I guess.

I talked to my boss on Wednesday and he confirmed what I "believed" to be true. That he feels I'm too slow when it comes to repairing cameras. It's not like I can't do it, but I know I'll probably never be as fast as those what I've come to call "made in China" people. :P Hehe, nothing personal, but the rate they put them back together I always joked that "Now I know why everything is made in China!" :P Yes, he knows my "talent" isn't in that area, so I was correct in assuming that when he makes me fetch cameras from the shelves for repair or do optical adjustments all day it's because he just wants give me something to do that I'm more efficient at so he can keep me employed as a favor. Aww... My cousin's right, I should be thankful for all this help the Christians in my church are giving me, and I am! I just haven't had time to type up that entry yet.

Reason why I titled this entry "Change of perspective..." is because at first felt kinda blessed with what I've been given, then I began to see the downside of things, especially when my foot started hurting from standing too much at my new job. And now I've changed my perspective again to being more neutral about everything. I guess life here on earth is always going to be full of good and bad, but nonetheless, we gotta make the most of it for Him while we're still around. ;)

[The above paragraph may sound confusing now, but I promise it'll be more clear when I post some of the older unfinished entries...]

Nicole Nordeman songs seem to be a big theme this month with some of my blogging friends. So I've decided I'm going to post a NN song of my own that really reflects how I ought to feel. I've been so blessed recently that I'm beginning to feel that maybe the pain in my feet is God's way of reminding me to not forgot about Him during my time of blessings. This song is kinda OLD, so you might not know this one Joyce. Hehe, Joyce, I'll let you know when's the next time I come visit so you can sing it for me :P I heard it on the sample CD being handed out by RCCC (Ryerson Campus Crusade for Christ) as part of the orientation packages during the first week I was at Ryerson. I wasn't sure what it was before I took it, cause I might not have took it since I'm already a Christian. But actually I've made use of these packs over the years and often share the contents with other Christian and non-Christian friends ;)

Tremble
--------

Have I come too casually?
Because it seems to me
There's something I've neglected
How does one approach a Deity
with imformality
And still protect the Sacred?

'Cause you came and chose to wear the skin of all of us
And it's easy to forget You left a throne

And the line gets blurry all the time
Between daily and Divine
And it's hard to know the difference

Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Face down on the ground do I dare
To take the liberty to stare at you
Oh, let me not,
Oh, let me not forget to tremble

What a shame to think that I'd appear
Even slightly cavalier
In the matter of salvation
Do I claim this gift You freely gave
As if it were mine to take
With such little hesitation?

'Cause you came and stood among the very least of us
And it's easy to forget you left a throne

Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Oh, let me not froget to tremble
Face down on the ground do I dare
To take the liberty to stare at you
Oh, let me not
Oh, let me not forget to tremble

The cradle of the grave could not contain Your Divinity
Neither can I oversimplify this love

Oh, let me not forget to tremble

Face down on the ground do I dare
To take the liberty to stare at you
Oh, let me
Oh, let me not forget to tremble

-Nicole Nordeman

I also dedicate this song to a Special Someone, I know it's not very accurate to our situation cause I never do anything physical with the sister I love. But I just want to say that even though we don't talk much when we see each other and we have that unspoken understanding, I wish we did talk more though =)

When You Say Nothing At All
----------------------------

It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don’t say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Old mr. webster could never define
What’s being said between your heart and mine

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

-Alison Krauss

Hire me!

I don't mean to sound "greedy". Or too into "material wealth", besides, later on this might be changed to be a resume for a Pastoral position or something if that's where God calls me... so ya, LOL, definetely should not be about material $....

Anyhow, I know I have some devoted blog readers out there, so I wanna give off some regular update "aura" like most of my friend's blogs, if update regularly, I will read regularly, if they don't *cough cough* "Queenie from Queens" :P... then I'll still visit maybe at least once a week, but won't remember to as easily since I've "read it all already"....

So ya, it seems weird, but I guess you never know who'S reading your blog, yeah, I'm still Sorry you had to find out I wrote those bad thingS about you in my blog :(... *cough cough* you never mentioned you've forgiven me, I've just aSSumed. ;)

Without futher adieu, excuse the formatting but I'm too lazy and busy (LOL yes, for the "state machine" that is me such a "state" exists) to use my HTML skills to edit the format right now, maybe later, got some other typing I need to do....so here's the "copy and paste" resume most users of online applications will see whenI have to paste it into their basic HTML form they ask me to fill out at their company website:

[Feel free to comment on changes I should make, distribute to anyone you know, and also contact me for a hard and/or soft copy of this resume; cover letter requests for job openings also "available upon request"]...

K e v i n Y a n
302-55 Glenn Hawthorne Blvd. Mississauga, ON. L5R 3S6
Tel: 905.712.0086 E-mail: kevin_temporary@yahoo.ca
Born 1981


Highlights Honest, hard-working and determined, stands up for beliefs,
active team member, loves technology, welcomes challenges


Objectives To apply my knowledge of engineering and technology learned in University in an Engineering position suitable for my background.

Education Ryerson University - Bachelor of Engineering in
Electrical and Computer Engineering, 2005
Thesis: designed Autonomous Programmable Robot

Computer Skills Programming: C, VHDL, Assembly, JavaScript,
MATLAB, Visual Basic
Software: MS Office Suite
Design Software: Cadence, P-Splice, Adobe Photoshop,
Adobe Premiere, MS Publisher
Operating Systems: Unix, Linux, Windows, Mac, Real-time

Areas of Study Computer hardware Software engineering
Control systems Embedded Systems
Circuits (Logic and Electrical)
Communications (Optical, Digital and Cellular)

Achievements - Honours Student in IBT Program - Secondary School
- Student of the Month, 1995
- Top 25% of Students, GAUSS Math Competition, Top Student in School

Work Experience First String Sports – (June 2005 – Present)
Salesperson
Assist customers and coworkers, iron clothing, dismantle boxes, restock inventory.

RHCBC Church - (June – August 2004)
Summer Camp Counsellor
Supervised children, organized activities and programs weekly, volunteered for Camp drama team.

Private Tutor – (Sept. 2002 – June 2004)
High school level Math, Physics, English


Skydome Food Services – (April – June 2001)
Busser
Covered the entire restaurant as valuable aid to waiters.

TROW Consulting Engineers – August 2000
Traffic Controller
Office Mover

Volunteer Experience
Daniel Fellowship (Logos Church)
GM, Retreat Planning Committee

Logos Church
Retreat General Manager

Junior Achievement
Company President

Peel Board of Health
Touch-screen Designer

Interests Sports, dragonboat, chess, reading about technology and cars, comedy and self-help books, the environment, Chinese Christian Fellowship

Time for a "Short" update...

Heh, actually more like a "quick" update, but I call it "Short" for the benefit of Someone who once asked me for "Short"er e-mails. Well I'm actually need to sleep SOON, kinda shouldn't be up as late as I should need to work early tommorow morning, but felt somewhat blessed tonight and want to share. More blogs comming very soon, I promise, LOL I have at least 5 unfinished blogs I'm still working on.

Tonight I went to "An evening of thanks" at RHCBC and it was really nice to have this opportunity. Not that I mind being able to serve Him, I like it in fact, but I have more responsibilities now at my church fellowship so I can't go visit RHCBC as often, but I haven't at RHCBC been since August the week I signed up and the weekend I played at the fellowship cup, so it's about time. I don't know if I told this to everyone, but I'm shorta in the midst of "church shopping". Now I know that's usually a bad philosophy, but I'm not trying to do it out of a bad motive. In fact, I don't have too many peeves with Logos, just that recently I've realized I need a change. I think I will share more later, but two primarily reasons is 1. I may move in the future to relocate for a full-time Engineering job and I may move as far as even Hong Kong, Richmond Hill or Markham would be a "little move", I feel I ought to get used to the idea I may have to move churches in the future and since I've never done something like that before, I ought to "pratice" that by taking this opportunity that even though RHCBC isn't my home church, I already know a few people there from working there and my friend John and some of his cousins I know also go there; So ya, it is easier than going to a completely new church where I might know "nobody at all", which is something I might have to face in the future if I have to relocate for work. I'm sure some of you who may have to relocate for School and may have gone to other churches in other cities might be able to relate. Such as my "daughter" (pretend daughter) Crystal who can't possibly go back every week to Vancouver for church, well she could :P but it would be pretty time consuming and expensive :P. So ya, trying to get used to the idea of trying to fit in and make new Christian friends at a church that I haven't been to for "years" or "all my Christian life" or "grew up in ____ church". 2. RHCBC seems like a good community, forgive me, you know who you are if you are reading this, hehe, this is turning out to be a "long" blog :P, that I once commented "people from your church... blah blah blah, blah...", however I must note that actually it is only a few people from RHCBC who seem to still have blocked/delete/whatever me on MSN and/or are ignoring me, everyone else I know in other Christian circles such as my own church (with the exception of perhaps one peRson) and RCCF have found it in their Christian hearts to forgive me and clearly aren't ignoring me anymore :) But over RHCBC doesn't seem bad at all, in fact like Matt's sharing, it's quite good for the most part, I see the Christian love and life from RHCBC and also I feel blessed to hear his interesting sharing tonight which for the sake of "Short" (not saying you are Short) I won't elaborate on. 3. (actually tied with #1), if I ever move to Richmond Hill or surrounding area, I know I have a church in mind already (RHCBC :)) which I can consider calling "home" and I don't have to necessarily move to the "York-Region Logos" just cause it happens to be a sister church of my home church :P Regardless of the affilation, sister church is still a "different church".

Ok, that's all I'm going to type about that, least I keep dragging it out and never finishing and actually posting an update! Today before the banquet, I also went to my cousin's house to get his help with how to jack and/or fix the brakes in my mom's car. Turns out the jack doesn't life high enough :( *embrassing too*, but that kinda sucks, like what on each do they even use this jack for, I simply got it case it was cheap and on sale $10 off, not to mention the last one too. The jack itself on the label does say you need to "transfer the weight onto jackstands ASAP" (or something like that) to avoid losing the load and risk personal injury, but still, dunno why it doesn't do what it's supposed to do, argh...Also, I'm not saying my cousin doesn't know anything, but his friend who might know more also said I need to get better quality braking rotors and I shouldn't risk "safety" on cheap parts when it comes to something like brakes. I also got these rotors on sale from Canadian Tire, at 25% off or second one half price (but they ended up taking 25% off both, or so they claim), looks like I'm going to try to refund them. Also he was like to my cousin "You didn't notice this did you?" and my cousin kept going "What? What?" and then it was pointed out that the engine did have a VTEC solenoid afterall, or well a "solenoid" and he thinks it is probably VTEC afterall, even if he's not 100%, but he's "pretty sure" he said and he showed me the solenoid on his swapped into Civic Integra engine which looks like exactly the same as mine and explained to my cousin that some cars have it on that side of the engine. We also discussed other things like how much they might be able to get their friend to fix the car for and also that the milelage I'm geting, despite how bad I think it is, is still "not too bad" and "can be expected for this type of engine" and that it's still "within limits" and not necessarily significantly less milelage. Anyhow, yeS, "enough car talk" :P

So now I'm still going to talk about "car" and explain my blessing :P LOL, well not "car", "gas", I got gas tonight, I left a bit earlier than I wanted to, since whenever I visit I like to get a chance to talk to as many people as I can...But I was trying to beat the clock and get home or back into Mississauga where it was "cheaper" than Richmond Hill in time to get gas before 12AM. I left around 11PM, but I missed my exit twice, well first time I missed the 400 exit on the 407 which wasn't too bad, except I pay a bit more in toll fees, took the 427 instead and should have decided to take the 427 down all the way and get to the Dundas and Dixie gas station, even if the Eglinton and Tomken one is a bit more expensive, but closer (like 0.4 cents more per liter). Anyhow, got off the wrong exit on 427 and almost got onto the 401 east via 409 exit, but bailed to airport road at the last opportunity to avoid that route... I saw "401" and just went for it, silly me, actually I should have just gone that 401 via 409 this afternoon actually as it was pretty good the last Friday afternoon I took when I avoided the 401, but it goes back to 401 eventually, but closer to the 400. But today, I got off at Derry instead since the 427 was also packed and ended up taking Kipling to Steeles since Derry became packed and then Kipling ends at Steeles apparently! Finally took Steeles to Pine Valley Drive and got to the 407... when I was on the ramp, I thought "freedom"... and THEN, major jam there too! Boourns! Ouch... ok, to keep the story short, I got lost and I cursed/swore at my misfortune when I saw that the Dixie and Dundas Petro Canada was already closed and the price changed to 98.9 (from 90.5 my brother reported to me on my cell before I left). What I can say is, you really only start to care about how much gas costs if you have to drive FAR, and I don't mean no measy 10 or 20km, I mean over 30km to get to downtown and 50km to get to Richmond Hill, one way. And also when one's car, or mom's car since I don't have my own, uses 2 more liters per ever 100km due to engine problems... definetely not a good thing with today's gas prices!

Ok, that was the bad news, now here's a bit of good! I manage to get cheaper gas still, even though the price changed. I was like... ah well, might as well worth another try and take Tomken north even with the slower speed limit and just hope/pray that it's still cheap somehow and I thought to myself "the pump tells the real price, not the big sign, if there's not too many people, give it a try, read the price at the pump"... Now, here is where after I filled up, I'm getting a bit teary eyed, cause on Wednesday we had just watch that "The Story of Jesus for Childern" movie which I also saw at Kid's clubhouse last year when the Some of the other counsellorS were asleep :P. Anyhow that part when the fisherman, I believe it was Peter, I think... don't remember, one of his disciples :P was like "Away from me Lord, for I am a sinful man..." after catching that miraclous catch of fish. That's how I felt, I wanted to cry during the movie and again after getting gas. Well, the truth is, the price had already changed, it was 98.9 there also, BUT! But, something unusual happened, there were too pumps to the side that are not in service, now I understand why those pylons are there and nobody goes to those two. But I pulled my car up to one of them and read the price at the pump, 98.9 for 91 octane??? Say what??? To avoid all the "car talk" (if you wanna know, just ask me and I'll give you the "car talk"/explaination of why it might be the case), all you need to know is my mom's car seems to get about 30% better milelage with 91 octane so we've been pumping that into the car for a while now and it's really not too bad, I was able to work at Kid's clubhouse last year, even on the weeks I drove home and back to work at RHCBC (100km each way), with the gas price how cheap it was, I was able to fill up for less than $40 on 91 octane each Monday. But recently :(, it's been quite expensive and it costs like over $55 or so, or maybe as much as $65-$70 to fill up the same amount of gas on 91 octane which can cost as much as $1.13/liter or so I once payed. 91 octane is usually 10 or 11 cents more per liter for those that don't know... so I was like "Huh?" then I saw "regular (87 octane)" was also 98.9 and I was like... uh oh... are they out of 91 octane? Then I went to look at the other side and I saw the "sign" God was giving me! "We are out of regular, please accept supreme at regular cost" Woohoo! This was the second time I ever had this situation, last year at 63.5 the price of regular was an even greater miracle, but I think I appreciate it more this time around, cause I was being bad *embrassed*. Well, I'll never know, they don't post this type of info on the website my brother and I check the gas prices on, at least I don't think, it should only post the time, location and price... Anyhow, even though I'll never know if I could have gotten 91 octane at 90.9/liter if before 12AM, must be cause it was cheap tonight ->90.9 ($0.909) that they ran out, haha :P I still filled up cause 98.9 is like what I would pay if the regular price was 87.9 or maybe 88.9! Which isn't cheap, that was considered "expensive" back before the summer last year (2004) when I worked when it was less than 70 cents per liter, but I gotta take my blessings when they come, especially now I'm so poor and going to be even poorer cause my First String Sports job barely provides enough for me to make OSAP payments after tax provided I spend every cent I earn towards the OSAP payments alone, I'm broke! Too MSN names I put to reflect that with Music notes around them "My OSAP's stressing... all broke... next month, next month...." and "OSAP makes me feel... OSAP makes me feel...OSAP makes me feel like a natural brokeman..." :P Anyhow, back to the tears... as I was saying, I've been bad, as I mention, I cursed my misfortune and cursed myself for missing the wrong exit and not making it on time, like how could I be so stupid, argh.. F-word, etc.... etc.... But yet, WHAT IF... WHAT IF the 91 octane only ran out after 12AM as it was cheap before 12AM and everyone probably filled up after comming home from the other side of town which caused all that traffic I encountered on my way to RHCBC. I'm getting 87.9 (the price regular would have to be for me to get the same price on 91 octane), which is even better than if I got 90.9 before 12AM, provided they didn't run out yet, so I thought to myself... I'm not worthy Lord :'(, please forgive me... "Away from me Lord, for I am a sinful man..." :'(

Was going to end it there, but since I feel touched to sing a song that will indeed bring me to tears, time to go Joycie style and post some song lyrics, BTW, Joyce, didn't see you tonight :(, did you go visit Syd or something? :P Not that there's anything wrong with that ;). Here is one of my newer tear causing favourites (the original, first song about Jesus that made me cry is still "Beneath The Cross of Jesus") it has the guitar chords, I didn't bother wasting my time taking them out, you can still read the lyrics, I think this site usually pops up on the top of the list when I search for it's lyrics:

Redeemer, Saviour, Friend
VERSE 1:
D/F# D2 G2 G
I know You had me on your mind
A/C# D Em A
When You climbed up on that hill
D/F# D D/F# G2 G
For You saw me with eternal eyes
Em G Bm
While I was yet in sin
G A D
Redeemer Savior Friend

VERSE 2:
D/F# D D/F# G2 G
Every stripe upon Your battered back
A/C# D Em A
Every thorn that pierced Your brow
D/F# D D/F# G2 G
Every nail drove deep through guiltless hands
Em G Bm
Said that Your love knows no end
G A D
Redeemer Savior Friend

CHORUS:
A D G D
Redeemer, redeem my heart again
A Bm G A
Savior, shelter me from sin
Bm A G
You’re familiar with my weaknesses
D G
Devoted to the end
Em A D
Redeemer Savior Friend

VERSE 3:
So the grace you poured out on my life
Will return to You in praise
I’ll gladly lay down all my crowns
For the name of which I’m saved
Redeemer Savior Friend
©1999 Integrity's Hosanna! Music / Integrity's Praise!
Words and Music by Darrell Evans and Chris Springer

RHCBC Again ;)

I heard Sammi Cheng :P sing today, She is amazing! ;)

RHCBC Kids' Clubhouse Visit!

WOW! I realized I haven't updated my blog in a while! I wrote part of (only) one entry last month that I haven't gotten around to finishing which I hope to post soon also. I guess I just haven't been in the mood for blogging lately, not just writing my own, but not really much in the mood to read my friendS' blogs either. As I like to say nowadays when I am honest about "how are you?", I'm having the "worse summer ever"! Today I went to visit RHCBC Kids' Clubhouse 2005 with my friend John. It was an amazing experience, makes me so happy I could almost forget my "worse summer ever" if even just for an instance. :/ Oh ya, I guess I should combine the "godly" entry I was going to write about the softball captaining rejection with the rest of my rantings of why I'm having the "worse summer ever". I wanna try to copy from other peoples' style too, having some "godly" entries with some bible verseS and all.

As soon as I got there, I saw Justin Yu with Martin, which kinda singled him out from the rest of the crowd. Hehe, no doubt, my instinct was right, he was in trouble again :P LOL, sadly, that's about the most memorable thing I remember from camp, the fact that he would always misbehave and I would have to try to control him. But actually, it was not a complete painful memory, quite joyful actually, cause he was only 5 last year and this year he's 6, so like I would hold him when I wanna keep him from running and I needed to hold him in order to get him to stay still to listen to what I have to say to discipline him. And I enjoyed that... :P I love being able to hold kids ;) I remember the other little Justin Chan too, he was like only 3, so cute... Like Brian said "he's clingy" when I asked him how to translate he's "so [dair]"... I really loved the fact that out of all my kids, he would be the one most often asking me to hold him. :) Awww... BTW, I put a picture of that on my Friendster ;) Haha S told me not to chase him (Justin Yu) again today ("don't chase him...") Awww... brings back memories too, She would always tell me that last year, quite a number of times, maybe cause I dun obey :P But it would be sad if that's all she ever said to me. I disagree though, and it's nothing personal against her. I know maybe Justin thinks it's a game and it's probably true he does want me to "chase him", but he just doesn't listen when I don't chase him and just tell him to "stop" or "come here"...And the thing is, I honestly think he thinks he can just run away whenever he is in trouble and not face the consequences, so as I was saying before, if I don't "capture" and hold him from escaping, like I saw Martin doing today when I first got there, it would be impossible to actually talk to him to explain what he's doing is wrong and that he's in trouble. Plus sometimes he runs away to get food or drink when he's not supposed to (cause he should be sitting down watching&listening), so if I don't go after him to stop him or take the food away, how else can I enforce the fact he can't do what he wants to do at the moment cause it isn't the time for it... After, if I tell him to "stop" when he runs and he doesn't stop, if I tell him to put it away, he would probably just go on eating... *rolls eyes* I want to teach him at this delicate young age that he can't just do whatever he wants and then just run away when he knows we're about to punish him for his actions. So ya... I just don't totally agree, nothing perSonal S... Justin Yu is quite cute though, I can see why Grace loved/loves him so much, I just hope he's not spoiled. :P Haha, I remember that one time I was talking about Justin Yu to some of my CCF friends from his church, the Richmond Logos Baptist Church and Darren was like "You mean baldy?" and I'm like "Haha, ya, he is kinda a baldy..." (he has really short hair)... I assume they are also familiar with his bad behaviour. I wonder if my "daughter" (as her nickname has always been since our CCF Coffee House skit) Lisa has ever had to babysit him.

I got the chance to hold Justin Yu back from being a pest trying to crawl under the stage when they were putting it back and stuff... and he was like "You stinky head..." and I was like "Where's the 'you poo poo' huh?" :P "Where's the 'you poo poo'?" And he was like "You poo poo..." :P Hehehe... it worked... ;) Maybe he was going to say that anyway. :P Awww... I so miss that :( Even if it's meant to be a a spiteful comment on his part :P I really wished I hadn't been a fool to think I could find a job by now and applied there again for this year! I SO would rather be working there right now than at First String Sports where I work part time making a lot less $ cause a lot less hours and the job is so boring. (I've written this entry over several days) Especially yesturday when there were like 0 customers for even longer than usual, like nearly dead for like 2 hours... It may be easier working there than at Kid's Clubhouse, but I dun mind the extra work and stress if it's doing something I love, working with kids. ;) I also saw some of the other kids I knew from my class last year. I thought I saw Vincent, but apparently it's someone else it seemed like... I saw Teddy and just like Justin Yu, he couldn't recognize me when I had my sunglasses clip on. :P He was like "Ooooh! I remember you! But I forgot your name!" I showed him my name as the label Nick set on the cellphone he gave me which I never changed and he's like "Oh ya...". When Justin Yu took my phone from me to play with it, he was like "Hey, it's your name...", that was how he remembered too :P Teddy also asked "Why you come today?" and I was like "To visit you!" (touch him on the nose, hehe)... Natalie also remembered me and asked the same question and when I also told her "To visit you..." she was like "I miss you too..." and later at dinner when I told Canice and John, they also thought the same way I did ->"Awwww...." :) Then we recapped a bit more on Kid Clubhouse times shared what's going on in that ministry this year...Afterwards I was going to go to SALT, but since we were celebrating John's B-day, I decided to stick with him and we all went over to his cousin's house to play Tekken 5 instead of going to fellowship. Well actually I know John hasn't been going to fellowship for a while and I'm not sure if his cousins go to fellowship or not... I thought Bing goes to SALT though. Anyhow, they were and continue to be (as I played more times with them after since the date of this OLD entry :P) amazed at my ability to throw them around (like an attack when the body slam the person or do other grab&throw type attacks) in the game. As Jason puts it "[Chee-seen ga]" (craziness), haha :P If only I could "throw" that well in Softball :P There are some pretty cool attacks when you grab/throw for some characters though. They told me this character named "King" can kill the other person in one throw attack, provided you know the combination of keys to press during the throw though :P There's also this other character I used to "stab" Jason's character with a Samurai sword like at least 3 times in the same round :P Then on a later day when I went to play them again, the Saturday I was staying over at John's house because of the fellowship cup, I used this other character, "Jack" I believe it was, who had mechanical arms like that character in Mortal Kombat who's throw attack was like spinning the guy around on his back many times and increasing to a really fast speed then throwing them, kinda like a wrestling move :P Then we went out to BBTea afterwards with some of John's Highschool friends as part of his B-day celebration also. We talked and stuff, apparently I found out that one of his friends was making more $ than him working at Congee Wong (as a waiter) than John was making at his "Engineering job" :P Haha, that was kinda jokes...That pretty much wrapped up the evening, afterwards I showed John my modification of my side markers when I had no choice but to change them because my original left one fell off when I was driving on the highway (as some of you may know. Everyone whom I've showed them to so far thinks they look "good" or "great". :)

Mother Church...

Today, after work, I decided that since I dun have to work on Saturdays usually anyway (as I had to fill in for someone) and my workplace is east of the 427 which isn't that far from my house, but a good maybe 15km east so I'm kinda closer to it already, that I would go to Johnny (Cheung)'s Macau Mission Trip Fundraiser Praise Night. Well, I think I got there before him, but apparently Daniel Tse was also there. I was like, "Hey, that sounds like Daniel's laugh" and I turn around and there he was! :O I should have hitched a ride off him as gas is expensive and I already use enough of it to get to work, it's not like last summer when gas was almost 20 cents cheaper (or even more than 20 cents cheaper if you compare the gas when it's expensive during the day). LOL it's like that new marketing campaign GM has that if you buy any new GM vechicle you get 20 cents off for a year's supply of gas would only make the price of gas close to what it was if you brought and filled up a new GM vechicle last year, except it would the older 2004/2005 models. Also, I dun think the price difference was that big between night and day last summer as it is now. I remember filling up Monday morning before going to work sometimes. Since I already made the trip, I was thinking of sleeping over at my cousin's house to visit RHCBC the next day, since John complained that I'm staying over there too often... But when I called my Aunt she could barely here me and I told her I'll call her later and she said she was a concern and won't be home till very late and told me to call her back tommorow... Err... I decided, oh well, maybe next time... Now that I have to work Fridays 4-9PM, even though I plan to try and ask again for another shift later, I can't go to fellowship at church anymore and I can't go to SALT either. So that kinda sucks, if I go on a Sunday, which I probably will, I won't be able to stay for CD either. However, I think my boss may keep me rotating to work every other Sunday so I could. But since the 427 is somewhat closer to Richmond Hill, I'll most likely pic a Sunday that I need to work to go visit to save gas since the store is somewhat halfway or in the middle between RHCBC and my house/apartment. I just hope I dun have any softball games on the Sundays I need to work.

Anyhow, I guess I should get back onto talking about the Praise Night. I got there a bit late, actually 1/2 an hour or so :P cause I was still in Metro Square eating. I got off work at 6PM, but after closing the shop and driving my co-worker/supervisor to the subway and trying to call Jeff and Arthur to see if I could catch a ride... Ugh... you might be thinking those would be the last two people I would ever call, well they couldn't help me anyhow; Jeff did not go and Arthur did not answer his home phone or his cell. I was going to call Daniel to ask if I could use his hose to test the new Mr. Clean AutoDry Car wash that I bought, since I dun have a hose, if I decided not to go. Too bad I didn't, because maybe I would have found out he was going and hitched a ride off of him! I ended up getting in contact with my "daughter" (she's not REALLY my biological daughter, what can I say? "No mommy...") Lisa for the details on where and when. I was going to stop at a McDonalds or something, but didn't see one along the way so I just ate at Metro and turned the car in while I drove by. Ended up taking longer than expected. But as I was about to walk in late I saw some RHCBC people going in too and I also ran into my "daughter" Lisa outside taking care of the kids, but there was only like 1 or 2 kids there so far :P She was like "Hi pops..." :P

The program that night was um... interesting. Not saying it wasn't good...I got there and sat near the very front on the right side not seeing anyone I recognized. They were singing already, I also saw that on stage were some people from Lisa's fellowship which I've only been to one time and apparently most of the people on the Macau trip this year are from her fellowship. Johnny is from CCF. Ya, saw Daniel, after I turned around cause I recognized his laughed, then suddenly moved back to sit with him and Johnny. Then something interesting and unexpected happened, Mike Lau went up to preach... Only this time it wasn't Pastor Mike Lau that spoke at our church once before, it was his son, "Mike Lau Jr." (as Lisa puts it)! WOW, never seen such a young, non-preacher, preach before... I wonder if his "couSin" has. I was like, "I know Sam..." he's like "Sam who? I know a lot of Sams." then finally I explained I meant his cousin and he's like "Ooohhh... I just call her cousin" :P I also saw Adrian there and I was like "Guess who I am?" and he was like "Oooh! You! You're my blog stalker..." Not the words I excepted. Anyhow, afterwards we went out to noodles at hmm... what's that place called again? I only remember it was NOT "Kenny's Noodle" but some name with Ken or Kenny in it at the end or something. It's near the TNT at Warden and Steeles I believe. We talked some more there and I learned that Mike Lau had some training where he had to memorize a bunch of short 5 minute sermons or something. I wanted to stay over at my cousin's or maybe John's that weekend since I had to make the trip out anyway so I could visit RHCBC the next day. But that didn't quite workout, my Aunt was at a concert apparently and she said she could barely hear me and asked me to call her back the next day since she said she/they would be out late. I could have tried calling later, but I decided to just forget it. Oh well, at least I did enjoy going to Metro to play Initial D after going out to eat. Stayed there until like 1AM :P Actually, if I remember, I think that might have been the day I lost my Evo IV, I went back for it, but I think someone stole it :( I think I was supposed to type something else somewhere up there, but it's getting late and I wanna move on to finishing my other blog entries so I'll just end it here for now unless I remember later what it was...

What are the keys to my heart?

I have other blog entries I'm working on in draft that I still need to post. I was going to mention the topics of the post, but don't want to ruin the surprise! ;)

Anyhow, here is a survey I found on someone else's blog. I was expecting it to be questions about love, like what is your ideal date kinda thing. But actually they just keep on asking you about what animal you prefer, interesting....

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage pessimistically. You don't think happy marriages exist anymore.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Hitch... but not Hitched... :(

I think I'll finally listen to Kim and update my blog. BesideS, now I know that people might actually read it :O The summer has been full of me bumming around at home, but also running errands for the cAr and working on it. The rust came back again since the winter. Argh, I told my mom to rust proof it! My younger brother Kenneth got this multi-purpose utility called Dremel, which I discovered is also made by Bosch which is the same company/manufacturer as my spark plugs! Anyhow, it can also be used for grinding/sanding, so I used it this time around and decided to be more through...But dang, it sanded right through certain layers of the bottom of my wheel well and in some cases I drilled a whole bunch of rust that just fell right out. It's getting pretty bad... Well I will probably be bringing it to a body shop soon which a friend from my church, Daniel can hook me up with. :)

I finally got out of the house today. We went to watch the movie "Hitch"... me, Eric, Tim and surprisingly Angus whom used to go to our church and whom I haven't seen in the longest time also showed up. Arthur was supposed to go too, but we ended up watching a 9:50PM show cause both Tim and Eric don't get off work till 9PM and Arthur said it was too late for him and that he tries to sleep by 10:30PM! :O Well not to give away the movie, but as you may know if you've seen the trailer on TV or on the web as Tim was watching it when I asked him if maybe he wants to go see the actual movie. As I was saying, as you may know, the movie is about this guy who gives advice to men on how to suceed with women. Tim started joking about that when we got to the theatre. He was like "We go watch the movie for one reason and one reason only, hahaha..." Then after the movie he said we should go try out the skills on Friday if we wanna go clubing with him. He also quoted the movie too "Not too low, not too high..." (watch the movie and you'll understand :P) Ok I forgot if I wanted to say anything else here and I have so many entries in my archives now that I haven't gotten around to finishing and I figure maybe I should just post this so that people have something to read...if they even read my blog...

"Voice of Truth" Joycie style...

Hehe, I am copying this off Joycie, she likes to put a lot of song lyrics and other quotes in her blog, haha instead of writing her own stuff, so lazy! :P (just kidding). But anyhow, it's not a bad idea :P I happen to really like this song. Joyce, how did you put that player thing for that "Home" song in your blog, I wanna do the same for this song. If you are reading this, please tell me how Joyce! Or anyone else for that matter, feel free to tell me how! ;)

"Voice of Truth"

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
AND onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand
But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

Chorus: But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to haveThe kind of strength it takes
to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

Chorus: But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
On top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

Chorus: But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
Cause Jesus you are the voice of truth
And I will listen to you, you are-

So jokes!

I just read this from a link in my e-mail! It is such a funny blog joke! http://www.classmates.com/magazine/cartoon011205.tf It says: "I need to let my parents get online more often. Last night I got grounded for saying the word 'blogger' in front of my mom!" LOL... I thought that was serious jokes. Haha, also reminds me of another popular Internet word: "mudder"...

So more jokes recently. Just yesturday (January 15th, 2005) the guest speaker at my church, in the middle of his sermon, he asked me if I was married yet (in Cantonese). So jokes! I told him "[may ah...]" (not yet) and everyone laughed. Well I suppose it is kinda funny, but I wonder if people laughed because I was the one being asked. Oy... I wonder if everyone in my church knows my dating stoRiEs too... :O

Then on Sunday (January 16th, 2005) I went to visit RHCBC :) Now the reason I bring it up in this blog too is because there's some possible jokes in it. Not saying RHCBC is jokes, but some potentially funny things happened. Unexpectly, they had a guest speaker for worship that day. Rev. Dr. Daniel Wong. Now I thought the name sounded familiar, but when I saw him on stage, for sure! He came to speak at our church before. One of the reasons why I remember his name is because I remember teasing my friend and BiC (Brother in Christ) DT about it. You see, both him and his cousin WW are also part of the dedication fellowship with me, so when I first saw the name in our church's bulletin I went to tease DT about it and we both laughed. Anyhow, the funny thing about seeing him that Sunday was that his sermon notes looked familiar. Now obviously maybe he just uses the same power-point format for all his sermons, but based on some of the examples in the points he made, I think I heard that sermon before! I think maybe it was the exact same sermon he preached in our church! :P LOL! Well it was still useful for me I suppose, since it was about facing trials with God's wisdom. Another thing I discovered was interesting, is that he was also JM's prof back when she was in *seminary*. I dun remember, but I think he was Pastor John's prof as well. Later on, I went out to lunch with John and then after driving my grandmother home from Markham, I went to my church for dedication fellowship. The topic was passion of evangelising in a servant of God or something along those lines :P Hmm... I dunno what else to say in this Blog so I'll end it here.